Chapter Text
Jim was wrapped up in the warmest, tightest, most heartfelt embrace from Bones he’d ever received. In fact, Bones held him for so long Jim was beginning to wonder if Bones ever intended to let go.
“Bones,” he finally whispered, conscious of the Vulcan looming nearby. Spock had barely left his side since returning to the Enterprise. He had no issues with that. He’d hardly left Spock’s side either.
Bones pulled away, eyes wet, to look at Jim’s face. “You-you have no idea what it was like to go someplace where you weren’t.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. It was terrible, not seeing your ugly mug around.”
Jim laughed. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the other Spock glancing his way. “You love me.”
“Well, did it take you this long to figure that out?” Bones grouched at him.
“In a totally brotherly platonic way, of course,” Jim added with some amusement.
Bones rolled his eyes. “I’m not the Vulcan, kid.”
“For which we are both grateful, Doctor,” Spock said from behind him. Or rather, beside him, as he’d moved to Jim’s side, gently disengaging him from Bones. “Our counterparts await.”
Jim nodded. “Okay. Bones, you owe me a drink. A big one.”
“Right back at you, Jim.”
Spock took his arm, rather possessively Jim noted, and they walked over to where the other Kirk and Spock waited. Yeah, they definitely looked like them. Outwardly. But when you looked a little closer, when Jim did, the differences were pretty easy to spot. Besides the softer, happier Jim, there was much more evidence of feelings in the other Spock.
Jim wasn’t fooled by his. And yes, he had begun to think rather possessively himself. His Spock felt so intensely, so deeply it took his breath away. And the fact he kept such a tight rein on that and only showed it to those closest to him like Jim, like Uhura, like even Bones, was incredibly endearing, appealing, and hell, fuck it, sexy.
Spock was watching him just then, dark eyes fixed very deliberately on him. Jim smiled in return, his secret Spock smile, and turned to their counterparts.
“Well. This is rather sad to be saying goodbye.” He paused. “To ourselves.”
Kirk laughed. “Not sad at all. No offense, but we’re anxious to leave.”
Jim’s Bones snorted. “No offense but we’re anxious to see you go.”
“Bones.” Jim took hold of Kirk’s arm and pulled him away from the others. “So. It’s weird, you know. Looking at myself.”
“It is. Believe me, I understand.” Kirk smiled. “Thank you for taking care of him. He, uh, has his codependency issues.”
“It’s hard losing someone you loved that much.”
Kirk nodded. “You mean a lot to him. You really made an impact on him.”
Jim glanced over and saw the Spocks conversing. “He made one on me, too.”
“I’m sure Bones is right. You want us out of your hair. We’re ready to go any time you’re ready to see us off.”
Jim smiled. “I’d like to say goodbye to Spock…with your permission.”
Kirk patted his arm. “You have it.”
Jim nodded his thanks and went over to the two Spocks. With a flick of his head he indicated his Spock should step away. That earned him a raised brow but he complied and walked over to Jim’s counterpart.
“You’re, uh, happy?”
Spock inclined his head. “Very much so, Jim. I owe quite a lot to your Spock and Doctor McCoy. I can never repay their kindness in bringing my husband back for me. But he is jealous.”
“Spock? Yeah, I know.” Jim frowned. “Wait. Did he say something?”
“Only what I would say myself, ashayam.” He put his hand up to Jim’s face, his thumb rubbing along Jim’s jaw. “You saved me, James Tiberius Kirk. You will forever hold a place in my heart.”
Jim swallowed heavily. “And you taught me it’s okay to let myself love.”
“And now I had better drop my hand before he comes and tears my arm off,” Spock said with a slight lilt to his tone. “Be well, ashayam. And happy.”
Ignoring the approach of his Spock, Jim embraced the counterpart.
“Give yourself a break, okay? You were hurting.” He kissed Spock’s cheek just as his reached them. “You guys ready?”
“Hell yeah,” Kirk said with a hearty laugh.
“Let’s hit the transporter.”
****
Jim found Spock on the observation deck hours later, well after they’d sent their counterparts back to their own universe.
Spock stood looking out at the stars, hands clenched behind his back.
Jim touched his arm. “You okay?”
“I am…contemplating.”
“What?”
“So many things,” Spock admitted. “Our romantic relationship had not yet started but I was very much emotionally compromised when I arrived in a universe where you had died. Even the existence of my mother there could not soothe the pain. Had our coupling reached the state theirs had, would I have behaved any differently than he?”
Jim thought about it. Keeping his gaze on Spock rather than the stars he stared at. “Yeah you would.”
“How can you be sure?”
“You have this insane amount of integrity, Spock. It’s…admirable. I don’t believe you could ever act in a way that would hurt or harm another you or another me in any way. Plus, you have already been through unspeakable loss, sweetheart. Your mom, your planet, many millions of your people, my death once, the loss of our ship, breaking up with Uhura, who you adored. You know loss, Spock. And you’ve survived it because you know how to deal with it in healthy, productive ways.”
He looked at Jim then. “Even you cannot believe attempting to strangle you was a healthy productive way.”
“Okay, well, that’s an exception.” Jim smiled. “You know what I mean. That wouldn’t have been you, Spock. And I think you know it too.”
“Does that…”
“What?”
“Do you believe I love you less than him?”
“Sweetheart, it’s not a competition.”
Spock nodded. “I am aware. Please. I would like to know what you really think and feel.”
“No, I don’t,” Jim assured him. “I believe you are strong and capable and emotionally sound enough to handle just about anything. Even my death.”
“I am not so certain,” Spock admitted, closing his eyes. “I would rather not dwell on it.”
Jim leaned in and kissed Spock’s jaw. “Then we won’t.”
Spock opened his eyes and turned to Jim, suddenly seizing him in a very tight, bear-like hug. “I do not wish you to think I would not have done anything to have you back with me.”
Jim gasped a little at Spock’s strength. He patted Spock’s back. “Ease up a little, honey. Okay?” Spock did and Jim blew out a breath. “I don’t want you to do anything to have me with you. Sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the—”
“No.”
“Spock,” Jim whispered, hugging him back with all his might. “Never ever compromise your ethics and integrity for me. Don’t hurt another version of you to be with me. Any version, okay? It’s not worth it. And there’s only one you and one me anyway. Isn’t there?”
“Yes, t’hy’la, yes.”
Jim leaned back and gazed into Spock’s eyes. “Whatever time we have together is ours and no one else’s and it can’t be taken from us or replaced by anything or anyone else. Ever.”
Spock stared back at him.
“Do you believe that?”
“Yes,” Spock said softly. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”
Jim smiled. And maybe there were tears in his eyes. Who cared? “Come with me. To my quarters. Our quarters soon. Our marriage has been approved.”
“That was quick,” Spock said, falling in step with him.
“I pulled a few strings.” Jim stopped, turned and kissed him. “Come on. Let’s go home.”