Chapter Text
Groupchat 10
[1:47pm] Shiro >> Dicks out for harambe
You’re not my dad: this is the worst day of my life
Keef: why? what happened?
You’re not my dad: I dropped my fucking nachos
Podge: see usually I would laugh at something like this
Podge: but this is just tragic
He knows: 1 sad reac = 1 respect paid
He knows: :,(
Podge: :,(
Keef: >:)
Takashi Shirogane removed Keith Kogane
Podge: :,(
Podge: that one’s for my good friend Keith who died on the front line
Takashi Shirogane removed Pidge Holt
You’re not my dad: this is no time for jokes
King: r.i.p Shiro’s nachos
King: :,(
Goddess: that’s what you get for buying me 10 fucking pool noodles for secret Santa >:)
Takashi Shirogane removed Allura Altea
Pigtails: lmao I wanna get kicked out too
You’re not my dad: but you haven’t given me a reason to kick you out
Pigtails: >:)
Takashi Shirogane removed Romelle
Hero: Shiro you can’t just kick everyone out
Takashi Shirogane removed Hunk Garrett
He knows: Shiro, my love, I think you may be over reacting
Takashi Shirogane removed Matt Holt
You’re not my dad: do you have anything to say,, Lance?
King: only this..
King: Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
King: Get low
King: GET LOW
King: get low
King: GET LOW
King: get low
King: GET LOW
Takashi Shirogane left the group
King: to the WINDOOOOOIW
King: TO THE WALLLLLL
King: to the wall
King: TO THE SWEAT DROP DOWN MY BALLS
King: my balls
King: TO ALL THESE BITCHES CRAWL
King: crawl
King: TO ALL SKEEET SKEEET MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR
King: motherfucker
King: TO ALL SKEEET SKEETTTT GOT DAM
King: got dam
King: TO ALL SKEEET SKEEET MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR
King: motherfucker
King: TO ALL SKEEET SKEETTTT GOT DAM
King: got dam
King: wow I’m great
King: I don’t even need friends
Lance McClain added Pidge Holt
Lance McClain added Takashi Shirogane
Lance McClain added Hunk Garrett
Lance McClain added Keith Kogane
Lance McClain added Allura Altea
Lance McClain added Romelle
Lance McClain added Matt Holt
Pidge: this group chat feels cursed
Pidge: Lance, what’d you do?
King: wouldn’t you like to know?
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[3:08pm] Lance >> Hunk
Lancelot: Hunk
Lancelot: my dear friend
Lancelot: when are you going to ask romelle out?
Hunkalicious: ummm what
Lancelot: you should ask her out
Hunkalicious: ummmmm no
Lancelot: why not
Hunkalicious: cause she’ll say no
Lancelot: get some fucking backbone Hunk
Lancelot: That girl found your contact details, asked you if you wanted to hang out alone with her, said she would marry you, and calls you Hunka Hunka
Lancelot: why would she say no?
Hunkalicious: Wow Okay
Lancelot: Ask. Her. Out.
Hunkalicious: I’ll ask her out if you ask Keith out
Lancelot: don’t drag me into this
Lancelot: Keith is a whole other fucking ball game
Hunkalicious: Okay fine but only cause I really wanna ask her out now
Lancelot: that’s my boy
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[3:34pm] Hunk >> Romelle
Hunka Hunka: Hey Romelle!
Rommee: hewwo
Hunka Hunka: omg Stop
Rommee: my apologies
Rommee: Hello, Hunk.
Hunka Hunka: much better :D
Hunka Hunka: Romelle I have an important question for you
Rommee: !
Hunka Hunka: Would you like to go on a date with me?
Rommee: !!
Hunka Hunka: is that a good !! Or a bad !!
Rommee: HUNK I WOULD LOVE TO
Rommee: But first I have to kick your butt for taking so long to ask !!
Hunka Hunka: !!
Hunka Hunka: Okay Yeah that’s understandable
Rommee: So When is this date?
Hunka Hunka: well are you doing anything tonight? ;)
Rommee: !!
Rommee: Well I am now ;)
Rommee: and where are we going?
Hunka Hunka: There’s this new restaurant that opened up on campus a couple of days ago
Hunka Hunka: apparently they have over 20 different pasta dishes to choose from..?
Rommee: HUNK!!
Rommee: YOU KNOW I LOVE PASTA
Hunka Hunka: Thats Why I chose it you doofus
Rommee: that’s incredibly sweet and thoughtful Hunk
Rommee: ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
Rommee: I’m so excited shsvfuejsishe
Hunka Hunka: (~˘▾˘)~
Hunka Hunka: So if I make a reservation for say... 7? Can I pick you up at 6:30?
Rommee: okay yes that works!
Hunka Hunka: Okay well I’ll go do that :)
Rommee: djdbsshssgsh
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[3:45pm] Allura >> Dicks out for harambe
Allura: dhsbshshsbsh
Allura: oooh My girl’s going on a date
Allura: fuck it up romelle
Allura: romelle fuck it up
Allura: Fuck it up Romelle
Pidge: Well I’ll be diddly darned
King: Lol. Keith steal your phone to send that message?
Keith: fuck off Lance! I don’t talk like that!
Keith: also congratulations romelle
Romelle: thanks bitch
Pidge: who’s the lucky guy?
Romelle: Huuuunkkkk
Pidge: oh thank god
Matt: Go Hunk!
Matt: about time!
Romelle: THATS WHAT I SAID
Hunk: HEY
Hunk: I got there eventually
Hunk: and that’s all that matters
Shiro: Hunk you’re doing great sweetie!
Shiro: that’s right I know memes
Keith: Hey Shiro wanna see a cool meme?
Shiro: sure
Keith Kogane removed Takashi Shirogane
King: wow that’s such a cool meme
Keith: thanks I made it myself
Matt: so where are you guys going for your date?
Romelle: pasta pasta pasta
Hunk: that new place on campus. I think it’s called Vrepit Sals?
King: I would go there if I wasn’t broke
King: It looks really nice
Allura: it really does, hey
Romelle: oh man I’m gonna be so fat
Allura: impossible
Romelle: !!
Matt: well you kids have fun on your date
Matt: I’m gonna go find out what Shiro’s doing
Keith: BLUURGHH
Lance changed Matt’s name to: ginger dick
Pidge: I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean but that shit made me laugh
King: cause he’s a fucking redhead
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[4:48pm] Veronica >> Keith
Veronica: Hi Keith this is Lance’s sister, Veronica!
———————————————————
[4:50pm] Keith >> Lance
Sherlock: your sister?? Just messaged me?
Moriarty: BLOCK HER
Moriarty: she-witch
Sherlock: How the hell did she find me?
Moriarty: she lives on campus. She probably tracked you down like a weirdo
Sherlock: YOU HAVE A SISTER WHO LIVES ON CAMPUS?
Moriarty: How did I not know this?
Sherlock: cause you’re stupid
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[4:51pm] Keith >> Veronica
Keith: Hey what’s up?
Veronica: oh hi sorry to message you out of the blue like this but I’ve heard you’re friends with Acxa?
Keith: oh yeah I am
Veronica: okay cool well this is really weird but I was wondering if you knew what her.. sexual preferences were?
Keith: her what now?
Veronica: dgsjdhsb
Veronica: no like is she straight or gay or..?
Keith: oh right umm
Keith: she’s a lesbian
Veronica: perfect!
Veronica: thank you for your help!
Keith: Wait why didn’t you just ask her that yourself?
Veronica: cause I’m always nagging her with questions
Veronica: I think she thinks I’m trying to find information on her so I can stalk her or something
Keith: That seems fair
Keith: if it makes you feel better she talks about you all the time
Veronica: OH MY GOD
Veronica: Like talks about how I’m annoying and she wants to file a complaint or like good stuff?
Keith: Like good stuff
Veronica: Wow
Veronica: thank you Keith you’ve just made my day
Keith: you’re welcome
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[4:55pm] Keith >> Acxa
So long gay boy: you didn’t tell me “Veronica with the nice eyes and 1000 questions” was LANCES SISTER
ha gaaaay: SHE WHAT?
Ha gaaaay: Lance as in “Lance with the dumb smirk and the laugh like silver bells?”
So long gay boy: ...
So long gay boy: yes
———————————————————
[5:00pm] Keith >> Lance
Sherlock: So I didn’t block her
Moriarty: oh no what’d she want?
Sherlock: she just had a question about Acxa
Moriarty: Who now?
Sherlock: She’s the girl I go to the gym with
Moriarty: oh right
Moriarty: whatd she want to know?
Sherlock: nothing important
Sherlock: follow up question.. is your sister a lesbian?
Moriarty: she’s bisexual
Moriarty: why? Does she have the hots for your friend?
Sherlock: How am I supposed to know? She’s YOUR sister!
Moriarty: well she messaged you about SOMETHING
Sherlock: I don’t disclose private information about my clients
Moriarty: Shut the fuck up Keith
Moriarty: I’m gonna ask her myself
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[5:04pm] Lance >> Veronica
Bitch: STOP MESSAGING MY FRIENDS
Shit: Keith seems nice!
Shit: I hear he’s pretty attractive too
Bitch: who told you that?
Shit: Acxa
Bitch: Do you have the hots for her?
Shit: nooooo.........................
Bitch: gross
———————————————————
[6:30pm] Lance >> Dicks out for Harambe
King: Hunk left for his date 5 minutes ago and I’m already bored
Allura: Romelle left for her date 2 minutes ago and I already miss her so much
Allura: life is pointless when she’s not around
Romelle: stop talking like I’m dead
Allura: ROMELLE MY LOVE
Hunk: Hey back off
Keith: OOOFt Hunka Hunka is jealous
Romelle: shut up Keith you’re not allowed to call him that
King: and the cinnamon roll is ANGRY
Romelle: >:)
King: watch out. Shiro’ll have you kicked out for making that face
Keith: Shiro isn’t even in the group
King: oh my god he isn’t?
King: where’d he go??
Allura: Keith kicked him out cause he sucks
King: I won’t stand for this
Lance McClain added Takashi Shirogane
Shiro: Oh Lance, Thank god you added me back.
Shiro: this is exactly what I need right now
Shiro: to be in a group chat with seven children
Shiro: after such a long day of mourning my nachos
Lance McClain removed Takashi Shirogane
King: he was radiating bad energy
Keith: seven children?
Allura: I’m 23 so Shut the fuck up
Ginger dick: we need to do something about these usernames
Ginger dick: they’re just your actual names and it’s not normal
Allura: what do you suggest, ginger dick?
Matt changed Allura’s name to: Boss
Boss: not going to complain about that
Matt Holt added Takashi Shirogane
Matt Changed Shiro’s name to: Mr fun times
Matt changed Lance’s name to: Shark bait
Shark bait: HOO HAH HAH
Matt changed Keith’s name to: Big Tex
Big Tex: -_-
Matt changed Romelle’s name to: Harley Quinn
Shark bait: why
Ginger dick: it’s the pigtails
Harley Quinn: cool
Ginger dick: and Pidge and Hunk don’t get one cause I can’t think of any right now
———————————————————
[9:43pm] Allura >> Dicks out for Harambe
Boss: Romelle is GLOWING
Boss: she is so happy
Boss: Hunk what did you do to her??
Shark Bait: What did SHE do to HIM??
Shark Bait: Hunk hasn’t stopped smiling since he got home
Big Tex: Love is disgusting
Boss: Keith GTFO
Big Tex: no
Boss: You’ve just never fallen in love before
Big Tex: yes I HAVE
Big Tex: I am in love with myself
Mr fun times: That’s a lie
Mr fun times: the only person who hates themselves more than Keith is Lance
Big Tex: wow Lance that’s a lot of hate
Shark Bait: It is crippling, yes
Shark Bait: The only thing that keeps me going is my love for my boy Hunk
Hunk: T~T
Hunk: I love my best friend!
Hunk: and my girlfriend
Harley Quinn: (▰˘◡˘▰)
Harley Quinn: I love my boyfren
Harley Quinn: and my best fren
Harley Quinn: and all of you
Pidge: yuck
Pidge: too much love
Big Tex: get back I think I’m gonna VOmIT
Mr fun times: I like my boyfriend sometimes
Ginger dick: :0
Mr Fun times: when he’s not being a dork
Boss: but he’s a dork all the time
Mr Fun Times: well then I guess I don’t like him that much...
Pidge: I have an important question
Pidge: because I’m sick of listening to you people being gross
Pidge: What is the solution to overpopulation?
Shark bait: Zombie apocalypse of course
Mr fun times: Blow up the planet
Boss: Migrate to mars
Big Tex: Murder
Ginger dick: A big tsunami
Harley Quinn: The hunger games
Hunk: ROMELLE NO
Big Tex: Romelle yes!
———————————————————
[10:01pm] Romelle >> Hunk
Rommee: <3
Hunka Hunka: <3333333333