Chapter Text
Chapter 10
Natasha permits herself only a minute to cry before she pulls herself together and begins the process of cleaning her body. After several rounds of vigorous scrubbing, she finally looks more or less like herself.
Getting out of the shower she wrapped a towel around herself and pulled her wet hair into a bun before moving into her closet and quickly grabbing her comfiest clothing and dressing.
Stepping into the elevator she asks Jarvis to take her to the common room. Straightening her shoulders, she forces her breathing to reach normal levels before the elevator doors open.
Slinking into the living room Natasha gauged the area for any unknown variables and was alarmed to find Dr. Cho sitting beside Pepper gesturing to something on her starkpad while Pepper looked on with an uncomfortable expression.
Already cautious of what Pepper had wanted to see her about Natasha took a deep breath before scuffing her feet allowing the two women to hear her approach.
Pepper jerked her head up so rapidly making Natasha worry she might get whiplash. Making note of Pepper’s strange facial expression she looked over to see the petite doctor looking at her cautiously.
While they had met before Natasha loathed being near the medical area due to certain memories from her past and had, therefore, kept her space from that section of the tower and consequently from Dr. Helen Cho. She had thought the doctor was away from the tower working from Seoul on some experimental drug. Natasha made it a habit to know who was in the tower at all times so the fact she was here had Natasha ruffled.
“Lovely to see you again Ms. Nomanoff, sorry to keep you from your rest but I have some information I feel I need to share with you.” She waves the redhead over to sit beside her.
Keeping her emotions buried behind an expressionless face Natasha makes her way over to the sectional and sits. Once settled, she arches an eyebrow at the other woman, making the young doctor uncomfortable, but Dr. Cho pushes past that to talk to the assassin earning a kernel of respect from Natasha.
“I just recently returned to the tower when I found out what had happened to Mr. Stark.” At the doctor’s omission, Natasha cuts her eyes to Pepper, the only person who would have contacted the expert. Looking ashamed Pepper avoids her eyes and focuses on the starkpad in Helen Cho’s hands. Natasha, however, could not find it in herself to be upset with the CEO if she were in her right mind she would have been the one to call the physician instead of playing pretend.
“I understand this is a…delicate situation but I wish I had been called in sooner. Having said that I think we need to focus on getting Mr. Stark back to his old self. I have a pretty good idea about how to go about fixing his memory, but it will take a few days. I explained to Ms. Potts a few minutes ago my hypothesis and she wanted me to talk to you before going ahead with anything.”
Natasha felt herself become impossibly still. For a terrible second, she could imagine herself reaching across and silencing the doctor forever, the next second she felt Pepper’s hand grasp hers. Pulling herself back from the brink Natasha struggled to refocus on what she was hearing.
While the doctor continued to explain her theory, unaware of the effect it was having on the redhead, Natasha could feel herself sinking into her red room persona. Though it destroyed her and made her want to throw up she clawed and kicked her rising emotions down until she could no longer sense them, embracing the comforting numbness that began to overtake her body.
Hearing a throat lightly clear Natasha realized both women were looking at her for a response. She sees Pepper swiftly glance at her face before turning to Dr. Cho and gently asking her to leave them. The physician nodded softly at Pepper before grabbing her materials and exiting the room.
“Natasha I’m sorry. I was just so worried about Tony and desperate for an answer and everyone had left so I called her in. I know I should have waited to talk to you, but I panicked when Tony started flipping out over you leaving and called her in.” Observing the strawberry blonde, she detects the tension around Pepper’s body and sees how tightly wound she is as she began to ramble.
“She landed a few hours ago and when she learned of the situation, she ran some tests. I found out about her idea right before you landed. I don’t want you to think you’ve been left in the dark. I know how you feel about Tony and I know how he feels about you and together you guys are the happiest I have ever seen but this isn’t the right way to come together. Tony needs to come back and then you guys can work out your relationship and maybe then -”
“Breathe Pepper, breathe,” Natasha instructs the other woman realizing how close she was to hyperventilating. Gently grasping Pepper’s chin between her fingers, she forces Pepper to meet her eyes. Locking eyes, she commands the CEO to take a deep breath and then another, until she calms down.
“I understand.” Ignoring the shake of Pepper’s head, she continues, “If I had been in the right mind, I would have done exactly what you did but instead I put you in a no-win situation.” She watches as Pepper’s forehead wrinkled in bewilderment. “I. fucked. up. I knew better but I let my emotions get the better of me and forced your hand. Emotional attachments and love are for children and the weak. I don’t deserve a happy ending I have too much red in my ledger.”
Pepper roughly shook her head at the redhead trying to deny her statements, but Natasha knew she was right. Natasha began to rise from the sectional when Pepper roughly encircled her wrist.
“You can’t think that Nat. You are family. You are an amazing person who cares deeply, that’s why Tony feels so strongly about you and he always has. You cannot keep lying to yourself and saying your past is all that defines you that is bullshit.”
Keeping a tight leash on her emotions that desperately wanted to bubble up, she gently broke the hold on her wrist and pulled away from Pepper and left the room ignoring the rising protests.
Making her way quickly down the hallway Natasha tried to get her thoughts in order but try as she might the ease of slipping into her red room persona was becoming harder to accomplish.
“You can come down now, Clint,” Natasha muttered tiredly waiting for the archer to drop down from the vents he had been lurking in since she entered the common room. “One of these days eavesdropping is going to get you killed.”
“And keeping your emotions bottled up is going to give you a heart attack or stroke,” dropping down beside her Clint, who still had flecks of blue all over his skin, roughly pulled her into his arms. And though she could and should easily break free she allowed part of herself to sink into the warmth of her longtime cohort.
Part of her would always wonder what this man had seen in her to go against direct orders and save her.
“We’re going to figure this out Tasha, everything is going to work out,” Clint spoke fiercely into her hair ignoring her huff of disbelief. “And if we can’t come up with an insane plan to fix this then I certainly know a young lady by the name of Darcy who thrives on doing the impossible.”
Natasha felt her lips quirk up at the thought of unleashing Darcy and following one of her insane schemes the last one had left their eyebrows burned off.
Guiding her up to the penthouse with his shoulder slung over hers Clint prattled on about possible hair brain schemes and did his best to distract the assassin.
“Now come on, I know of someone who evidently almost had a panic attack waiting to see you and I think being with him is right where you need to be.”
Clint pulled away from his friend and looked at her as her eyes clouded over. Cradling her face between his hands he brought them nose to nose so she could not look away.
“You deserve happiness and love. We are going to figure this out like we always do.” Smiling tiredly, he removed his hands from her face and backed away. “And you deserve to have some makeup sex even if it’s going to be god awful because Tony Stark is horrible in bed and has no idea what he’s doing.”
Chocking on a laugh Natasha shook her head at her friend and watched him disappear from view.
Walking into the penthouse was hard. A huge chunk of her wanted to turn tail and run but she knew if she did that, she would always regret it and while it might save her heart some pain, she needed to see him at least a little longer before fully letting go.
The first thing she noticed was the deafening silence that permeated the air; such a glaring contrast to the usual hurricane that surrounded Tony Stark. So different from the day before.
Creeping into the bedroom she noticed Tony in the middle of the bed still sedated but thrashing as if in a nightmare. Approaching the bed with caution Natasha nudged her socks off and climbed onto the bed. Carefully she made her way closer to Tony until she was flush against his side.
Softly stroking her fingers through his rumpled hair, she quietly hummed a lullaby that used to calm her.
Immediately he ceased his movement and scrunched his forehead as if in confusion before swiftly gripping Natasha and pulling her almost entirely under him.
“Tasha,” he groaned groggily as he walled her in with his arms and legs fully before burrowing his face in her hair and passing out.
Kissing his head Natasha felt a few tears trickle from her eyes before she succumbed to sleep.