Chapter Text
‘I hate this,’ Louis said into his phone with a pout. It was two minutes until midnight, New Year’s Eve, and his boyfriend was around 180 miles away, instead of there with him, impatiently waiting for that New Year’s kiss. ‘I wish you were here.’
‘Awh,’ Harry cooed teasingly on the other side of the call, trying to hide the fact that he felt exactly the same behind a chuckle, ‘when did you become such a softie?’
‘Shut up, Curly,’ Louis grumbled.
‘That’s more like it,’ Harry replied jokingly, ‘now stop being a sappy mess and go back to work. Joan asked you to come in for a reason, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t so that you can hide in the toilets chatting to me.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Louis groaned unenthusiastically. Sure, he loved Joan and all, but it wasn’t the first time that he was dragged away from his boy because of her. Well, it wasn’t just her, he supposed, because Harry’s family wanted him to go back to Holmes Chapel for New Year’s Eve too. But still.
So, they ended up about 180 miles away from each other.
Just at that moment someone stumbled into the mens’ toilets, making a right racket and almost tripping over their own feet.
Louis’ head snapped towards the guy.
‘Joan says if ya don’t come back to the bar and pour some drinks, she will make you scrub these toilets spotless, since you apparently love to spend time in them so much,’ Niall reported with a very serious expression, that was probably supposed to be authoritative, but fell slightly short since he was currently propping himself up against one of the sinks, desperately trying to keep his body vertical.
Niall had come back to London early too, probably hopped on the first plane back to England after Boxing Day, actually. He said something about how his family gets along best from far away, something about too many different personalities all stuck in one small house being a bit much. Verging on disaster, he claimed. Chaos.
Since almost no one apart from them was back from the winter holidays yet, Louis was sort of stuck with the Irish lad.
He groaned once more at the thought of working, surrounded by people that weren’t his boyfriend.
‘I gotta go,’ he said into the phone.
‘Okay, hun,’ Harry replied, keeping his voice chirpy, ‘don’t worry, we’ll have a whole year to catch up on the kissing.’
‘Yeah,’ Louis sighed, trying to sound at least a bit less miserable, ‘bye then.’
He hung up after a soft, ‘bye, have fun,’ from Harry.
Louis looked down at his phone, the phone that Harry had given him just a couple months back. The screen was cracked pretty badly — broken, just like him.
God, he was being melodramatic all of a sudden.
‘Mate,’ Niall said, pulling him back from his thoughts. Louis almost forgot that he was there, ‘stop being such a downer. If you’re so desperate for a New Year’s kiss, I can snog ya. Take one for the team and all. Cheer you up.’
‘No, Niall, ew,’ Louis said, shaking his head with a snort.
Five, four, three— the voices from outside the toilets chanted
‘Come here, my grumpiest, yet most talented friend,’
—two, ONEEEEE
Despite Louis’ protests, Niall threw his arms around his shoulders, making him stumble back as he struggled to keep them both up.
The thing was, due to his drunken state, Niall ended up missing Louis’ lips miserably and, instead of giving Louis that passionate New Year’s kiss, ended up crashing into his face, open-mouthed and saliva-heavy, hitting his nose hard with his teeth to top it off.
‘Ow,’ Louis said, hand immediately reaching to his face, eyes already watering slightly. The impact knocked him a couple of steps back, his nose starting to throb painfully, ‘what the fuck Niall?’
Niall just stared at him, eyes wide, horrified. He seemed to sober up in less than a second, squirming under Louis’ shocked, frowning glare.
‘Fuck, shit, I’m so sorry,’ he said, going more and more red in the face with every passing second, ‘sorry, can I do anything? Sorry. Shit.’
After a long, excruciatingly awkward moment, Louis lifted up his palm in a stopping motion.
‘It’s fine,’ he sighed heavily, still holding onto his nose. Then he turned his eyes back to his friend, expression serious and authoritative, ’we will never talk of this, you understand?’
He lifted his eyebrows expectantly, making sure that he was understood.
‘Yeah, yeah, that’s probably for the best,’ Niall said, nodding energetically.
‘Good,’ Louis nodded in return, then pulled his hand away from his nose, checking his fingers for any signs of blood. They were clear though, so at least there was that. Then he cleared his throat, looking back to Niall, ‘how about we go and get you some water, yeah? Like, at least a pint of water.’
Niall, nodding even more vigorously now, said, ‘yeah, yeah. Good idea.’
He turned around towards the door clumsily, so Louis quickly came up to him, steadying him and letting him wrap his arm over his shoulder. He held him up, taking slow steps to get back out to the main bar area.
‘I swear, I’m not this slobbery when sober,’ Niall said, turning to Louis almost desperately.
‘Okay, I believe you,’ Louis laughed, subconsciously wiping at his nose with his free hand. Then, jokingly added, ‘you know what, I’m pretty surprised, actually. Didn’t know you swung that way,’
‘No one’s a hundred percent anything,’ Niall mumbled with a little shrug, still ridiculously red. ‘but we’re never talking about this to anyone though, right?’
‘Oh, yeah, definitely not,’ Louis laughed again.
Louis thought about Niall’s words. No one is one hundred percent anything. Thing is, he didn't think that was true of him. He was a hundred percent something. He was one hundred percent in love with Harry. And wow, wasn’t that an intense realisation. But a good one, also.
What a start to the new year.
***
Everyone slowly made their way back to London over the following week. The new term started on the 11th. And, as much as the scattered arrivals of his, still quite new, friends made Louis happy, nothing would match up to the moment when he saw Harry in the doorway of the Rose&Dagger on that Friday night. He almost dropped the drink he was pouring, when he recognised the head of curls grinning at him from the other side of the pub.
He looked at him incredulously, as Harry made his way to the bar with a pleased smirk on his face. He was definitely gaping at his boyfriend’s unexpected presence.
‘Hey there, stranger,’ Harry said with a grin, leaning forward over the bar.
‘What— what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t getting back until Sunday?’
‘Well, I couldn’t wait,’ Harry said, licking his lips slowly and, wow, that made Louis feel all sorts of things. Seeming really pleased with himself, he added, ’decided to surprise you.’
Somewhat dramatically, Louis managed to lift himself up onto the bar and hop off on the other side of it, right next to Harry. Without a moment’s pause, he threw his arms around Harry’s shoulders pulling him into a strong embrace, before moving back a bit and connecting their lips in an almost desperate kiss.
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ Harry said, breaking apart for just a moment.
‘Yeah,’ was all Louis managed to sigh out. His boy was home.
***
By Saturday, all their friends had made their way back to London, desperate for a night out that didn’t involve their families.
So they went out, naturally. Pre-drinks at the Tomlinson&Tomlinson&Styles flat, of course, before heading out on a pub crawl that ended with cheers of
‘I love the fucking night tube!’
‘I love tequila!’
‘I love Ireland!’
from Liam, Sophia and Niall respectively.
***
In the morning, Louis entered the living room sluggishly, rubbing at his eyes, which were still blurry from sleep. He let out a massive yawn, blinking at the view in front of him. Harry was currently dancing around to ‘You Start Me Up’ blaring from his laptop, wearing nothing but the Rolling Stones t-shirt that Louis had given him and a pair of very tight, black boxer-briefs.
He was clearly in the middle of cleaning up after the night before, busy wiping away the sticky stains left behind on the coffee table by spilled drinks. He was doing so while shaking his lush, firm bottom to the beat of the music.
Louis, very much appreciating the view, finally cleared his throat to make his presence known.
Harry spun around with slight surprise on his face, which instantly turned into a massive grin once he saw it was Louis standing there in the doorway.
Instead of a ‘hello’, Harry dropped the cloth that he was using to clean the coffee table and started half-walking, half-dancing towards Louis, swaying his hips ridiculously. He sang along to the song dramatically, grabbing his boyfriend’s hands, and pulling him closer in, clearly wanting him to join in.
Louis groaned, shaking his head. He was way too tired and hungover for this. But Harry was’t letting go and continued grinning and singing along to the words.
you really start me up
Louis raised his eyebrows, asking cynically, ‘Really?’
‘Come on,’ Harry laughed at Louis’ unenthusiastic expression.
Even though Louis made a show of refusing to join in, they both knew that Harry had already won. His wide, playful smile was completely contagious.
Louis sighed in defeat, before starting to sway his hips to the music clumsily too. He wasn’t a dancer. At all.
Ignoring his tortured expression, Harry just pulled Louis closer in. His hands started travelling all around Louis hips, back, bum — all while moving to the rhythm of the song. It was more fun and silly than hot, and Louis couldn’t help to start chuckling, shaking his head fondly.
When the song finished, a silence filled the room for a few seconds making Louis feel as if they were both suspended in time. The only thing he could see was Harry’s breathless grin and his wide, wide pupils. He closed his eyes and leaned in, kissing Harry softly, a grin getting in the way of it going any further.
The music started again with a jolt. Crazy in Love started playing, just as Louis had pulled back.
‘Morning,’ Harry said in a whisper, laying another quick kiss on Louis’ lips.
‘Jesus, how are you this chirpy so early in the morning?’
‘First of all, it’s noon,’ Harry said, then shrugged, turning around to pick up the cloth and continue cleaning up the room, ‘and I’m just happy about getting to see everyone again. Getting to see you.’
‘Awh,’ Louis said with a slightly mocking laugh, ‘you’re such a cutie.’
Harry just rolled his eyes, ‘shut up. I wasn’t the one calling in the middle of the night, whining about how much I missed you.’
‘Well, I did, so what was I supposed to do?’
‘Admit that you’re a massive sap.’
Louis crossed his arms over his chest and, with a childish, defeated frown, dropped himself onto the sofa, ‘ugh, guess I am.’
‘Come here,’ Harry said, extending his hands towards him, until Louis reluctantly held on with his own. Then, Harry pulled both of them down on the sofa, Louis landing on top of him with a surprised ‘umpf.’
Before he could say anything, Harry’s lips were already connected to his, and all the words seemed to just drift away into some irrelevant, distant planet and he wasn’t at all bothered with finding them. All he was interested in were Harry’s lips, and they sure were fantastic. He could never get bored of that. Shit, he could never even get used to that. Kissing Harry had this almost hypnotising effect on him and he could just get completely lost in it.
After a while, they had separated, smiling goofily at each other.
‘What now?’ Louis asked quietly, almost a whisper. He was still pressed on top of Harry, their hands connected.
‘Hm,’ Harry said, making a show of pondering about it, before turning to Louis, ‘lazy day in front of the telly?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
They rearranged their position, sitting down on the couch lazily, Louis pressed into Harry’s side. It reminded him of how Harry once called him cuddLouis and he rolled his eyes at the memory with a chuckle. How someone so precious and silly fell in love with a broken mess like him, he still couldn’t comprehend sometimes. But he was glad that he did. So very, very glad and thankful.
Their hands were still intertwined, so Louis lifted them from his lap and laid a soft kiss onto Harry’s knuckles. It made Harry turn away from the tv and smile at him fondly.
‘Love you,’ Louis whispered, as if it were a secret.
‘Ditto,’ Harry replied with a chuckle, and Louis was so charmed that he didn’t even think to make fun of him for saying ‘ditto’, because who even says ditto?
***
A couple hours had passed before either of them spoke again, and it was Harry.
‘What are you thinking about?’ he asked Louis softly.
Louis had been frowning slightly, contemplatively, for some time, without even realising.
‘I think I’m gonna ask Joan if I can go full-time,’ he said, turning to Harry from his musing, ’about time I started pitching in, right?’
Harry nodded thoughtfully.
‘You sure?’
‘Well, I’m not really a guest anymore, right?’ he added, nudging Harry’s shoulder with his own, ‘this is my home now.’
Harry smiled, brightening up.
‘Guess it is,’ he said, chuckling sweetly, ‘and, not gonna lie, your presence here did put quite a big dent in our finances, so it will definitely help.’
‘Good,’ Louis gave one decisive nod, squeezing Harry’s hand tighter in his own, ‘I’ll talk to her tomorrow. She’s been involving me more in the management aspect of things, I’ve noticed — like organising what bands would play and stuff. Contacting them. So, I think she already wants me to take more of an active role around the place, even though she hadn’t said anything about it yet. Did I tell you that we’re gonna add another live band night again?’
‘No, you didn’t,’ Harry smiled, listening to his boyfriend attentively. Even though he was talking about work and arguably mundane things, it was all interesting because Harry truly cared — he wanted to know what was going on in Louis’ life. He hung onto every little word that Louis was saying, looking up at him with interest, encouraging him to continue. This was his boyfriend talking, telling him about his life, and it was great.
‘Yeah, great as quiz night is, we both decided the place needed to get back to what made it special, you know?’
‘That sounds great Lou,’ Harry replied, bringing their intertwined hands to his lips to lay a small kiss on his knuckles, ‘I’m really proud of you, you know?’
Louis scoffed lightly, ‘please, I’m getting a full-time job at a bar, that’s hardly that impressive.’
‘You don’t give yourself enough credit,’ Harry said, shaking his head fondly, ‘you’ve made so much progress, even though it was hard. Now you’ve got a job, friends that care for you and you care for, you made up with your family, you’re writing music again — none of that was easy. And yet, here you are. You’re great, you know? Have I told you today yet?’
‘No, you haven’t,’ Louis said with a small laugh. He fell silent for a while, staring down at his hand, wrapped up in Harry’s, before finally turning back to look into his eyes, ‘thank you— for everything. I’m so lucky to have you.’
‘Ditto,’ Harry said, and, this time, Louis couldn’t help teasing him about it.
***
The next day at work, before the Rose&Dagger opened for business, Louis decided that it was a good moment to bring up the promotion subject. He felt surprisingly nervous, but he figured it was probably because he hated asking people for things. There was that part of him that still thought that he didn’t deserve anything from them and was a burden to everyone, constantly getting in the way. But he tried to shake the thought, walking up to the bar where Joan was leaning over her laptop, a slight crease between her eyebrows, clearly concentrating hard on what was on the screen.
‘Um, Joan, do you have a sec?’ Louis asked a bit awkwardly.
‘Sure, hun,’ she nodded, glancing up from her laptop for just a moment, before looking back down at the screen, ‘I actually wanted to talk to you about something.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Louis said. Maybe she was going to bring the whole thing up herself, which would spare him the grovelling.
‘Yeah,’ she nodded, making eye-contact again, ‘see, I’ve been wanting to get some more time to myself for a while now. Delegate and all,’ she said and Louis couldn’t help but stand up straighter with an delighted smile. Then, she continued, ‘so I’ve decided to make Josh a sort of assistant manager, you know? So, he’ll be in charge of the boring day-to-day stuff, shifts and that, and I’ll focus on the bands, since we’re adding another bands night. I’ll still be the big boss though, don’t worry. I’m not letting you kids ruin my bar.’
Wait, what? Louis frowned, because what? This was not what he was expecting. This was not what he was expecting at all.
‘You’re making Josh assistant manager? You’re promoting him?’
‘Yep,’ she said with a nonchalant nod, apparently completely ignorant of Louis’ slightly jittery movements, ‘as I said, I just want to take some weight off myself. Have a personal life for a change.’
Louis nodded, biting down on his lip for a moment, frustrated. He wanted to be chilled out about the whole thing, but it was proving difficult.
‘I thought you were gonna give me that job,’ he just blurted out, slightly harsher than he intended to, ‘I need that promotion and more hours. There’s no way I could support myself long-term on just a part-time job. I don’t— I don’t get it.’
Joan looked slightly surprised by Louis’ clearly upset reaction, but her expression quickly changed and she sighed amusedly.
‘I’ve got a different job for you hun,’ she said with a pleased, slightly teasing smile, as if Louis was missing something obvious, ‘come over here.’
She gestured for him to join her behind the bar, turning her laptop screen in his direction. It was open on the bar’s calendar. He didn’t know what she wanted to show him that he hasn’t already seen. He had pretty much memorised the whole thing, having helped to organise performances for almost half of the bands on there.
Seeing his confusion, she pointed to the cell of the last Friday of January. A pop-punk band from Bristol was supposed to be playing, he was sure of it, and yet that’s not what the description said.
Headliner: Louis Tomlinson @ 9 p.m.
‘Wha—? I don’t understand,’ he said, turning to her with a frown.
Joan chuckled in response.
‘It’s not that difficult to understand, Louis,’ she said, ‘a spot on the calendar opened up and you’re gonna take it.’
‘But I— I can’t,’ he stuttered, ‘I don’t— I’m not ready. I don’t even have a band! This is ridiculous.’
‘You are ready. I’ve heard you practise and I know you. You’ve never played better than you are now. Your songs are strong and I just— I’m so proud of you, baby,’ she said with a warm, reassuring smile, laying one of her hands on Louis’ shoulder.
He stared at her as if she was talking in a different language. Not even a human language, though. Something from a completely different galaxy.
‘I can’t just— I can’t just play,’ he said, his heartbeat picking up anxiously just at the thought of it. He stared at her, slightly lost, ‘this is in three weeks— I can’t.’
‘You can,’ she insisted, squeezing his shoulder tighter, ‘and you will, because I just printed out the posters for that event, so it’s set in ink.’
‘But—‘ he mumbled.
She sighed.
‘Listen, if you truly don’t want to do it, I won’t force you, but I really think you need to get back on that stage. Trust me, I know my fair share about music and I know that it’s where you’re meant to be.’
Louis’ eyes started watering slightly and he was silently begging them not to overflow with tears. He felt so shocked and vulnerable all of a sudden. Could he do it? Could he?
‘I—‘ he started saying, his throat tight and words coming out slightly choked up, ‘I’ve gotta go home and think about it.’
Joan smiled widely, giving Louis’ shoulder another reassuring squeeze.
‘Great,’ she said, ‘and just so you know, I’m really rooting for you. You deserve to be seen.’
Louis nodded, biting down on his lip lightly, not knowing what else to say.
‘I’m gonna go then,’ he settled on, pointing towards the entrance to the bar a bit dazed, even though he was actually supposed to start his shift in a bit. Apparently he had completely forgotten about the fact and Joan didn’t seem to particularly mind, replying with a quick, slightly amused, ‘see you tomorrow honey,’ as he walked out of Rose&Dagger, completely lost.
Louis didn’t know what to think about any of this, really. It all seemed like too much, too unexpected.
He really needed to see Harry. Yes. Harry would help him make sense of it. Harry would know what to say.
Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry.
***
‘I entered the school talent show once,’ Louis said. They only had a couple hours before it was his turn to perform and Harry was standing next to him by the bar. He came with him for moral support, along with all of their friends that could make it.
‘Really?’ he instantly perked up, the way he always did when Louis brought up something about his past.
‘Yeah,’ he said, looking at the small stage on the other side of the room. His body didn’t feel like his own as he watched Joan untangle cables, muttering profanities aimed at whoever left them in such a state the last time. ‘That was the only time that I ever performed by myself and I didn’t even make it through auditions.’
‘Oh,’ Harry said, quickly realising that this wasn’t just a little moment of reminiscence. Louis was scared. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand, squeezing it tightly, ‘this will be different, though. You’re gonna do great, Lou.’
‘Yeah, then why do I feel like such a kid then? A stupid, delusional child, thinking that I’ve got everything sorted when, in reality, I don’t.’
‘Hey,’ Harry said, moving to stand in between Louis and the stage that he was still staring at. ‘You’re not a kid, stop thinking like that. You’re good. Really good. And even if you mess up, like properly embarrass yourself, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just one performance. One of, I am sure, many many performances. Because this is what you’re great at. What you love.’
‘What I love.’ Louis echoed hesitantly, trying to accept the words.
‘Yeah,’ Harry smiled softly, ‘and you’ll do great.’
Louis scoffed.
‘I’ll do mediocre at best, but you’re right. I have to do it, even if I embarrass myself.’
Harry just rolled his eyes, deciding to drop it. Louis was amazing, no matter how much he tried to deny it.
They stood in silence for a while, until Louis’ eyes turned back towards the stage where Niall and Joan were now talking animatedly. More than that, actually. They were laughing like besties.
‘Harry,’ he said, scrunching up his face uncomfortably, ‘please tell me that Niall isn’t hitting on Joan.’
Harry followed Louis’ gaze towards the bar, just as the two turned towards them with the same warm, knowing expression.
‘No.’ Harry chuckled, easily deciphering their laughs and chatter, ‘I think they’ve just found out they share a favourite topic of choice.’
‘Like what?’ Louis asked, frowning incredulously.
‘Us.’
‘Oh that’s just great,’ Louis let out a small exasperated groan, rolling his eyes, ‘just what I need.’
‘Well,’ Harry said, softly nudging Louis with his elbow so that he looked at him, ‘to be fair, we’re my favourite subject too.’
‘Oh shut up, you cheeseball.’
‘Never.’ Harry said, grinning goofily. Louis seemed distracted from stressing out for a moment.
***
‘Hey everyone,’ Louis said, clearing his throat and giving a vague wave to no one in particular with a hand which was already holding a guitar pick between its fingers. ‘I can see some familiar faces, so hi,’ he looked down for a moment, biting down on his lip.
Close by, in the audience, Harry held his breath, a bit nervous. This must have been hard for Louis. He just wanted to tell him, ‘it’s okay, you can do it,’ but instead, he had to settle on chewing down on the side of his thumb nail and hoping for the best.
Louis shook his head lightly to clear his thoughts, before continuing, ‘today’s set is going to be an acoustic one, seeing as I don’t actually have a band right now,’ he chuckled awkwardly, continuing more seriously, ‘some of you may know why, some may not. So sorry, if it’s not what you were expecting, but I hope you still enjoy it. This first song is something I’ve written for someone really important to me, while life was being pretty shit. It’s called ‘Home’.’
He took a step away from the mic, starting to play the opening chords, his eyes fluttering shut as he concentrated.
Harry’s heart started beating wildly in his chest in anticipation. That was his song and it meant so much to both of them. He prayed for everything to go well, for people to respond well to it. Because it really was so important to Louis, he knew that.
Then Louis’ eyes opened and he took a step forward again, throwing himself into the song.
I was stumbling, looking in the dark
with an empty heart
Louis’ voice was full of emotion, you could tell, but it wasn’t weak, he didn’t hesitate or stutter or act in any way nervous. He had that look on his face, like he was completely consumed by it and Harry couldn’t help but watch him with awe, because that was his boyfriend and he was absolutely fantastic.
And he loved him.
****
The notes of the last song only just barely ran out, replaced by the sound of hands clapping and Niall making a horrendous hooting noise, when Louis hopped of the low stage and ran the few steps towards Harry. It might have been in his head, but he could swear that the crowd only got louder when their lips met. People cheered. A rom-com moment.
Somewhat erratically, Louis broke away, clumsily taking off the guitar that was still hanging off his shoulders by its strap. There was no time for words, as far as he was concerned. He could vaguely register some congratulatory comments from people, but he couldn’t concentrate on that at that moment. Everything was buzzing and, instead of trying to decipher the words, he handed the guitar to a confused Niall and grabbed hold of Harry’s arm, dragging him towards the toilets.
Apart from letting out a surprised squeal and giggling, Harry let himself be swept away by his boyfriend. They almost trampled all over someone who was just leaving the toilets, like a stampede of wild animals, which just made Harry laugh harder.
‘What are you—‘ he started asking, but before he could form a question, Louis was kissing him. Hard. Frantic. Harry couldn’t say he minded too much.
Barely breaking their lips apart, Louis walked them backward into a cubicle, then spun Harry around, pinning him against it’s door. He had expertly chosen the one where the lock actually closed properly, and he clicked it shut without even looking. It would hardly give them privacy, but it was the best he could do because everything was so urgent.
‘What are you—‘ Harry tried asking again..
‘I want to make you feel good Harry,’ Louis panted in between kisses, ‘I feel so ecstatic and— and it’s all thanks to you— and I just— I want to make you feel good.’
Harry looked at him with a furrowed brown, not quite understanding. Instead of answering, Louis turned his attention to Harry’s neck, kissing roughly. His hands wandered around Harry’s torso, down to his waist, then travelling under his shirt, hot on Harry’s bare skin. Louis started rubbing his thigh against Harry’s crotch and his boyfriend was still in a state of shock at the sudden make out session.
It wasn’t until Louis’ fingers started fumbling with the zipper on his jeans, and he dropped to his knees right in front of him that it all clicked.
‘No, Lou, stop,’ Harry gasped out, pushing Louis away, ‘I can’t. We can’t.’
Louis stared up, startled by the interruption, before clearing his throat awkwardly.
‘Oh, um— sorry.’ He said barely audibly, looking away. Their surroundings became clear to him suddenly. He felt almost embarrassed at the realisation of how pathetic he must’ve looked that second, kneeling in the small stall, on the eternally — despite both his and the cleaner’s best efforts — sticky floor, the smell of what was probably half a century of combined urine filling his nose. How the hell did this feel sexy even a second ago? Obviously, Harry wouldn’t want—
‘No, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that— i can get really loud—‘
Louis’ eyes darted back to Harry, mouth dropping open, heart pounding, ‘You— you can’t just say that Harry—‘
And that was it. In an instant, he was standing up, looking at Harry hungrily. Fuck this place, he thought, or maybe said, as he rushed to unlock the door while trapped so tight against Harry.
‘What are—‘
‘We’re going home.’ he said with authority.
‘But— but everyone is out there waiting— and your guitar— don’t you have to pack up?’ he stuttered, eyes were wide with innocent, confused concern that was just so very Harry. It only made Louis want him more.
‘Oh, fuck that. Niall can tidy up. He’s clearly very friendly with Joan. I’m sure he’ll gladly help out.’
‘But—‘
‘We’re leaving Harry.’ Louis said, grabbing Harry’s hand firmly in his own and unlocking the bathroom door with a quick click.
Harry laughed giddily.
And then they ran home — impatient, out of breath and excited. Only stopping to make out several times, because they just couldn’t help it.
****
Next morning, Louis was still buzzing, looking through his texts, while Harry slept with, head resting on his chest.
From Will: Bro where did you go? people kept coming up to me and congratulating me thinking i was you.
From Niall: Your guitar’s at mine. Pick it up. Everyone knows u and haz went home to fuck fyi
From Niall: but seriously. your set rocked. don’t forget me when ur famous
Louis shook his head. That little Irish menace.
To Niall: don’t dick around niall. i’ll need a guitarist. ur coming with.
From Niall: for real????? THAT’S IT. we’re getting absolutely wankered tonight. celebratory drinks?
Louis grinned. He could get used to that.
Just as he was about to accept the invitation, his phone started vibrating in his hand.
Joan was calling.
Shit, why was she calling? Louis thought with slight panic rising. Was he supposed to come in to work today? Was she mad about him disappearing? Was he gonna get a lecture thrown at him this early in the morning?
‘Hi Joan,’ he said, surprised by the roughness in his own voice. He tried to clear his throat, but it didn’t seem to do much. With an awkward chuckle, he continued, ‘I’m not in trouble am I?’
‘No, no, don’t worry.’ Joan replied with a warm laugh, ‘It’s just that you and Harry ran off so early last night that I didn’t really get to talk to you properly.’
‘Okay?’ Louis didn’t know where the conversation was going, but he sat up in his bed, rubbing at his eyes to wake himself up a bit more. It sounded like he should be paying attention.
‘You remember my friend, Julian?’
‘Vaguely.’ he replied, not understanding the relevance of the quick hello they had exchanged the night before.
‘Well, he wants to meet up with you and talk about your music.’
‘What?’
‘He’s a producer.’
‘Wait, what?’ Louis couldn’t help the confused frown on his face. He sat up straighter, ‘you have a friend whose a producer?’
‘Yeah, of course I do.’
‘Then why did you never— why did you never introduce us?’
There was a sigh on the line, before Joan continued, softly but insistently.
‘You just weren’t ready, honey,’ she explained earnestly, ‘and it was always you, not the band. I know that you thought it was all about Zayn, but you boys, you wouldn’t have made it. It’s probably hard to hear, but it’s the truth. You were stuck in Zayn’s shadow and I know— I know you loved him, but he wasn’t all that you thought he was. He wasn’t the star. You are.’
‘I don’t— that’s—’ so many mixed feelings filled him. Joan’s words stung. He felt betrayed by her. She didn’t think they were good enough? He flinched at the word loved too, an unpleasant shiver running down his spine, partly because he hated the thought that his feelings were so obvious to everyone and partly because it wasn’t love. He could say that now with certainty. It wasn’t love. He worshipped him and now— now Joan says that he was the star? What the hell did that even mean?
‘Just take some time to think over it.’ she continued after a long moment of silence on the line, ‘I’ll give you his number and you can get back to him, yeah?’
‘But—‘
‘You’re ready, Louis. You can really do this.’
Louis couldn’t find the words for a while. Thoughts were swarming inside his mind way too fast, too hectic.
‘Thank you,’ he managed to reply, only resulting in more reassurances and compliments from Joan. It was all so much, but at the same time, it all seemed to be falling into place, solidifying in his mind. And that’s when he decided. This was happening. He played a show. He was going to meet a producer who, apparently, already liked his stuff. It wasn’t just him joking around with Niall about needing a guitarist when he’s famous. Everything was now in motion and realised that he didn’t want to wait around anymore. He was going to make music. This was going to be his life now.
After a few minutes, he finally ended the call in a completely different mindset. He looked at Harry, laying in bed beside him with puffy cheeks and mouth hanging slightly open. He couldn’t help himself, as his hand moved towards his boyfriend and he stated playing with Harry’s sleep-messy curls, keeping his touch as soft as possible.
‘You’re gonna have so many songs about you playing on the radio one day.’ he said, with a fond smirk.
‘Hhm?’ Harry hummed in question, choosing that moment to stir awake — well, slightly awake — lifting his head slightly towards Louis’ voice.
‘Nothing, go back to sleep, love.’
Harry smiled at his words lazily, before doing just that and it all felt like a moment suspended in time. Except, Louis knew it wasn’t. If anything, it felt like the last moment of calm he would get for a long time — a calm before the storm, except this time the storm didn’t scare him. The storm was an adventure waiting ahead. It was excitement and promise and definitely a lot of hard work, but the main, overwhelming thought of it all was that it was the start of something amazing, something he was finally ready for. Finally deserved.
The story of Louis Tomlinson was just beginning.