Chapter Text
For how long had he been staring at the ceiling? It felt like both a minute and a day had passed. Maybe it had been? Who knows honestly. Diavolo was so out of it right now. It was like being half awake and half asleep. But this was no dream, right?
It took a couple of blinks to focus his eyes. He checked his phone to look at the time. 5:32 pm. Huh… So it was only around an hour? That’s a decent amount of time. cool, cool, it wasn’t as bad as last time. What was he supposed to do again?
Right, asking Doppio out. Actually, was it even considered asking out if you were just doing it out of spite? Also, how do you even say that to someone? “Hey, you know what would be fun?? If we went to a party together just to annoy my friend even though we don’t know each other teehee” no??
So now Diavolo had to think, for once. Does he just go for it, does he think about it or does he ask someone. Ask someone is the answer for now. But who does he ask advice from? Tiziano can work but he would never be getting the end of it. He also has that wine aunt vibe who would give actual advice and say that’s a bad idea. So that option is off. Squalo would either laugh at him or leave him on read. Cioccolata is out of the fucking question. I mean yeah. Having a human pet and all, probably gives you the confidence to do anything you want. But he would rather die than have Cioccolata help him. Secco couldn’t do much about this either.
This leaves Diavolo with one option left. Probably the sanest person in the entire “friend” group, Carne. Carne was mostly a quiet man. Though when spoken to, he’d respond like he was a Greek oracle. Only in ominous phrases that would make you question your own existence. Who knows what’s going in his head. Hell, Carne can probably see through the universe and time and it would make sense.
Diavolo took the phone that was lying on the side of pillow. He went into the contacts page and called Carne’s phone number.
It rung three times until it was picked up. A simple huff came from the other side.
“Carne, I require your help”
“?”
“How do I tell someone that they need to go out with me just to piss someone off”
“Specify”
“Remember that pink kid that was with us earlier? Well, me and the bitch boy goth were talking about Tiziano’s party and I needed a way to piss him off. So I just went off on him and told him that me and Doppio are going together because we’re dating”
The silence that came was suffocating. Diavolo began to think of what Carne could possibly be pondering about.
“Normally, one would say that you acted in a stupid matter, running your mouth like that over a lie. Though I understand your petty nature of wanting to be the king of kings. I may not agree with what you have done, but it is by fate that I must come to your guidance. Romantic relations are not meant to be child’s play. To prevent further damage to yourself and to your future, be truthful. If he refuses, you must accept this as your reality. You must fight within the purgatory of your mistakes and apologize to Risotto, Doppio, and yourself. I wish you the best of luck in this matter. Goodbye”
“Wait what the fuck does that mea-“ he was cut off by the sound of the call being hung up.
Fucking, “purgatory of your mistakes”? What? This was too complicated for Diavolo’s brain as he let off an annoyed sigh.
It’s better to just get over it now than later.
Riiing, riing , riiiiiiing~
“Yes, this is Doppio.”
“I need you to go to Tiziano’s party this Friday. I’ll pick you up at the arrow. No questions, just act as my boyfriend and I can explain later”
“What are you even talking about?”
“I said no questions. Show up at 8pm. Don’t be late”
With that, Diavolo hung up and Doppio was lost as ever.
Doppio was just trying to have a simple day organizing his things and this happens? Who does Diavolo think he is to just say that with no hesitation in his voice and think everything is gonna go his way?
Of course he’s going. Being horny is a full time job, and Doppio is committed. Thinking is not an option to get closer to his dream, literally too. He knew he was going to get a phone call but that gave him some fucking whiplash.
He opened up their chat and sent a couple texts
Doppio: hey what the fuck
Doppio: I mean I’m going just don’t ask like you want me to smuggle drugs
While he was typing out the third text, he got a notification from the “La Unita Specciale” sent by Carne.
Notorious B.I.G: not going to party
Squalhoe: WHAT
Master: but you’re our emotional support chef
It took some moments of silence from said Carne until he sent the best picture Doppio had ever seen in his life. It was the chunkiest, most fluffy corgi. The small
dog was sleeping on a brown bed with its head resting on the side.
Notorious B.I.G: notorious S.M.A.L.L.
There was no way to explain the utter feral energy Vinegar Doppio felt. The strong urge to pet was stronger than taking an espresso with Red Bull.
Doppio: BEBABBAVRYYYTYYTYYTTTTYYYYY
Doppio: I LOVE RVIM SOS MUCH
Next, Squalo sent a blurry picture of two people supposedly smiling. It was more like a transition shot in an animation so the details weren’t noticeable. The both look familiar though. Couldn’t remember the username, but he swears it was that one couple he followed on Instagram. He never paid much attention to them, but if they really are the same people he’d die of embarrassment.
Squalhoe: were going to ur house rn and sharkys driving
Did everyone just know where everyone lived? Well, of course! That’s what friends do right? Visit each other whenever they feel like it. With his luck one of them could be a killer in disguise.
Diabitch: nice dog and all but I still don’t get why you two use each other’s phones when you have your own
Doppio: you really live up to your name huh
Squalhoe: get him king
Diabitch: you can’t be rude to me, you’re my boyfriend :)