Chapter Text
The first time Pond and Phuwin get busted in front of all of their friends, Pond learns that his friends were already placing a bet on it.
So really, Pond shouldn’t be too hard on himself for being the one who kisses Phuwin in front of their friends.
Because if they were to run all of the different scenarios in their head of how their friends would find out, Pond would have never guessed that it turns out to be the fact that he finally lets his petty jealousy run its course before it comes back to bite him in the ass.
For the past couple months since he started hooking up with Phuwin, Phuwin has been under this impression that Pond has been nothing but coolly calm and suave about the ordeal. And although it has been so far from the actual truth, Pond likes for Phuwin to think so. He’d like to stay under the illusion that he’s nonchalant, entirely unruffled by anything even if he is nothing but completely and utterly too bashfully affected and an absolute mess when it comes to anything Phuwin related.
It all happens like this…
Everyone was over at Perth’s place for lunch. With the way their schedules have been so hectic, Pond really has no business showing up for a quick gathering when he has a public event to attend to just hours later. But he does; although, he mainly shows up because Phuwin shows up. But that’s neither here nor there.
“You actually thought I was going to make food for you fools by myself?” Perth had said when Fourth had complained that he’s been cutting too many onions.
Pond’s duty has been chopping the cucumber as per Perth’s request but it feels a little burdensome with Perth drilling a hole into his head like every slice of cucumber is not perfectly proportional to one another.
Pond tries to ignore it by directing his attention to Joong and Dunk next to him, skinning potatoes. Together. Like the losers pathetically in love that they are.
Pond honestly isn’t even sure if he’s amused by the domesticity of it or annoyed, bordering nauseous, that they’re flaunting their love in his face while he doesn’t have someone to hold his cucumber while he chops it. Either or. It really depends on his mood of the day. But Pond thinks he’s mainly just so used to it that it doesn't even faze him anymore.
Tentatively, Pond lets his mind wander for a moment, wondering if he’d ever be able to have something like this as he steals a couple of glances at someone in particular. On the other side of the kitchen island, Phuwin is there tossing the salad. He’s so focused, tongue sticking out and his fringe pulled back from a red headband he’d stolen from Pond’s gym bag earlier that week.
Phuwin is wearing one of his stussy t-shirts, the one where Pond had left at his place so many weeks ago. He would have forgotten about it if Phuwin isn’t constantly wearing it so often these days. He’s been wearing it so much, it probably doesn’t even smell like Pond anyone, it probably smells like Phuwin now, replaced by the scent of Phuwin’s bedroom candle, floral and citrus. Fitting for someone like Phuwin. A collection of scents just as pretty as he is. Though Pond thinks Phuwin beats it by a landslide. Hard for anything to be prettier than Phuwin.
“You tied your hair up today.” Phuwin hums, resting his chin in his palm when they settle down at the table.
“Oh. Yeah,” Pond clears his throats, reaching up to fiddle with the hair that he was able to gather into a small ponytail; his bangs are getting so long now, Pond should put it as the first thing on his to-do list to get a haircut soon. “Does it look weird? It looks weird today right?”
“No,” Phuwin reassures, his eyes disappearing into a crescent, “you look great. Stop worrying about what other people think.”
What Phuwin doesn’t know is that Pond really only cares about what one person thinks. “Pond, we gotta go.” Joong calls out for him as the heat rushes to Pond’s face, it gives Pond a good excuse to turn around to hide it. “You wanna go together?”
“Um.” He coughs, forgetting that he and Joong do happen to have schedules at the same location. “Yeah, let’s go.”
Pond turns back to Phuwin, drumming his fingers on the table. “Do you want to get dinner or something later?” He asks hesitantly, knowing that he could technically text Phuwin later but it’s just that Phuwin has been spending so much time with Fourth and Satang these days. Pond is lucky to even squeeze in a visit. He just feels like he gotta actually plan things ahead of time with Phuwin lately.
“Phuwin, come here and watch this video of this corgi riding a skateboard.”
Phuwin’s attention is immediately caught by the sound of Fourth’s voice and there is a twitch that shoots down Pond’s spine, not to mention he hates how quickly his heart drops. Then Phuwin turns back, his brown eyes focused and paired with Pond’s favorite smile of his, although to be fair, every one of Phuwin’s smiles are equally his favorite.
It’s absolutely ridiculous how something so miniscule has the power to light his whole world back up. So fucking dramatic.
“Sure, babe,” Phuwin whispers, lips still pulled up.
“Cool,” Pond grins.
And for what happens next, Pond could blame it entirely on habit. It’s much better than equating it to whatever the hell it is that’s been growing deep from his chest whenever Phuwin chooses someone else over him, something he can’t or doesn’t want to admit, when he cups Phuwin’s face and leans in to kiss him goodbye.
And no; Pond isn’t the jealous type but everyone goes a little off type sometimes, he supposes.
There’s barely enough time for Phuwin’s plush lips to press against his own, for his lips to curl into a smile before pressing firmer like it usually does, because this isn’t like any other situation at all. A small noise comes from the back of Phuwin’s throat and his eyes widen just in the moment that Pond pulls away, his own eyes rivaling golf balls as he takes in the fact that he had just kissed Phuwin.
In front of everyone.
It takes about 10 full seconds before Pond’s vision comes back into focus, the world stabilizing as his heart pounds like a drum in his ears. Phuwin’s face is painted with shock, his pink lips slightly parted and eyes wide open, gaze moving from Pond’s eyes, then down to his lips. It’s like he’s waiting for Pond to say something but he can’t, because his body is full of anxiety and his heart is running a mile a minute.
Nobody else in the room has made a sound yet and Pond is too scared to move, hoping that maybe he’d be able to anchor this moment in place so that the rest of his world isn’t imploding. The significance of what just occurred is starting to sink in and Pond isn’t sure what the fuck he’s going to do.
“Well,” Santa is first to break the silence, and Pond turns his head ever so slowly to see Santa biting down on the pickle he’s been holding onto all afternoon. “This is clearly not as important and not that I didn’t enjoy your little show but I just needed to announce that Joong owes me 1000 baht.”
Pond’s mouth is open, but no words come out.
Joong grumbles, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet, “how the fuck did I manage to lose this bet when I was the one who started it?”
“What bet?” Perth asks from the sink.
Santa cackles, taking another bite of the pickle, “Joong bet that they’d bust themselves doing something explicit but I bet that it would be anything non explicit.”
“In my defense, non explicit had way more possibilities.”
“Yeah, not for me,” Fourth makes an indignant noise, “if anything, I think I deserve the 1000 baht as reparation for accidentally catching them doing both the explicit and non-explicit bullshit.”
The room is filling with all sorts of words now and Pond can’t really comprehend any of them individually, the phrase ‘what the fuck’ playing over and over again in his brain as he sort of grasp the concept that Santa and Joong already kind of knew, which means that Dunk and Gemini probably knew too because these guys can’t keep anything from each other. And the worst one is Fourth, because he can’t keep his mouth to himself, if Fourth knows something, everyone knows it too.
Pond thinks his world is spinning, a little bit like he’s running out of breath, like he’s about to pass the fuck out, because what the fuck did Fourth mean when he said he caught them doing something explicit? How explicit are they talking? Was it that one time he pulled Phuwin into the restroom at the company gathering? Was Fourth hiding in one of the restroom stalls? He should have listened to Phuwin whenever he warned him that they needed to be more careful.
When Perth found out about them, Pond was confident that he still got things under control. He was trying hard to convince Phuwin that they would be just fine. It’s just one person knowing about them. How bad could it get? But Phuwin was right, he should have freaked out more when they got caught by Perth; because, of course, it would reach Santa eventually.
Everything is in shambles now because Pond and Phuwin are both very aware being a secret was the only thing that kept this thing between them afloat for the last couple of months, but now Joong, Santa, and Fourth know and everyone else probably knows and Pond is internally considering digging a hole and lying down six feet under.
“Wasn’t I the one that bet kissing in particular, which we all agreed didn’t count as either explicit or non-explicit because it could fall in either category depending on use of tongue?” Dunk chimes in from his spot by the fridge. See, of fucking course, Dunk knows.
“Excuse me?” Perth bellows out Pond’s exact thoughts, pointing a wooden ladle at Dunk. “You knew– I’ve been keeping this a secret from all of you while all this time I could’ve been on the bigger bet?”
So Perth did keep his mouth shut for once? Huh. On the off-chance of all things, a once in the blue moon occurrence.
“Oh yeah,” Joong clears his throat, “Dunk made us keep it a secret from you.”
“Why?”
“Because for one, you can’t keep shit to yourself. You might blow up the whole bet. And for two, you were keeping it a secret from us.”
“This is so upsetting. I still can’t believe I missed out of the bet after keeping this to myself for so long.” Perth murmurs under his breath.
Pond is baffled. Completely dumbfounded. If anyone should find this upsetting, it should be him.
For whatever reason, Pond does notice that Phuwin doesn’t seem too surprised that there is one particular person who have known all along and of course this isn’t the time for Pond to get irked that Phuwin obviously wouldn’t be able to keep anything from his best friend since high school, as he is now taking into account that Fourth might have found out on his own first before Phuwin had no choice but to tell him.
Well, it’s most likely after he caught them doing the ‘explicit and non-explicit’ things, that is. Pond figures Phuwin has never been very good at lying through his teeth if Fourth were to corner him with questions. The inkling of annoyance is only present because Pond just thinks a heads up would have been nice.
“Really, this was all exhausting,” Joong groans. “All the secret keeping. Our secret. Your secret. Their secret. Shit man, I was tired.”
“But I’m glad it’s all out in the open now so I can make fun of these idiots to their faces instead of behind their backs.” Santa snorts.
Pond contemplates ending himself by holding his own breath.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Pond finally manages to blurt out. Uselessly. But it’s worth a shot.
Dunk raises his eyebrow, as he has been quietly enjoying the whole show, “oh really?”
Pond pauses, “okay so maybe it is what it looks like,” Pond concedes, and it feels like he’s got a wire around his throat, pulling tighter with every word. “But it’s not what you think. We’re not dating.”
Pond knows his words don’t hold much truth to them but it was the same thing that Phuwin had kept insisting when Perth caught them. And Pond just doesn’t know what he could possibly do to somehow make the situation better.
He thinks blatantly denying it doesn’t help much though.
“How are you not dating?” Joong asks a bit too loud.
Perth snickers from the other side of the kitchen, “Phuwin was on the same bullshit when I caught them.”
Pond literally can’t breathe. This is too much. Way too fucking much, and everything he wanted to avoid. He knows that this is nobody’s fucking business except his and Phuwin’s but Pond is realizing that he has no idea how to handle the fact that everyone knows about them now, that someone will look at them when they hang out and just—they will know.
Phuwin still hasn’t said a word, and Pond wonders if perhaps Phuwin had already thought this whole thing through. Phuwin has always been the one who is meticulous and sharp-sighted among them two. Maybe, he had already seen the vision of how this will all end.
Part of him just wants to open his mouth and suggest that Phuwin would end it first, right here and now. Rip the bandage off once and for all. And if Phuwin were to do so, Pond probably won’t object to it. Not because he wants things to go in that direction. Quite the opposite. Pond thinks there are a million and one things that he wants to do with Phuwin. Some romantic, sappy, poetic things like moonlit walk on the beach and hand holding under the starlight. Or slow kisses for the sake of kissing. Just a few things off the list. And calling it off with Phuwin has never been a part of the plan. But he doesn’t really know how to ask for things. Isn’t used to being selfish. So whatever Phuwin calls for, he’ll probably play the role.
“You know what?” Pond says shakily, his eyes darting to every corner of the room. “I uh — I need to run. Um. I mean—I have to go. Away. To the outside. My scheduled event. Yeah. That.” He says as he clutches tight on his bag and throws it over his shoulder, trying to avoid all of their gazes as they start speaking to him simultaneously.
“I thought I’m driving you,” Pond hears Joong from behind as he dashes out the door but he’s too preoccupied with self-loathing to respond. Why is he so stupid. Why the fuck did he have to kiss Phuwin in front of everyone? Why did he have to do that? Because he wanted to? Because he wanted Phuwin’s attention back from Fourth?
And why did Phuwin even let him? Standing there looking all damn kissable, with his pretty face and his big pretty doe eyes and his ridiculously pink lips. It is no fault of his own that Phuwin is so perfect and so pretty.
Pond should have known from the start, the moment they started this sleeping together thing, that they’ll have to end it eventually. And maybe, in the grand scheme of things, this is for the better of all things considered. It’s better to cut off the string now before the rope squeezes all of the air out of their lungs once and for all. It’s just the most logical solution and Phuwin likes logic so it should be at the top of the ‘next steps’ list, and —
Pond’s thoughts are interrupted by a hand wrapping around his wrist, and he whips back, unaware that he was followed out. If it were anyone else, Pond thinks he might have taken off running but Phuwin’s hand is warm on his and out of pure instinct, Pond craves to step forward, as if his skin aches to feel Phuwin’s very own. Like it always does. Phuwin is eyeing him carefully, clearly trying to gauge his reaction, but Pond is not sure he’s able to convey much of anything other than embarrassment and regret.
“So I guess this is it,” Pond decides suddenly and Phuwin furrows his eyebrows in confusion.
“What?”
“This–” Pond shrugs helplessly, “you want to end this, right?”
Phuwin is looking at him, the corner of his lip curling downward, practically pouting, “when did I say that?”
Pond runs a frustrated hand through his hair, pulling out the elastic band that has been holding his hair up, “I don’t know. But it’s my fault, I don’t even know why I did that. I know you’re probably so pissed at me because this—everything’s different now. Fuck,” he rambles, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Maybe we should— maybe you’d want us to stop–”
Before Pond can even finish the thought, he feels warm hands on the side of his face and Phuwin’s lips are on his again. Kissing him to placate him. And it works. It always does. Phuwin’s taste is sweet—he’s sweet, and it’s infuriating, and the kiss is soft and nothing but a small peck but it does get Pond to stop thinking. He stops thinking when Phuwin pulls back just an inch away and says, “ I don’t want to stop.”
Pond simply brings their lips back together, until Phuwin can taste the words off of his lips too. “I don’t want to stop either.”
It’s a dry thing. The kiss. It’s a tiny thing. Like the word. Kiss. Something that could fit between them. Something Pond could keep inside himself. Something he could press inside of Phuwin and hold it there, soft and warm for safe keeping.
“I have never heard you ramble this much,” Phuwin lets out a breathy laugh, letting it vibrate against Pond’s lips. “From the way you had reacted to Perth finding out, I always thought you’d remain the calm one.”
Yeah, because Pond was stupid then. He didn't take it seriously enough. Because a part of Pond had thought it was kind of funny that they were caught by Perth, of all people. The irony of it all. The way life works Like the universe always somehow has the last laugh.
The person who found out about them first is the same person who had caught Pond staring at Phuwin on multiple occasions. The one person who could probably smell bullshit from the beginning when Pond had insisted that he never once thought about kissing Phuwin in a non-platonic way.
Perth had frowned in disappointment then, “whatever the fuck that means. Because I too have thought about kissing my bro-dude ‘platonically’.”
And sure, in the grand scheme of things, it’s typical of Pond to be the one to overthink and dissect every part of their relationship. But he had figured that if, for once, he doesn’t think too much into the way Phuwin always lingers a little longer after he kisses him or how he always stays the morning after, staying for breakfast, staying until the night rolls over again. If he doesn’t think too much into it, he won’t mess it up.
He supposes he is a fool who eventually messes it up at the end after all. Like it had been inevitable from the start.
“Nothing is going to change. And I’m not mad.” Phuwin insists, when they finally break apart, slowly, as if they’d break if they pull apart any quicker. Phuwin’s thumb strokes Pond’s jaw, and his eyes seem to trace every inch of Pond’s face as he does so. Pond feels himself blush stupidly, the way his face heats up, his ears burning up a flame like they’re about to pop off of his head. His heart kicks dumbly in his chest, in his gut. And if Phuwin notices, he doesn’t mention it.
“You don’t care that I kissed you in front of the guys?” Pond asks quietly.
Phuwin takes a moment, like he’s searching Pond’s expression for something, hoping to find something and then his shoulders slump just slightly as he shrugs, unable to meet his eyes anymore as his gaze wanders off to the side. “If you didn’t kiss me, I would fuck it at one point and kiss you first regardless. I don’t know if you have noticed it yet, but I quite like kissing you.”
The foggy feeling sticks to the corners of Pond’s mind, to his mouth. He kisses Phuwin’s temple, maybe too sweet and familiar for them, where they are, where they aren’t.
Maybe.
“Yeah?” was the only thing Pond was able to breathe out between their shared breaths. Because he simply doesn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah.” Phuwin says as he lets his fingers cup Pond’s nape and nuzzles at the side of Pond’s face, this buzzy slow thing that fills Pond’s already electric gut with warmth, sparks. Another little sigh. Phuwin skims his nose down Pond’s cheekbone, his nose, making his way back to Pond’s mouth where he drops another kiss, close mouthed and soft and so so slow.
Pond sighs, pushes all the air out of his lungs. He’s got both his arms around Phuwin now and he lets Phuwin do as he pleases, touch him how he wants. He squeezes his sides, a careful tight thing, hugs him so he can feel the way Phuwin holds all the air inside his own chest, the way he shivers in the heat.
Phuwin laughs, breathy and sweet. He traces his fingers up Pond’s arm when they pull apart; his touch so effortlessly sends tingles up his spines, “you always seem to have the worst timing, you know that?” Phuwin says.
And suddenly, Pond is hyper aware that they’re out in the hallway, with all of their closest friends just a few feet away. Jesus, what the hell is going to happen now? There’s a small sense of anxiety deep in his gut, enhanced only because Phuwin reacts so differently this time around; like he doesn’t seem to have a slightest worry at all—ominous, to say the least.
Of course it’s the wrong time, the wrong moment, of course it is.
He steps back. Titles squished up and pulverized beneath his sneakers. “I know. I. Shit. Fuck, I-”
“Pond,” Phuwin says. There’s a war on his face, half between that too big smile and rapidly growing concern. “Pond. I just meant, you have an event to attend to but all I want to do right now is kiss you.”
“Oh.”
Oh.
It ramps up inside of Pond. Everything he’s feeling, been feeling, obliterated by the simplicity of it. The honesty of it. Of wanting to kiss. Of wanting to be kissed. And it’s really so simple, so easy, Pond knows this, he does, but-
There are hands on Pond’s arms. No strength behind the grip. A gentle pressure. Warmth.
Phuwin holds him steady. Asks, “Stop freaking out. That’s supposed to be me, remember?”
The earth spun sputtering of his brain. The jackhammer of his heart. The emptiness he feels in his hands now. “Yeah. Sure. Definitely—I’m so calmly chill about all of this.”
Pond doesn’t miss the way Phuwin rolls his eyes, holding back a smile. Phuwin’s mouth pursed and eyes soft, and it makes Pond wants to fucking coos about it or something else equally disgustingly enamoured.
It’s quiet. They are. Just them. Around, music playing from someone’s unit, a few someone’s, the rumble of nearby cars, smacking bursts of sound of the lives in the city outside the building. Yet Pond couldn’t hear it, blocked off somehow, too in the fog inside his head, around Phuwin. “How did you think they all found out?”
“Beats me. But did you really think I’d be the one to blow it first?” Phuwin asks and Pond just blinks back.
“You technically did,” Pond argues. “You told Fourth.”
“I didn’t tell Fourth, he just—” Phuwin pauses, pointing a finger. “You can’t even say shit when you were the one who kissed me.”
Pond flushes. “Find. You win. No need to gloat.”
“You put me in this position of power, it’s impossible to not gloat,” Phuwin reminds him with a grin, his nose scrunching up adorably.
Pond rolls his eyes, but his entire body fills with warmth. He realizes they’re saying goodbye and he’s almost about to lean in again before he pulls back, hesitation creeping up on him again.
But Phuwin doesn’t give him the chance to stand and contemplate any further because he steps in and clears Pond’s mind completely. Their lips part with a soft sound. “Bye, Pond.” He chuckles.
Pond clears his throat, choking on a cough, still blushing furiously. “B–Bye.” He sputters before he turns around and walks ahead.
He doesn’t have to look back to see the huge grin plastering on Phuwin’s face. Under the cheap fluorescent light of the rundown building complex, the pretty little bright thing that he is.