Chapter Text
Kieren wasn’t at all unused to overcrowded train stations on a Saturday morning, being that he’d often make his way back home using them. The constant crowd of people as they passed by allowed him to sit comfortably on a nearby chair whilst he waited, being as unseen as he preferred, quietly going through a lemon muffin from the nearby station Starbucks with both earphones jammed in and a half-smile on his lips.
However, today was different.
The heavy pass of human traffic in their small station had only made Kieren want to wrap his arms around himself and disappear. He was able to feel the weight of a hundred eyes on him, even if he knew that wasn’t really the case, and some wanker had already taken his favourite place to sit, which left him standing awkwardly on the platform for twenty minutes as he waited for Jem’s train to arrive.
He’d even skimped on the lemon muffin - his appetite had taken a huge dip over the past week, and so had his ability to actually get half of his uni work done.
It’d be hell to catch up, but it was something he’d inevitably have to do. When he felt better; if he felt better. After all, he only had a few weeks before this new medication kicked in, and then, probably, he’d be back to normal.
Whatever normal was for him now.
Whilst he waited, his mind drifted to something more distracting than his growing headache at being constantly bumped into, deciding instead to think about the previous few days, and his movie night with Simon.
Simon .
Simon, who Kieren had fallen asleep on that night. Simon, who had held Kieren in his arms like he wanted somehow to protect him, which Kieren couldn’t help but feel guilty for, feel ashamed of. The last thing he’d want was Simon’s pity, like Kieren was a wounded bird with fragile bones that needed to be fixed.
He wanted to be fixed, God, so badly, but that was a path he was well aware that he’d have to take on his own, in his own time.
Kieren dragged his hand down his face. Now he was starting to sound like something off the ULA website.
Of course, there was a more tantalising and intimate aspect of their night together that he could have thought about, but he’d resigned to think about it again later on when his little sister wasn’t about to get off a train and meet him.
Speaking of which - Kieren quickly fiddled with his hair again, and his thumb rubbed against the sleeve of his jacket as he pulled it down, right as the train from Lancashire pulled in.
Jemina, however, hated trains.
The hatred wasn’t the same kind of hatred that she felt for supermarkets, or a certain supermarket rather, but it was something similar. Something about how the thrum of people continued to flicker across her vision.
Public places had been hard since it happened. In public places you weren’t aware of who your enemy was; you didn’t know who had a knife or a gun stashed away or who wanted to make a victim of you.
She tugged her arms around herself as she stepped onto the train platform, almost desperate to step on something that wasn’t going a hundred miles an hour along electric pipes. Her red hair swayed slightly, a mane in the breeze.
“Jem!” Kieren shouted over the noise of people getting on and off the train, a grin already on his mouth as he spotted her ponytail from a mile off. “Oi!”
Her attention quickly turned to the male shouting towards her, and she was unable to stop the smile from lifting the corners of her lips as she closed some of the distance between them.
“Dork!” She grinned, stepping closer to her brother. “Fancy seeing you ‘ere, eh?” Tilting her body, she pressed her shoulders against his side in a pseudo embrace, arms still firmly wrapped around herself.
“Yeah, fancy seeing me here,” Kieren echoed, and he nudged her shoulder back. “Y’know, at the train station by my dorms. Almost like I live here,”
He paused, taking in stock of his little sister, unable to help how his grin widened at her just being there, the two of them away from home; though he could see the struggle still happening, visible beneath the surface where Jem had likely buried it down, she looked okay.
Well, as okay as he probably did, he concluded.
Selfishly, it almost made him feel a little better, knowing that Jem likely needed this meet up as much as he did. It was so good to see her, and it meant he could put his dumb issues on the backburner and do what he always aimed to do - make her feel better.
“It’s a short walk back,” He shrugged, before offering his arm out to her to link, grin softening. “C’mon, let’s get out of here,”
---
“Shit weather,” Kieren complained as they walked along the path that wound its way eventually into town. He would later likely show Jem around his dorm room, but for now, there was a purpose in heading into the main city area, even if it was starting to rain a little. He pulled his hood up.
Was he nervous about Jem meeting Simon? A little.
If anyone could sniff out a problem with someone, it was Jem, and he was well aware that she had high standards for anyone dating her brother. Not to mention the hundred questions she probably had stored away to ask him. Half of them were probably embarrassing.
Then again, he really couldn’t fathom her not liking him. He liked him. A lot. Maybe a lot more than he could really psychoanalyse right now.
“So,” He cleared his throat, smiling easily at Jem. “You gonna weird out my boyfriend when you meet him? Is that a plan you already have?”
“Kieran!” She turned her gaze towards the blond, her eyes widening in mock surprise. “As if I would,” Her surprise quickly turned into a large grin that could easily be described as shit-eating. “We’ll have to see won’t we? Scared I’m gonna scare ‘im off you?”
“I’m sure he can handle the Jem-test,” He snorted, nudging her in the side with his elbow again, before shoving his hands straight back into his pockets. “What’re you gonna do, bite him?”
He paused, glancing over to her as they walked, raising an eyebrow. “What about you? There’s gotta be some bloke or girl at college that has your eye,”
“Yeah, I’m gonna bite ‘im. Like I’m a zombie.” Jem gnashed her teeth to emphasise her point, before adopting a more neutral expression.
“I don’t know.” For a moment she pulled her long ponytail into her hand, toying with the tip of it. She thought about Gary, and decided not to bring him up. “Nothing special I guess.”
Kieren watched her fidget with her hair for a second, as familiar a tic as his own.
After a moment of hearing nothing but their shoes scuffling along the path, he concluded that she definitely wasn’t going to let on what was up. Jem would always say something in her own time and Kieren’s tendency to prod usually backfired, and so he’d learnt to find other routes of helping her to express it, and right now, what she likely needed was an immediate subject change.
“Mum and dad know you’re here, or did you jump on a train to skive off chores?” He threw a smile her way, before it faltered and he lowered his voice. “Do they know about you going to the supermarket?”
Her lips tugged inwards into a flat grimace. Every conversation always came back to the supermarket.
“I can’t just avoid it forever. It’s our local, after all,” She clenched her fists, images of a black haired woman and red floating in her peripheral.
Jem shook her head, pushing away the cobwebs of memory, a tight smile lifting her mouth. “They know I’m ‘ere. Had to fight them off giving me a lift over so we can all hang out,”
“Thank God,” Kieren threw back, the edges of his mouth twitching again, at least momentarily sated by her answer. He knew when not to push. “So they don’t know about my secret boyfriend, who you’re five minutes away from meeting?”
Which, as more people started to filter around them and bigger, less archaic buildings surrounded them, wasn’t untrue.
Simon would probably be there early - he was always early.
He almost smiled to himself, shaking his head. Jesus, he was definitely feeling some kind of knot in his stomach, and he could no longer define it from nerves or that usual feeling thinking about Simon instilled.
“Oh, shit, was that supposed to be a secret? You should’a said mate, I’ve been gassing with mum and dad about it for weeks,” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Of course they don’t know. What kind of sister do you think I am?”
“A massive pain in the arse one, the only kind of baby sister,” He laughed, and the sound had been unfamiliar to his mouth for a day or so, but with Jem around, it came freely. He relaxed a little. “I’ll tell them at some point, but firstly, he’s gotta meet you and I’m bricking it over that enough already,”
Kieren glanced ahead, catching sight of a familiar jumper, and the person usually inside it. He nudged Jem again.
“Speaking of which,” He felt a smile that came a little easier to his mouth appear and as they approached Simon, Kieren lifted his hand, giving a small, brisk wave.
“Simon, Jem. My annoying little sister,” He gestured between them, from Simon to his sister and then back again. “Jem, Simon. My boyfriend,”
For Simon, it was like he couldn’t get used to that word at all. It felt like a bottle of champagne bubbling inside of his stomach at the very sound of it.
Boyfriend. I’m Kieren’s boyfriend.
Simon was silent for a nanosecond, as if taking in that word and silently turning it around in his mouth. It tasted sweet, but not too overpoweringly sweet.
“Jem,” He snapped away from his musings with a welcoming smile, pushing his hand forward to shake Jem’s. She took it in hers, shaking briefly before rapidly pulling away. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Jemina took a moment to consider Simon, eyebrows lifted. This was definitely not what she expected when she heard ‘philosophy lecturer’; this jumper-clad, moderately attractive and young-ish man. “Yeah, nice to meet you. You’re a lot younger than I expected.”
A good-humoured hum of a laugh fell from his mouth. “Well, at least now you know that I’m not a gross old man,”
“Maybe not an old man, but I don’t know about the gross yet, do I?”
This time Simon’s laugh was more of a chuckle, less of a hum. “Well, you’ve got me there.”
"Jesus, Jem, go easy on him," Kieren warned, though his voice had lifted with just a hint of amusement at watching the two interact. He could barely help the smile that brightened his expression after he made a show of pulling a face at his sibling.
Then, pulling his coat tighter around himself, he gestured towards the nearby cafe. "Alright, let's talk inside. I'm bloody freezing and I wanna grab a table before it fills up,"
Before Jem could start, he placed his hands on her shoulders from behind and practically steered her forwards, throwing a look over his shoulder at Simon, smile now grateful.
When they'd sat, waiting for one of the waitresses of the small, local cafe to free up, Kieren shifted in his seat, having chosen to sit side by side with Jem and across from Simon, should he need to lightly jab Jem in the ribs for something. A little so that he could tap Simon’s shoe with his own.
"So, uh," Kieren said slowly, having grabbed a menu from the stand and having given it a cursory glance. "Nice place, right? You two probably haven't been here before but it's local, and they do pretty good milkshakes."
Kieren paused.
"Hey, speaking of milkshakes, remember that one time you tried to blend vodka, milk and strawberries on your 18th?” He grinned at Jem. “It probably wouldn't have been so shit if you hadn't added cidre too, but you were so certain that it'd be amazing, and you still drank it. Never seen you throw up so much in my life,"
“Urg,” Jem visibly paled at the memory, wincing. “Jesus, don’t remind me. That was so gross, I ‘aven’t been able to stomach milk since.” She side-eyed her brother, punching Kieren in the arm. “Oi, Kier, I thought I was the one who’s suppose to embarrass you, not the other way around.”
“Kier?” Simon lifted his eyebrow, amused by the name. “That’s cute.”
He then shifted in his chair, fingers curling around the laminated and slightly sticky menu, eyes travelling over the times new roman type-face. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed, Jem. We’ve all...imbibed too much at one point.”
At many points, in some cases.
“Yeah, but I was a boring teenager,” Kieren laughed, brown eyes gleaming now as he rubbed at the spot where Jem had punched, throwing her another half-arsed mock glare. “Jem can’t harass me with memories she doesn’t have, and that’s the way I like it,”
“Boring teenager?” Jem rolled her eyes. “Sure, Kier.”
“I mean, boring apart from the cool punk phase I had. Rick gave me-...” His fingers tapped against the menus, a tenseness taking up his shoulders as he trailed off.
Immediately, he caught himself, dropping the menu down in front of Jem. “That’s...actually a pretty boring story,” He rubbed the back of his neck, able to feel the way his skin pricked with an uncomfortable sensation as he did. His focus lifted to Simon, gaze locking with his, the corners of his lips twitching. “Seen Amy lately?”
Simon’s head tilted, lips thinning a little at the strange interaction, before he pushed himself to maintain a more neutral expression. “No, not lately. I know she’s speaking to the pro– ”
“You ‘aven’t told ‘im about Rick yet?” Jem frowned in her brother’s direction, folding her arms across her chest.
Kieren flushed. His eyes snapped to his sister, brow furrowing a little.
“It hadn’t come up,” He offered, though he knew it wouldn’t land. Jem was always smarter than that. He rolled his shoulders into a shrug. “C’mon Jem, it isn’t that important,”
“If it wasn’t that important then you wouldn’t be such a pussy and not bring it up,” She rolled her eyes, a lot more seriously this time, hand lifting to indicate Simon. “It’s like you’re not ever serious abo–”
It was Simon’s turn to interrupt.
“Things like that will come in time. I haven’t told Kieren everything about my past, and neither has he. It’s still early, and that’s okay,” He smiled softly, placing a hand on Jem’s arm. “Thank you for caring so much, but we’ll discuss it when it’s time.”
For a minute, there was quiet. Not quite expansive enough that it was uncomfortable, but long enough that Kieren had time to just take in Simon for a second.
In that second, he felt almost guilty. Guilty and something else, harder to put his thumb on, but it felt like a bubbling pit of heat in his chest, alongside that small bit of surprise that Simon still managed to instill in him sometimes.
Maybe it was Simon’s willingness to wait for Kieren to catch up to him in some strange way, in some instances. Maybe he’d tell Simon soon. Maybe Simon would feel comfortable enough to tell him everything back. Maybe.
Coming round from those thoughts quickly, he exhaled a breath out through his nose, unable to keep the grin from returning to his mouth. “Be careful, Simon, she’ll deck you.”
Simon withdrew his hand from Jem, his lips remaining in an easy smile. “I’m sorry.”
For a moment, it wasn’t Simon’s hand that had touched her, and the grasp hadn’t been light. Just as it always was-- the hand was a stranger, gripping her arm, her hair, demanding. She frowned, lips thinning even more, rubbing the spot where Simon had come into contact with.
“Yeah, no. It’s fine.” Jemina shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip.
“Whatever. What’re you all eatin’? Would you think I’m a fatty if I ‘ad a fry up?”
The smile she directed at the two of them was fake enough for a Barbie doll to curl up in jealousy.
Still, Simon allowed his casual smile to stay. Apparently pretending everything was fine was a family trait.
“Since when has that stopped you, Jem?” Kieren shot back, grabbing the menu from her. For a moment, he saw the tenseness in her shoulders, and felt that familiar protective instinct rise like bile at the back of his throat, which was swallowed down.
Jem could always handle herself, even now, and even if she had readily called him out earlier for his own guarded barriers, he knew where she was coming from, and her heart was never in the wrong place.
So, he threw her one more hopefully reassuring smile, bumping her shoulder with his. “Cheese pie sounds great, and the chips here are homemade,” He offered, before throwing his attention back to Simon. “You figured out what you’re having yet, because the cheese pie comes Kieren-approved.”
"Well if it's Kieren approved then I'll have to partake, won't I?" He smirked in his boyfriend's direction, placing the menu back onto the table top. "How about I go and order? Two cheese pies, one big fry up."
Simon stood, leaving the other two sitting silently at the table.
Kieren watched him leave with a barely concealed ache in his chest, smiling to himself, before he pushed it back and switched his focus back to his sister, flicking her on her hand.
“Speaking of ‘approved’,” He lowered his voice, raising an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth twitching into a more comfortable grin. “Go on, what do you think? Be honest. Not that you’re ever not,”
"Well…" Jem was silent momentarily, fingertips caressing the grain in the table beneath her hands. "He seems...serious? I don't know. I know he’s wearing that stupid jumper but there's something really serious about his eyes. But he seems like a nice guy." She lifted her shoulders in a long, exaggerated shrug. "Hopefully it goes alright between you two, 'im being your teacher an all."
“Hey, I knew you were gonna be honest but leave off the jumpers,” He laughed, the sound low in his throat. He saw Simon look over and offered him a small wave, raising an eyebrow as he spoke aside to Jem. “Actually, you might be right. The old man jumpers are something else,”
Then his beaming flickered on his face, faltering visibly. “Ugh, the teacher thing. Yeah, it’s-...I mean, I’m gonna leave one day, so who cares? Two more years and then I’m not even going to be here.” He paused, casting his eyes down to his fidgeting hands on the table. “If I make it that far,”
Kieren contemplated it for a moment, going quiet. “Don’t tell mum and dad this, but he and Amy are involved with all that ULA stuff. I know it’s not massively bad or anything, I just don’t want them getting the wrong impression and you know how much they worry about this kind of thing,” He pulled a face. “It still all sounds like bollocks to me, but maybe that’s just my own hang ups or something.”
A softer look touched his features, just for a second, glancing over to Simon once more. “I dunno though, I really like him. Him and his three cats,” He laughed, under his breath.
“The ULA stuff?” She pulled a face, continuing where Kieren left off, lips thinning. “You mean that big mental health advocate or whatever organisation? They’ve been doing some well dodgy stuff, Kier.”
A slow breath fell from her mouth. “I know you like him, but are you sure you want to get involved in that sort of thing?”
“I’m not getting involved,” Kieren said, watching Simon make small talk with the waitress by the counter. “But I’m not gonna try and get him de-involved, I’ve tried that approach already and he and Amy will come to their senses at some point, or something.”
He sighed, one long exhale, like he’d been holding it. “I don’t wanna push him anymore than I already have, right? And it’s like...he’s so fucking great, and I still can’t get my head around him being even wanting to be with me, and I guess I trust him, but I don’t trust a bunch of…random people with molotovs and too much of a can do attitude, or whatever their name stands for.”
His jaw tensed, before he willed it to relax and took a moment to properly ground himself. He tried to bring the curvature of a grin back to his lips, and aim it at Jem.
“United lumpy arseholes,” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as if it could shift the amusement from his mouth. “Untitled...lanky aardvarks.”
“Unified labia associates.” She grinned, leaning back in the seat.
After a second her face fell, replaced once again by a worried frown. “But no, for real, he could get into some serious trouble. I’ve heard they’re breaking into pharmacy vans and stealing the supplies that’re made for private health companies.”
“He’s not the one doing anything like that - at least, I don’t think he is,” He made a show of rolling his eyes, but he gave pause to the thought. Kieren worried his lower lip between his teeth.
“Give him a chance, yeah? And I won’t pester you about whoever’s in your life for a little bit longer,” Just then, he glanced up, catching sight of Simon re-approaching their spot by the window, and he tucked his hands under the table.
And then when Simon sat, Kieren pushed back the growing nagging sensation creeping through his skull, deep beneath the surface of a fixed half-smile that he threw at Jem, before throwing himself into the budding conversation.
At least, that way, he’d be able to settle his nerves and ignore Jem’s earlier broken sentence, though Kieren knew what she was going to say.
That was something he was going to have to talk to Simon about, but for now, the sun began to litter the street with fractured light from its previous place behind the clouds, and when Simon smiled back, Kieren couldn’t think of much else other than the way that something softer lay behind his serious eyes.