Chapter Text
Somewhere on the fringes of his sight, Kylo sees light and shadows dance upon stuccoed walls.
Slowly, surely, his vision focuses and finds himself laying upon a thick mat. Next to him is a fire with a familiar aroma coming from broth boiling in a pot over it. Stirring the broth is his Uncle. Blue eyes boring into his own brown. Hand unperturbed in its circular motion.
"Is this the family reunion you hoped for? Staring ominously at your unconscious nephew?"
Luke scoffs; the tiniest of grins perks up a corner. The Jedi's eyes finally take reprieve, and watch the Aldaranian stew his mother would make him as a child. Something scrapes and cracks within him.
"Are you still my nephew?"
Kylo takes in every feature. The white speckled in his grey beard. The new wrinkles that have been stamped into the corners of his eyes. The paleness of the blues, where stormy cerulean used to be.
"I am me, if that is what you mean."
Luke locks eyes with him, again. He nods. The tersely inflection not at all unnoticed.
A short growl comes from the corner, and Kylo jumps, his aggression temporarily stayed. His eyes falling upon a bare torso save for bindings wrapped around a toned chest. Loose hair, still damp. Curling softly near the ends, and framing a freckled face. Brows stitched together in frustration. His scoffs.
Inaudibly cursing, Rey struggles wrapping her stomach wound over a bacta patch. Despite her pitiful state, Kylo feels nothing but contempt.
"She refuses to let me help her. But I can't say it isn't entertaining to hear her struggle," Luke chuckles, and Kylo realizes then that his uncle is faced away; that maybe he should look away as well.
"Or to watch," Kylo quips, her deep seeded hatred singeing the thick rope wrapped around their forces; the bond was stronger more than ever... She twirls viciously around to glare at him. Slapping the bandaging closed, finally. He nearly flinches at the sight. A phantom ache stings his middle complimentary to where her hand turns into a fist.
"Oh do! It'll give me good enough cause to gouge your eyes out."
Kylo shivers pleasantly at the sound of her furious voice. His brows knit together and he looks away, knowing she can feel his confusing reaction. In return her smug triumph wraps around the error, and with it is something else indecipherable. He ignores it. She peers over at Luke.
"And I keep refusing, because I have a feeling I shouldn't trust either of you."
"Rey, I told you-"
"Luke, you're not telling me anything! What happened on D'qar... What happened with him..." She flings a hand his way. Kylo watches as his uncle sits back in the chair, still averting his gaze
"There are reasons I can't tell you. It's Ben's place-"
He hears her jaw click from where he lays. Her face is the epitome of fury.
"It's Ben now, is it? It's his place?" Her shoulders are hunched and she is lurking towards them. But she walks past his uncle to stand directly before himself. Still sans shirt. Kylo's eyes never really leave her's.
"May I remind you, Luke, that he stabbed me and nearly killed you," she looks his face up and down; his scar burning under her stare, "He's a monster."
Luke is rubbing his jaw. Eyes downcast. Kylo looks to his uncle.
Is it time?
With a slight nod of affirmation from the old hermit, Kylo begins. But not before he props himself against the hut wall on the cot. Fluffing a cushion behind him.
"Now, are you quite finished? Or will I have to explain to you the happenings of D'qar through your vapors?"
She huffs.
"I think you'll need a shirt for this," he says, pointedly looking at her bare abdomen. She remembers herself and scuffles to the countertop where her tunic lays, all her failed bandages strewn about and the saber buried beneath it all. Crooked and blown. His heart clinches at the sight. But his mourning is interrupted by a stomping Rey returning to her perch, standing over him.
"Well?" He almost chuckles at her snark. But he's seen spontaneous combustion, and would like to avoid another occasion of flare burn.
"Killing you was never part of the plan, for starters, you know that."
"Do I?" She squares up, hands on her hips. Soft linen lining her toned thighs. His eyes fly back to her's.
"Your stubborn, not stupid. Although there is argument to the contrary... I told you to stay down."
"You had just stabbed me! Contrary to your belief, that would make someone think you want them dead. I was trying to stay alive."
That's not what I remember...
Believe what you want, Ren...
He feels frustration billow up within him. And not just his own.
"I purposefully aimed nowhere fatal... And skillfully if I might add," he looks to his uncle who is gripping his face in one palm.
"That's hardly reassuring!"
"I felt you realize this! You're just fighting it. Like everything else!"
Her balk makes him want to crawl out of his skin and roar. She seems just as exasperated.
"You were going to kill Luke!"
"Kid, it's called a diversion. I was merely making it look as such. I was about to strike the rest of the Knights down."
There is a rumbling that he only slightly registers.
"Don't call me that," the words are feral coming from her lips, "You don't get to talk to me like we're familiar. I don't know you."
"Don't you?" He just can't help himself.
The rumbling grows louder, still Kylo is unfettered by it; though pottery and utensils all around them quake. She seems unfazed as well, her next words angrily pinching her throat. He watches her esophagus bob as she swallows quickly before exploding.
"You're a psychotic toddler who kills people! Kills a lot of people. You're a monster, and a delusional one at that!ll
The rumbling becomes obvious to them now, but Kylo's need for the last word wonout over his peeked interest.
"You're in denial!"
"Enough!" Roars around them along with a prominent Boom. Uncle Luke stands abruptly as the door the hut blasts off its hinges and takes most of the wall with it.
"Luke!" Both he and she yell. They snap their mouths shut when their eyes fall on his furious expression.
"Neither of you has room to talk! Acting like two children," he looks to his nephew, "You need to explain yourself. Whether you like it or not."
Then something soft and deflated crosses Luke's face as he looks to Rey, "We both do."
Rey nods, showing the old man a little mercy.
"You didn't have to blow off the damn door, to make a point," Kylo grumbles, "my only request is that you refrain from blowing off anything else when you have another to make."
Luke grunts in exasperation. Then he shudders sadly, pinching the bridge of his nose, and he leaves.
"Look what you did," she goes to follow him.
"Don't," he warns- she stops. Her face still angry.
"Why not?"
"Would you want to be followed?" He looks at her earnestly. Gauging her intent. She looks away from him, stubbornly. But he sees the lines of her back relax.
"No- I wouldn't."
Huffing, she goes back to the counter to realign tools and kits. He watches. She feels his eyes on her and her back tenses again. His brow furrows...
And then it seems it is her turn to be perplexed. As she hears stones tumble and wood creak as the wall and door reassemble. The hut patched together, almost better than it had been before.
She turns to see Kylo's hands raised. His eyes closed. She feels a bit of her force glowing along with his, as he tapped into his light to fix the damage. When his eyes open she turns away again.
She splays her palms flat on the surface of the counter, leaning into them, "What happened?"
She remembers the cold. The darkness that snuffed out all his raging flames. Their heat and dependably chaotic ferociousness simply- gone. They burn. Scorching flare burns into her force now, having gone days without the company. She hears him shift. More likely he is standing ram rod straight, legs parted; martial.
"Snoke got a hold of me. It has happened before. If I fail. If I show weakness. He tortures me, until nothing but the Dark side shrouds over me."
"You expect me to believe that?" She turns to look at him, then. A lifted brow; daring him to say yes. Hoping for the opportunity to scoff at him.
He looks down at his hands. Large and scraped. Stained, though there isn't any blood on them.
"No, I don't."
She still scoffs at him. But she takes a moment to breathe; thinking...
"Why did you come back? I mean-"
She looks away. He knows what she means.
"You did something. Looking around in my head, again. Perhaps it was your Force alone, but it melted away the cold... Thank you."
His appreciation leaves his lips with a sharpness.
She's walking aimlessly about the hut. Either consciously or no, she wraps arms around herself. He watches.
"Thank you?" Her voice cracks. His heart is pounding. This is too much. He has said too much. He breathes deeply as she continues, "isn't it your goal to be the embodiment of the Darkside?"
"It was. But that's all a moot point now," Kylo's bitterness is not at all lost on her.
"Sorry for saving your ass, I guess," she growls. Turning back to the task at hand. Picking up bandages and tossing them into a crate.
"No, you've misunderstood me-" he stops.
How was he going to put this? How was he going to make it right? Years. Years of shrouding himself in darkness. All to finish what his grandfather started. And he failed! How was he ever going to repair the damage? He should have died... But the sadness... The girl. She feels so much and it leaks into his Force.
"Ahem," they jump. Luke stands in the crumpled doorway, "perhaps we should continue our discussion. Ben, you should be resting."
Kylo would scoff if he weren't inhumanly aware that he is still weak; sweating even now... His standing to repair the door had taken significant will power, and he requires assistance. Rey's wide eyes, and rapid breathing leave no doubt she has come to the same conclusion. And Luke doesn't look to be up for the task.
She shakes off the hesitation, "Well let's get it over with then."
Her hands brace under his arm and elbow, as he plants his boot clad feet to bend his knees. He exhales abruptly, letting go of a breath he hadn't known he was holding, as he sits unbearably slow. His abdominals nearly giving out from the exertion.
They sway for a moment but then she has his wrist swung over her shoulders, and her other arm wrapped around his waist. He swallows deeply. She smells like sand, and sunlight... That's ridiculous; get it together Ren.
Her footing falters a bit and she looks up, puzzled, at his face. He looks at the dirt floor, or the shadows dancing on the wall as they pass it, or the drizzle outside; anywhere but at her.
"Is this okay?" Her voice shakes. He gives. He looks at her. His rear finally meets the mat. She turns back, probably to get something, but stops short as he speaks.
"Yes... You could have used the Force you know," he says matter-of-factly and she only huffs in reply. The insecurity of the moment battling with her indignation. She leaves him alone as she situates the quilts. He watches. Her mouth twitches.
"Yeah, well, you can move yourself next time," he chuckles at this. She's startled. They stare into each other's eyes. He's shocked himself, as well.
Luke breaks the moment, "Alderanian stew?"
They jump apart. Having somehow come closer.
"I don't have the stomach for it just now," she grinds out. The shock is gone, and only frustration ripples through their bond.
Kylo grabs hold of stubbornness to will himself past the enigma that is this connection with the scavenger, and prepares his confession.
Rey seats herself across the fire and adjacent his uncle. She looks intentionally at the flames between them all.
"Where do I start?"
Luke harrumphs, folding his arms, "You're stalling. For her sake we shouldn't sugar coat this."
Kylo looks to her, the only change in her expression is her brows. Pinched in the middle where he knows her skin is covered in microscopic down; translucent. Her eyes shoot to him and they narrow. He shakes feeling the of dread away. Letting a bit of his dark force shield the little thought; she rolls her eyes.
He clears his throat.
"I was five when I first heard Snoke. I'm sure he was there longer, but I only remember being conscious of him from then on. At first he'd only be there when I was alone. When my father would leave, and my mother would be in a committee. He'd be there when they were in the other room sparring. He'd be there when I'd slip up, and my force would act before I understood what I was doing- or that it was even me doing it. And then he was always there... whispering to me. Turning my ill-perceptions into truths. I know now they were lies, but as a child you believe anyone claiming to be your friend. Claiming to be a constant. Especially when everything around wasn't. My mother knew. I felt it. She feared me. Or maybe she feared the darkness shrouded over me. But it wasn't until my ninth year that I began to feel pain. Indescribable pain. So she sent me to live with Luke. For a year he trained me as best he could. The other students were necessary to heal the balance of the Force, so Snoke capitalized off my isolation. He cultivated the pain I was feeling, where he could boil all of my fear and loathing. And when he promised me release- I accepted."
Rey's lip worries between her teeth. Hands are fists on her thighs. She looks as if to scold him, he feels her holding back, but she holds her tongue. And he tampers down his exasperation- where was the explosion he'd been expecting?
He continues.
"Four years he taught me through the Force. Four years Luke was also my master. I was decent in the ways of the Force in the Light, but I excelled in the Dark. I found my home in it. And when rumors of my heritage came to surface. I knew. It was my destiny. But Luke... Luke taught me of my Grandfather. Not Darth Vader... He showed me Anakin... It was then a veil lifted, and I saw what it was that truly held my fate. I had to finish what my Grandfather started. I had to defeat the Darkside."
Rey's whole body froze. Suspended in that moment it seemed, and she found Kylo's eyes. And the earnest, profound truth she saw there made her want to scream.
"Luke?" She pleads with the Jedi. She was exceptional at math, and this only added up to one outcome.
"I knew," Luke began, "When I failed. When I lost your mother... a story I'll tell you when you wish to hear it... that I was not going to win this fight. It had to be someone else. It had to be someone Snoke wanted. So I taught Ben as much as I could, but I did not fight his need to finish his quest. The Force willed it. I know not why it had to be him, but I see now he was the only living embodiment of both sides. Grey enough to stay the course. Though he did give me a fright these last few years.."
"Then why were you here? Why come here?" She's livid... she knows why but she has to hear him say it.
Kylo is looking to his uncle. Perhaps sharing her sentiment, but there is a slight echo of understanding in his eyes. They each made their choice.
"I was ashamed that I let my nephew turn fully to the Darkside. I let him sacrifice his self to this cause. I was a coward. And I couldn't face my sister. So here I came, to wait for my nephew to succeed. Here I came to mourn my kin."
"A bit dramatic, but I suppose so was my suicidal mission," Kylo choked out dryly, rubbing his neck with a shaky hand, he clinches it and sets it on his thigh. His eyes meet hers, "I intended to kill Snoke, and die trying."
She holds her breath. Fury, hurt, empathy- pity. She feels a reel of emotions without a grapple.
"So when you-- you actually meant-- I can't believe-- you're lying-- this is all a lie!"
Luke stands to comfort her, whilst Kylo rolls his eyes.
"And why is that, exactly?" Yes... They're both seething. This is what he's wanted.
"You killed so many people! You're a monster!"
He's shaking, his knuckles straining painfully.
"Yes. I did. I am," his throat betrays him. She hears his voice crack and all her fury is washed away with that small, infinitesimal aberration. And something clicks in her mind.
"I won't be your firing squad. You can live with your own self-hatred. I hate you, but knowing you hate yourself is justice enough for me," she looks to Luke, "you need to fess up to your sister."
"Oh don't worry- he already has," Kylo and Rey nearly crawl out of their skin, because as if conjured through the very mention, there stands Leia in the door of the hut.