Chapter Text
"How many is it this time?" Wei Wuxian asks. Almost unconsciously, his hand has come up to curl over his sword's hilt, gripping it tightly.
"Seven," Wen Ning mumbles. "Cap, I don't think -"
"Take me to them," Wei Wuxian interrupts. Wen Ning looks like he wants to say something else, but thinks better of it and leads Wei Wuxian down into the hold instead.
As Wen Ning had said, there are seven merpeople there. They're crammed two into a barrel, except for the largest one, who bares her teeth and hisses at Wei Wuxian as he approaches. Mianmian steps away from the barrel, looking immensely relieved to be out of biting range.
"Hello," Wei Wuxian says.
"Fuck off," says the merwoman pleasantly.
Wei Wuxian sighs. For the past two weeks, they've been dealing with a sudden spate of Wen smugglers who seem to have decided that the hottest commodity on the market right now is no longer simply mer scales or hair, but live merpeople. Operating solely on tips and rumors (it's not like they're friends with any merpeople besides Lan Zhan) Wei Wuxian and his crew have been hunting them down, and releasing the captive merpeople.
During these weeks, he's learnt several things.
One: the Wens are even more despicable than he'd imagined. If you ask him, trafficking merpeople is just as awful as trafficking humans, despite the myriad of human laws that say otherwise.
And two: despite what he'd thought, because of Lan Zhan, merpeople actually can speak in the human tongue. (He’s not sure if Lan Zhan can’t speak, or just doesn’t want to speak, but he’s not going to pry.)
On the one hand, it speeds up communication a great deal.
On the other hand, most of what the merpeople have say to him consists of curses of varying degrees of severity. Which is fine. It's nothing Wei Wuxian isn't used to, having lived in the same household as Madam Yu and Jiang Cheng for the first eighteen years of his life, and then as a pirate with a less than stellar reputation for the next five or so. Still, it's a bit offensive!
He tells the merwoman this, and she snorts and says, "What reason would I have to be polite to a filthy human like you?" Her voice is lilting and heavily accented, and very distinctly inhuman, despite her words being of the human language.
Wei Wuxian had offered to use sign language with one merman, only to nearly get his hand chomped off because apparently that language is a sacred aspect of merculture and how dare some filthy human squander it!!
Whoops. Wei Wuxian hadn't mentioned Lan Zhan, because he felt that might be somewhat of a sore subject.
Anyway. Wei Wuxian takes a cautious step backwards away from the barrel, because the merwoman's fangs look exceedingly long and pointy (not unlike Lan Zhan's, but he's never been worried about Lan Zhan biting him before!) and says, "Okay, I don't blame you for your... distrust of humans, because I'll be the first to admit that most of us are pretty shitty, myself included, but especially those who captured you - I'm not affiliated with them, by the way -"
"Get to the point, human," the merwoman sighs. Wei Wuxian hears Mianmian stifling a laugh. Traitor.
"I was!" he protests. "My point is, I'm here to rescue you, so can you please ask your friends to put their fangs and claws away and not look like so obviously like they want to murder me?"
None of them listen to him. The merman in the barrel to Wei Wuxian’s left actually drags his claws menacingly over the wood of the barrel. Wei Wuxian takes another step back and says, "Okay, since I see you're not really up to chitchat, how about I just get you out of here as quickly as possible?"
The merwoman squints at him. Her tail flicks agitatedly at the water as best as it can manage in such a small tub - it's brown, and rather spiky. Wei Wuxian tries to recall which merkingdom Lan Zhan had told him possessed tails like that - was it Qinghe?
"Why are you doing this?" the merwoman asks him suddenly.
Wei Wuxian blinks. "Doing...what?"
"Helping us," she grits out. "You're a human. Shouldn't you hate us?"
"We don't hate you," Mianmian cuts in. "I know some humans do, but...we don't see any reason to. And no one should be treated like this, no matter the species."
The merwoman still eyes them disbelievingly. "So even though merpeople kill humans you're still just going to let us go?"
Wei Wuxian arches a brow. "Have any of you killed humans?"
Several of the merpeople make immediate sounds of denial, while the merwoman curls her lip and says, "Of course not. Why would we? We're not savages."
"Well, there you go," Wei Wuxian tells her. "You're not savages, we're not either. You don't want to kill humans, and we don't want humans to kill you. So, let's get you back into the sea, yeah?"
The scary merwoman gives him a long, assessing look, and Wei Wuxian tries not to squirm under the scrutiny. He doesn’t know what she sees that eventually makes her give him a curt nod, but he hopes it’s nothing bad.
It takes a fair bit of maneuvering, but eventually all the merpeople have been hauled on deck and lowered over the sides into the ocean.
The scary merwoman, who's apparently their leader of sorts, had assured Wei Wuxian that they're in a section of the ocean that's relatively danger free, close enough to their underwater kingdom - the exact location of which she'd staunchly refused to disclose.
(Wei Wuxian's not entirely sure how she knows - but, now that he thinks about it, Lan Zhan seems to have a similar navigational ability…something to do with being receptive to the Earth's magnetic fields, perhaps? Yet another thing to ask Lan Zhan about…)
The rest of the merpeople have disappeared underwater already, but she bobs up once more to look at Wei Wuxian. “Well,” she says, looking like she’s swallowed a lemon or something similarly unpleasant, “I guess we owe you a...debt now.”
Wei Wuxian thinks he’s probably making a similar face. “You really don’t. As I said, it was just...basic human decency? Us not being shitty people?”
“Do you want our gratitude or not, human,” snaps the merwoman.
“Uh,” Wei Wuxian says. “I mean, it’s nice to have, but we don’t...need it, you know? It’s not like we’re gonna force you to repay us or anything. All I’d ask for is that you don’t sink or ships or anything along those lines, but I’m guessing that’s not really something you guys are into, is it?”
“Of course not,” says the merwoman. Gesturing at herself, and at her fellow merpeople assembled in the water below, she says, “We are Nie merpeople, from Qinghe. We may have a reputation for being warlike, but we know better than to antagonize humans. We are not like that...what was his name? Light Bearer?”
Wei Wuxian blinks. “Light Bearer? What are you talking about?”
The merwoman grimaces, and another, smaller merman pipes up, “It was a while ago, so I don’t really remember properly, but the Light Bearer was a merman who sank over fifty human ships in the span of five months! They say that he was able to conjure up entire typhoons using only his voice! But he vanished and hasn’t been seen again in years...most of us believe that humans hunted him down and -”
“Enough,” the merwoman snaps. “Just spill all our secrets to the nice human while you’re at it, why don’t you?” The merman looks abashed, and ducks beneath the waves immediately. The merwoman sighs. “In any case, whatever is the truth about this Light Bearer, they’re definitely not around any more. So you don’t have to worry about them, or about us, sinking your little ship.” (“Suibian isn’t little,” Wei Wuxian mutters darkly.) Shrugging, the merwoman continues, “There is nothing we can really repay you with - I doubt our currency will be of much use on the surface. However...I can tell my king about what you have done for us. Perhaps he will have something he wishes to grant to you.”
“Ah, it’s really not,” Wei Wuxian begins, but the merpeople have already disappeared under the waves.
Mianmian nudges him. “Hey, why are you so against accepting whatever gift they want to give us? No offense, but we kind of need all the money we can get.”
“It’s the principle of the thing,” Wei Wuxian says distractedly. His mind keeps turning back to what the merpeople had told him, about this Light Bearer. He knows it’s a stretch, but he can’t help thinking - all those times he’d heard the Jiangs speculating about merpeople being responsible for what had happened to his parents, could it be -
He shakes his head. No. He’s not going to jump to conclusions. He knows better than anyone that merpeople are much more than the vicious monsters most of the laws make them out to be.
“Anyway,” Mianmian says slowly, probably sensing that something is off about him, “when you’re done spacing out, come take a look at this.” Wei Wuxian blinks, and she shows him what appears to be a heavily weathered map, frayed and browned around the edges as all good treasure maps should be. “Kind of vague, but if there’s a chance of treasure…”
“We’ll take it,” Wei Wuxian agrees. He sighs, and casts one last look out at the open waters. Maybe he’ll ask Lan Zhan about this Light Bearer, some other time. “Tell the others to get ready, guess we know where we’re headed next.”
Following the map leads them to a tiny, uninhabited island somewhere deep in the Southern Sea. As they trek through the dense forest, Wei Wuxian keeps expecting to encounter assorted monsters, ghouls, and other unsavory creatures that are staples of treasure hunts - and he's right, partially.
The only challenges they have to face on the way to the location marked on the map are a group of particularly irate monkeys, which pelt them with fruit - harmless, maybe, but still annoying as hell. Wei Wuxian's almost tempted to let A-Qing scamper up a tree to beat them up like she offers. Eventually, however, they bypass the monkeys, and reach the entrance to a subterranean cave system, which is probably where the treasure is hidden.
It is - and it's also guarded by weird, skeletal fish monsters that are a hassle to fight because of their total lack of organs to pierce. But, in time, the treasure is successfully retrieved, and hauled out of the caves, through the jungle, and back onto the beach where Suibian is anchored.
Wei Wuxian can see Lan Zhan peering down at them over the railing. He supposes they do make an... interesting sight: they're all sweaty and panting from the humid jungle climate, grimy from being tossed into the murky cave waters by the bone fish, and A-Qing's swinging around a femur that she'd collected from heaven knows where.
The treasure that they'd found isn't even that impressive: only four chests in total, and little gold or precious gems amidst the items in the hoard. It'll fetch them a tidy sum when they sell it, but not as much as Wei Wuxian had been hoping for. Dammit, he'd expected piracy to be much more glamorous than this!
Still, treasure is treasure, so they're all in pretty good spirits by the time they finish loading the loot onto the ship. It's only mid afternoon, so Wen Qing suggests that they all take a dip in the ocean because, as she puts it delicately, they reek.
"Also," she tells Lan Zhan, "I think your tail has improved to a point where you could probably manage to swim in shallow waters such as these - deeper waters with stronger currents might still be a hazard, but you should be fine here."
So Wei Wuxian hefts Lan Zhan out of his tub and carries him down into the sea so he can stretch his...tail. He swims slow circles in the shallow waters nearest to the beach, at first, then ventures further out, swimming faster, then diving far below the surface. Wei Wuxian watches him, the smooth strokes of his tail, the way the sunlight glints off his scales and the way his long hair streams out behind him in the water.
Lan Zhan...belongs in the sea. Well, he’s a merman, of course he does, but it’s more than that. He just looks so...comfortable here. So happy, in a way he doesn’t when he’s stuck in some stupid tub. He should never have been forced out of it in the first place and, if all goes well, he’ll be able to return to it soon enough.
(Wei Wuxian tells himself that this is definitely what he wants. Lan Zhan would be happier beneath the waves. It doesn’t matter if Wei Wuxian would probably, definitely, not want him to leave, would not want to spend another five years away from him, is afraid he might have forgotten how to -)
After lounging around on the ship for about an hour, the crew returns to the beach to continue lounging. For all that the island is home to creepy bone fish monsters, the scenery here is actually quite nice. And as a bonus, it’s completely deserted, so the crew can, for once, kick back and relax without having to worry about being hauled into jail by some naval officials.
Wei Wuxian stays close to the water’s edge, to keep an eye on Lan Zhan. Not in a creepy way, just to make sure he’s not in trouble. After all, his tail is still injured, somewhat…
But Lan Zhan seems perfectly fine, which just makes Wei Wuxian feel a little foolish to be virtually hovering over him, like Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan do with A-Qing. Lan Zhan is a merman, after all. He’s a much better swimmer than Wei Wuxian could ever hope to be. And even if he does get into trouble, it’s not like he can drown…
Suddenly, he realises he can’t see Lan Zhan anymore. Before he can panic, he spots him swimming up towards the beach. He surfaces a few meters away, and looks at Wei Wuxian expectantly. Wei Wuxian wades in towards him.
“Is something wrong?” he asks. Lan Zhan shakes his head, then takes Wei Wuxian’s hand and presses something gently into it. When Wei Wuxian uncurls his fingers to look, it’s a sea stone - not very large, but perfectly rounded, and so smooth it’s reflective. It’s a deep, deep black, streaked through with veins of crimson that almost seem to glow in the afternoon sun.
“Oh,” Wei Wuxian breathes. “It’s beautiful.”
[It reminded me of you,] Lan Zhan signs.
Wei Wuxian knows he didn’t mean it like that, but he still can’t resist smirking and saying, “Oh, Lan Zhan, are you trying to say that I am also beautiful?”
He flicks his hair and winks for good measure, and is also totally unprepared for Lan Zhan to nod, straight faced. Wei Wuxian chokes on nothing, trips on the sand underfoot, and pitches forward into the water, which is definitely not his finest moment. Thankfully, Lan Zhan catches him before he can inhale a noseful of seawater.
[Are you okay?] he signs, all innocent, once he’s set Wei Wuxian upright. Wei Wuxian does his best to glower at him.
“Of course I’m not!” he snaps. “You can’t just tell me stuff like that out of the blue! It’s bad for my health! See, I almost drowned just now!”
Lan Zhan’s lips twitch upwards, the absolute menace.
Lan Zhan, over the next hour, retrieves little trinkets for the rest of the crew as well. A brilliantly scarlet rock for Wen Qing. A creamy white shell, flecked with red, for Wen Ning. A pale pink stone, shaped like a star, for Mianmian. Two rocks with jagged edges that somehow manage to align perfectly, in varying hues of blue, for Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (Wei Wuxian sniggers a little when he sees this). A vibrant green stone that’s wickedly sharp and could probably double as a dagger, for A-Qing. And, for A-Yuan, a rather giant shell, riotously multicoloured, which the child takes one look at and promptly bursts into tears.
“You didn’t have to, you know,” Wei Wuxian tells Lan Zhan, after. He’s waded out into the sea again, to float flat on his back alongside Lan Zhan. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to...repay us, or anything. For helping you.”
[I don’t,] Lan Zhan signs. He has to lean over Wei Wuxian so he can see, which has the added bonus of keeping the sun out of Wei Wuxian’s eyes. [But I wanted to.]
“Oh.” Wei Wuxian kicks his legs a little. “Well, at any rate, it was really nice of you.” His own stone is tucked away safely in his belt, left with his outer clothes back on the beach - he has a feeling it’ll be a long time till he’ll be able to look at it without blushing. “How did you even find those stones? Every time I go diving, I never find ones as nice as that.”
[Merpeople have better eyesight underwater,] Lan Zhan explains, [and we know where to look.]
“Oh, now you’re just showing off,” Wei Wuxian grumbles. He tries to flip himself into an upright position, then realises that he’s drifted so far out his feet can’t reach the seabed anymore. Lan Zhan quickly reaches out to steady him.
[You are too far out,] he signs, brow furrowed. [You should go back.]
Wei Wuxian pouts. “But I wanna stay out here with you!”
[You will get tired,] Lan Zhan points out.
“Will I?” Wei Wuxian wonders. Quickly, before Lan Zhan can react, he loops his arms around the merman’s neck and presses closer, so that he no longer has to tread water to keep himself afloat. “Lan Zhan, you won’t let anything happen to me, will you?”
Lan Zhan shakes his head immediately. Wei Wuxian feels his tail come up between his legs, probably for better support. It flicks languidly, just enough to keep them both afloat, and its cool, solid weight is a bit...distracting. Wei Wuxian shivers a little, involuntary, and Lan Zhan frowns.
Are you cold? he writes. His hands rest on Wei Wuxian's waist to keep him upright, and at the feel of Lan Zhan's long fingers dragging lightly over the bare skin there, Wei Wuxian can't help but shiver harder.
Lan Zhan's frown deepens, so Wei Wuxian quickly changes the topic and says, "So! Did you collect a lot of rocks and stuff, back in your home?"
Lan Zhan hesitates. Collecting stones was a social event, he writes. There were no groups for me to join.
Wei Wuxian's not quite sure what to say to this. On the one hand, Lan Zhan doesn't seem all that bothered by it, but on the other hand, Wei Wuxian is. Finally, he tells Lan Zhan, "Well, you're pretty good at it either way. And don't worry, you have us to go swimming with you now!"
Lan Zhan's lips twitch slightly, and he averts his gaze.
Wei Wuxian sighs. "You know, Lan Zhan, you know so much about me already. Yet, you've never really told me much about you."
The laws -
Wei Wuxian slaps at his hand lightly. "Forget about that! You don't have to tell me all your deep dark merpeople state secrets or anything like that, just something...fun. Like, what's your favorite thing to do when you're at home?"
Read.
"Eh, I could've guessed that. What else?"
Play my guqin.
Wei Wuxian perks up. "What's that? Some kind of instrument?"
Lan Zhan nods. Stringed. Sound carries easily underwater.
"Oh, damn, that's so cool," Wei Wuxian gushes. "You have to let me hear some time!"
Lan Zhan gives him a flat look. You would be unable to hear.
Wei Wuxian huffs. "Whatever, killjoy. Anyway, what else?"
Look after my turtles.
Wei Wuxian blinks. "What do you mean, turtles?"
My pets, Lan Zhan tells him. Then, softer, You gave them to me.
At first, Wei Wuxian's not sure what Lan Zhan is talking about. Then, all of a sudden -
"Lan Zhan!" he exclaims, delighted, flailing around so much Lan Zhan has to grip his waist even tighter, "you actually kept them?"
Lan Zhan nods, and Wei Wuxian beams helplessly at him.
When Wei Wuxian was twelve, just a few months after he'd met Lan Zhan and back when Lan Zhan had still been staunchly ignoring him and pretending(?) to loathe him, he'd found two baby turtles on the beach, newly hatched. A gull was eyeing them rather hungrily, so Wei Wuxian had chased it off, scooped up the tiny turtles and carried them over to Lan Zhan.
He'd placed them down gently in the sand near to where Lan Zhan was half submerged in the water, glowering at him suspiciously. Lan Zhan's eyes had widened slightly when he saw the turtles, and even more when one of them had crawled over to nudge at his hand.
"Ah, they like you!" Wei Wuxian had exclaimed, delighted. "You should keep them!"
Lan Zhan had glared at him and signed a word Wei Wuxian had come to be very familiar with over the short course of his acquaintance with Lan Zhan: [Ridiculous.]
Wei Wuxian had expected Lan Zhan to have let the turtles go, and probably to have forgotten all about them. Not to have kept them, up to now, all these years.
I train them, Lan Zhan tells him. They carry messages.
The image of Lan Zhan speaking solemnly and seriously to a tiny sea turtle turns out to be too much for Wei Wuxian to take: he pushes himself closer and buries his face in Lan Zhan's shoulder. "Ah, Lan Zhan, you're too…"
What is wrong? Lan Zhan writes, in the small of Wei Wuxian's back.
"Nothing's wrong," Wei Wuxian says. "Just...I wasn't really expecting you to keep them, you know?"
You gave them to me, Lan Zhan writes, like that's supposed to make Wei Wuxian any less confused.
"Yeah, but you didn't even like me back then!" Wei Wuxian reminds him. "You used to hate it when I came to see you! You called me annoying like, every five minutes!"
Lan Zhan's nose wrinkles. It's stupidly cute. I never disliked you, he writes.
Wei Wuxian snorts. "Well, I guessed as much. Still, I never really thought that you considered me much of a friend - I mean, if we hadn't met again now, you probably would have forgotten all about me, after I left Lotus Pier -"
His words stutter off as Lan Zhan's fingers tighten on his waist, just the slightest. Would not.
"Would not what? You wouldn't have forgotten about me? Ah, Lan Zhan, that's nice of you to say, but -"
Would not, Lan Zhan writes again, fingers pressing harder into Wei Wuxian's skin. Did not. Thought about you. Every day.
"Ah," Wei Wuxian murmurs, not quite sure what to say about this. It feels rather like his world has been flipped - not so much upside down, but significantly sideways. It's not that he'd thought Lan Zhan had hated him, but he hadn't imagined Lan Zhan would be all that broken up about his absence either. "You…wait," he says, stiffening as something occurs to him, "I never did tell you I was leaving, did I? I just…"
Lan Zhan's head ducks. It is fine.
"No, it's not!" Wei Wuxian insists. He clutches at Lan Zhan's shoulders, fingers slipping slightly on the light dusting of scales there. They’re smaller, thinner than the ones on his tail, creeping up along his neck and along his cheekbones. "I didn't even say goodbye to you! I wanted to, I swear, but with everything happening at Lotus Pier all at once I just wanted to get away from there as quickly as possible and I didn't even think -"
I didn't even think you'd care if I was gone.
Wei Ying, Lan Zhan writes, softly now. It is fine.
"You don't mind? Really?"
I was...worried, Lan Zhan admits. I did not know what had happened to you. But...I have managed to meet you again, and for that I am thankful.
"I never meant to worry you," Wei Wuxian whispers. He feels himself slipping slightly, so he wraps his legs around Lan Zhan's waist to support himself better, and presses in closer, till they're almost chest to chest. "I'm sorry."
No need, Lan Zhan writes. Is it just Wei Wuxian's imagination, or are his fingers trembling slightly? Lan Zhan's jaw is clenched - is he so upset about this?
“No need for what?” Wei Wuxian asks, softly. Lan Zhan’s face is usually more than a little hard to read, but right now it’s all but inscrutable, an utterly unfamiliar emotion brimming in his eyes.
No need for apologies, Lan Zhan writes. Not between us.
“Oh,” Wei Wuxian breathes. There’s a lot he wants to say to that but, somehow, for once, words seem to have abandoned him. There’s guilt swirling in his stomach, the weight of it so heavy it’s almost sickening. Back when he’d been leaving, he’d barely even spared a thought for Lan Zhan - it had all been a rush of getting whatever ship he could find and just leaving as quickly as possible. It was only later, alone on the wide, open ocean, that he’d remembered - this was around the time he’d usually be going to the cove to see Lan Zhan.
(Lan Zhan, who had probably waited futilely for him to show up, not knowing what had happened to him.)
Wei Wuxian had no way of contacting him. He had no clue as to the whereabouts of Lan Zhan’s kingdom, and, at that point, returning to Lotus Pier had been totally out of the question. So he’d just hoped that Lan Zhan would give up, realise he wasn’t coming back, and put Wei Wuxian behind him.
Wei Wuxian shivers, for an entirely different reason now. Again, Lan Zhan’s strong arms tighten around his waist, holding him close. Lan Zhan is really so…
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian murmurs, and Lan Zhan strokes his waist encouragingly. “I..” he trails off, not knowing how to continue. Lan Zhan has already told him not to apologize but, really, what else can he do?
Instead of speaking, Wei Wuxian tilts his head closer, almost without realising it, and Lan Zhan's eyes widen. They're almost completely black now, his slitted pupils dilated so they're huge and dark, swallowing up the gold. Even as his fingers continue to tremble, they also continue to keep Wei Wuxian held close, pressed against his chest.
It occurs to Wei Wuxian just then how close they are, how... compromising their position looks, what with the way he’s got his legs wrapped around Lan Zhan’s waist, his fingers still clutching at his shoulders. He feels himself blushing, but he can't bring himself to do the smart thing and detach himself from Lan Zhan. Instead, he slides his arms around the merman's neck again, lets his fingers tangle in Lan Zhan's hair. They find the cool silk of the ribbon and give it an experimental tug - Lan Zhan's lips part slightly, but he doesn't tell Wei Wuxian to stop, so he does it again. And again.
At the third tug, the knot loosens and the ribbon slips right off.
Lan Zhan does gasp at this, a small noise escaping his lips. Wei Wuxian’s eyes drop to them immediately. “Lan Zhan,” he whispers, “I want…”
What does he want? Even he’s not entirely sure yet - all he knows is that he wants, needs, to be close to Lan Zhan, to feel him under his hands, his mouth -
He leans even closer, and Lan Zhan's fingers are tracing his name over and over, hurried, messy strokes that may as well be spelling out nonsense, as Wei Wuxian lets his eyes slip closed and -
"Cap! Lan Zhan!" A-Qing's voice floats out from the beach, and Wei Wuxian lurches back so quickly he almost slips out of Lan Zhan's arms. Swallowing hard, looking anywhere but Lan Zhan's face, because he can't bear to see the expression there, he twists around to see the small, distant figures of his crew on the shore.
“Are you gonna join us for dinner or are you two gonna keep making out?” A-Qing yells, and Wei Wuxian laughs awkwardly, then, like an idiot, forgets to tread water and slips below the surface briefly, getting a mouthful of seawater. He reemerges, spluttering, and Lan Zhan’s taking hold of him immediately. Unthinkingly, Wei Wuxian shakes off his hands.
“Don’t touch me,” he says, sharper than intended, regretting it immediately as he sees Lan Zhan flinch slightly. He wants to apologize but...he’s scared. Scared of what he had been so close to doing, of what he still wants to do, of what he might do if Lan Zhan touches him again. Scared of what it means.
And, even more than that, he’s scared of the fact that he can’t even pretend that these feelings are particularly new. That, if he’s to be brutally honest with himself, he’s probably been feeling this way for...years now, and has just never wanted to admit it to himself.
And, what he’s afraid of the most, is the fact that Lan Zhan probably, definitely, certainly doesn’t feel the same way about him.
(Dinner that night is a strangely subdued affair. The captain and his merman boyfriend are being strangely distant, in stark contrast to the way they were clinging to each other earlier in the day.
As if that’s not strange enough, when Qing jiejie and Mianmian get back from their long (romantic) stroll, they’re avoiding each other’s eyes and not speaking to each other and sitting as far away from each other as possible. Hmm.
At least the daozhangs aren’t being weird too, A-Qing thinks mulishly, holding her skewered meat aloft above the fire and trying to think of some way to diffuse the tension. Well. Any weirder than they already are.
All in all, it’s awkward as fuck and only confirms what A-Qing already knows: adults are idiots.)
After coming to the terrible, life-ruining realization that he’s more than a little in love with Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian decides to handle the situation in a calm, rational, Adult manner.
“Exactly what part of this is calm and rational?” Wen Qing demands, when Wei Wuxian tries to explain. “You’re literally just ignoring him.”
“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian says, “that’s the calmest thing I can do. It’s better than being around him all the time and wanting to, you know, kiss him and stuff -”
“Ugh, I don’t want to hear,” Wen Qing groans. “Men are so stupid. Even if they’re half fish.”
Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow indignantly. “Men?” he demands. “Uh, so what’s up with you and Mianmian then, oh sage one? Why are the two of you being all awkward and shifty with each other?”
“It’s none of your business,” Wen Qing says tartly. “Besides, we’re handling it.”
“Yeah, I guess you’ve been handling it for what, the last two weeks?”
“The same last two weeks that you spent ignoring Lan Zhan?”
Wei Wuxian pouts. “I told you, that’s different. Lan Zhan obviously doesn’t love me back, so I just need to give it some time until I can...get these feelings under control. You, on the other hand, have no excuse whatsoever - anyone can tell that Mianmian adores you, so I don’t see what the problem is.”
Wen Qing glowers a little more, then sighs and turns to stare over the railing instead, out at the vast expanse of glimmering sea. “Sometimes it’s not that simple, Wei Wuxian,” she says quietly.
Wei Wuxian sighs as well. “Yeah, I know.” All too well.
He fully intends on continuing to - well, not really avoid, but stay away from Lan Zhan for the foreseeable future, at least until the urge to kiss him senseless stops being so overwhelming. Which doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon. Tragic. Feelings are so terrible. Who let them exist?!
However, Wei Wuxian’s brilliant plan is foiled by the way he gets chewed out by his entire crew, even the reticent Song Lan, even A-Yuan, for making Fish gege sad.
Wei Wuxian winces. He knows Lan Zhan must be feeling confused about this whole thing, and he feels terrible about it, but what is he supposed to do? Talk to him?
“Yes,” Mianmian snaps, and shoves him in the direction of the barrel one night. “Stop being such a baby about it!”
“Hey!” Wei Wuxian starts, but Mianmian’s already disappearing below deck, and shutting the door with a definitive click. He hears the lock turning, and Mianmian calls, “You can’t come down until you sort this out!”
“What the fuck!” Wei Wuxian complains, but no one responds. Groaning loudly at this audacious mutiny, he almost forgets about his more pressing concern - Lan Zhan, peering at him from his tub, gold eyes all but glowing in the moonlight.
[Wei Ying?] he signs, movements small and tentative. [What happened?]
“Fuck,” Wei Wuxian mutters. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay. I can do this.” He takes a deep breath and makes his way over to the tub, leaning against it with a nonchalance he’s not even close to feeling. “Hey, Lan Zhan! So, uh, what have you been up to lately?”
Lan Zhan doesn’t respond. Instead, he gets straight to the point, and asks, [Did I do something wrong?]
Wei Wuxian winces, which Lan Zhan seems to take the wrong way, because he immediately signs, [I apologize -]
“Hey, didn’t you tell me the other day that there’s no need for apologies between us?” Wei Wuxian says sternly, touching Lan Zhan’s hand lightly to cut him off. Lan Zhan’s eyes drop to where their hands are touching, and Wei Wuxian immediately yanks his hand away, as if he’s been scalded.
“Ah, sorry,” he says, chuckling nervously. “But, really, you don’t have to apologize. It’s my fault I’ve been acting so...distant these last couple of weeks. It’s just something dumb I’m going through, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine in no time.” He probably won’t, but he can’t avoid Lan Zhan forever.
Lan Zhan brings his hands up, then lowers them again, like he can’t quite figure out what to say. After a moment, he signs, [Do you want me to leave?]
Wei Wuxian startles. “What? What do you mean?”
[My tail is better. I can swim again. I do not have to stay here.]
“You -” Wei Wuxian is aware that his heart is racing in his chest, that he’s getting too anxious over this but - he’s always known that Lan Zhan would leave at some point, but to have it happen now - “You want to leave?”
[If my presence makes you uncomfortable,] Lan Zhan signs, [I will leave.]
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable!” Wei Wuxian insists. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to - well, I mean, if you don’t want to be here, then obviously I won’t force you to stay or anything, but I -” He pauses to inhale, to try to collect his thoughts. “I...I know I've been acting strangely these last few weeks, but that's on me. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just something dumb, and it's my problem. Don't worry about it."
Lan Zhan looks at him for a few moments longer, then asks, [Is this about what happened at the island?]
Wei Wuxian almost starts. How did...how did Lan Zhan know? Does Lan Zhan know what Wei Wuxian had been thinking then, how close Wei Wuxian had come to kissing him?
"It's not," Wei Wuxian answers truthfully because it's not about what had happened two weeks ago. It's not like he'd fallen in love with Lan Zhan only then - it's just that he'd somehow managed to finally realise it (after what, seven or so years? Wow, maybe Jiang Cheng was right, he really is dense.)
But - "Were you uncomfortable?" Wei Wuxian asks, suddenly anxious.
Lan Zhan shakes his head. Something about his expression has softened minutely, though Wei Wuxian can't quite put his finger on it. He signs something, but the moon has gone behind a cloud, making it too dark for Wei Wuxian to make out.
He frowns. Usually, by now, Lan Zhan would have already taken his arm to write on, like he usually does. He'd worried that he had made Wei Wuxian uncomfortable - is it that he thinks Wei Wuxian doesn't want him to touch him?
Wei Wuxian's heart clenches at the thought and, before he can think better of it, he reaches over and grabs Lan Zhan's hand, places it on his arm. "Lan Zhan," he complains, "it's too dark. Just talk to me like this."
Lan Zhan seems to freeze. His cool fingers are tense and unmoving on Wei Wuxian's skin. Just as Wei Wuxian is about to apologise and probably slink off in mortification, Lan Zhan writes, Okay.
Wei Wuxian can't help but sigh in relief. "Okay," he repeats.
He stays out on deck talking with Lan Zhan for about another hour or so, because the downside to avoiding Lan Zhan for two weeks is that it results in him missing Lan Zhan rather terribly.
Eventually, when it must be nearing nine, Lan Zhan says, It is getting late. You should sleep.
Wei Wuxian whines. "Eh, I don't wanna have to beg those traitors to let me back in. I'll just sleep out here on the deck - wouldn't be the first time!"
Lan Zhan says nothing, but fixes Wei Wuxian with a look that quite plainly conveys his opinion on Wei Wuxian's sleeping habits.
Wei Wuxian laughs, and lets himself slump more comfortably against the barrel. His arm is still stretched out above his head, and Lan Zhan is still holding his hand. He's made no move to let it go, and Wei Wuxian's certainly not going to be the first one to move away.
Lan Zhan isn't writing anything in particular. Instead, he's just tracing mindless, nonsensical patterns into Wei Wuxian's skin - light swirls and strokes of his gentle finger that lull Wei Wuxian almost to sleep.
Just before he drifts off, he thinks he feels Lan Zhan write - no. Of course not, why would Lan Zhan write something like that? Wishful thinking, he tells himself ruefully, and closes his eyes.
"Hey, I heard the Yiling Patriarch is in town!"
“Ha, no way. Don’t you think we’d have noticed his ship, if he was?”
“Are you blind? There’s a pirate ship right there in the harbour.”
“What, that dingy old thing? Come on. The Suibian is a fearsome vessel, not some dinky old tub!”
At this, Wei Wuxian feels compelled to intervene. Insulting him is one thing, but insulting his ship is another matter entirely. He can take whatever jabs people throw at him personally, but it’s a matter of honour for a pirate to defend his crew. Clearing his throat, he twists around slightly, feet still dangling off the edge of the pier and into the water below. “Fellas,” he calls, and the three townspeople stop talking and glance over at him. Throwing them his most winsome smile, he says, “What’s that you were saying about the Suibian?”
One of the townspeople, a woman in a blue dress, laughs. “The Suibian? Of course you know of it, right? The Yiling Patriarch’s own ship, the one that’s survived a hundred battles, has been pierced by a thousand cannons and has yet never sunk!”
“Who doesn’t know of it?” Wei Wuxian says, mood lifting immediately at the (maybe slightly exaggerated praise). “After all, isn’t the Yiling Patriarch the most infamous and feared pirate to ever terrorize the eight seas?” He somehow senses Lan Zhan rolling his eyes at him, from the shadowed water below the pier.
Another woman, this one in a red dress, hums thoughtfully. “Well, I wouldn’t say that,” she says. “From what I hear, he’s a hopeless drunkard.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Wei Wuxian says, a little indignant. “Can’t a man enjoy a good jar of wine every once or twice?” More like once or twice every day, but still.
“I also hear that he’s afraid of dogs,” a man in a green shirt giggles. “I heard that once he ran away screaming from a little puppy - it was only this big!”
Wei Wuxian scowls, not really enjoying the direction this conversation is headed. “Hey! Cynophobia is a very real and valid condition, there’s no need to make fun of him for it!”
“And did you hear,” the woman in the blue dress says, voice dropping to a conspiratorial hush, “what a womanizer he is! Whichever town he lands at, he’ll bed at least half the women there! From what I hear, he’s got at least twenty illegitimate kids running around by now -”
It’s this last part that makes Wei Wuxian choke on his meatbun. He glances down to see Lan Zhan giving him a flat look that still somehow manages to be questioning. Wei Wuxian shakes his head immediately. He doesn’t know why it seems so imperative to ensure Lan Zhan doesn’t believe rumours like that, but it just is.
“I really don’t believe that’s true,” Wei Wuxian interjects, and the woman in the blue dress stares at him skeptically.
“How would you know?” she says. “It’s not as if you know the Yiling Patriarch personally, is it?”
Wei Wuxian coughs discreetly. Out of all the rumours that he’s seen tossed around about him, it’s this one that seems the most outrageous - he hasn’t even kissed anyone before! The only times he’s ever held hands with any girls have been with his shijie, or when Mianmian is saving him from toppling overboard, or when Wen Qing is holding him down to perform some painful medical procedure - what exactly do people take him for!
It’s been like this even before he became a pirate, he thinks rather mournfully. Back in Yunmeng, he’d always had a reputation as a flirt (not entirely unfounded) and the list of people he’d allegedly been entangled with could’ve stretched around the entirety of Lotus Pier. He’d used to complain that it was his own fault for being so handsome - after all, how could anyone with eyes and a brain possibly imagine that someone with his looks would remain single for long?
(It was also usually around this point that Jiang Cheng would punch him in the stomach and tell him to stop speaking foolishness, because he's mean like that.)
He glances downwards at Lan Zhan again. How would it feel to kiss him, he wonders idly, not for the first time, and then immediately jerks his head away, flustered. Lan Zhan is pretty much the only person he’s wanted to kiss as more than a passing fancy, but it’s really no use thinking about it, because, after all, it’ll never happen. Lan Zhan doesn’t like him, not like that.
But if by some miracle Lan Zhan did feel the same way, would...would he want to kiss Wei Wuxian too? Do merpeople even kiss, or is that custom just specific to humans? Would Lan Zhan want to do...other stuff? Wei Wuxian feels his face growing hot, but he somehow can’t stop thinking about it - how would that even work, what with the...anatomical differences?
This...really isn’t the best time and place to be considering such matters. Wei Wuxian wrenches his thoughts away, just in time to see another man run up to the group and breathlessly say, “Did you hear? The Prince of Yunmeng has been kidnapped!”
Wei Wuxian jolts to his feet immediately. “What did you just say?”
“I - I just heard the news,” the man stammers. “He’s been taken by Wen pirates - held aboard their ship - there’s a ransom, the King and Queen have already sent the Royal Navy after them -”
Wei Wuxian doesn’t stick around to hear more. Ignoring the startled cries of the group of townspeople, he scrambles to his feet and takes off running down the pier and into town, where he finds his crew easily - after all, he knows all their usual haunts better than anyone. He tells them to meet him at the ship pronto, and they all agree easily, except for A-Qing, whom he has to drag away from the tavern of people she was trying to con. Then they’re loading Lan Zhan back into his tub as discreetly as possible, and they’re off.
“Where exactly are we going?” Mianmian ventures.
“I’ve got a brother to save,” Wei Wuxian announces.
“You have a brother?” A-Qing says. Wei Wuxian stares at her.
“Yes,” he says. “Haven’t I told you all about him? Jiang Cheng? The Prince of Yunmeng? The one on all the posters around town?”
“Ooooh, right,” A-Qing says. “Him. Ha, your brother is a prince. I forgot you used to be rich.”
“Hey, I’m still rich,” Wei Wuxian protests.
“Whatever,” A-Qing says dismissively. “As long as we get to collect the reward money once we rescue him, right?”
Wei Wuxian kind of has a feeling that Queen Ziyuan would literally rather leave Jiang Cheng to the Wens than give him money of any kind, but he shrugs anyway. “We’ll see about it.” Besides, it’s not the money he cares about. Despite all that may have happened in the past, Jiang Cheng will always be his baby brother, and, well.
Wei Wuxian’s got a ship, he’s got a capable crew, and he’s got more than enough experience in recovering loot from Wens, not to mention a more than significant competitive grudge against the Royal Navy. This is going to be a piece of cake.