Chapter Text
Yuta takes a deep breath in between puffs.
It’s a miracle that he didn’t woke up hangover. He must thank all the years of heavy drinking for the amount of endurance that he has. It doesn’t make it better though; Yuta feels like a bad adult, like he has to tone it down. Like eventually life would not make it easy for him to get drunk on a Thursday night. That he should take better care of his body.
But Yuta wouldn’t describe himself as a wise man.
Those are worries for his future self.
He takes one last puff of this cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray “you ready?” he asks as he sees Rina finishing the eyeline on her right eye, making it even with the other. He wonders if Rina always carries around an eyeliner or what.
“Yes” Rina says as she goes to her coat that was left on the back of one of his chairs.
Yuta stands then from the window’s frame and closes the window.
Biggie is by the door, where Yuta picks him up and kisses him on the face, telling him to not disappear again.
As soon as they start to walk to the store, Rina speaks “so, what happened last night?”
Rina isn’t looking at him. Her eyes remain straight ahead and Yuta is grateful. Somehow this topic had always made him uncomfortable “the waitress spilled sake on me and she spoke in Korean” Rina hums in acknowledgement “and because I was drunk, Korean kinda pour out of my mouth without a second thought”
“I can almost imagine the face that Kyosuke made”
Yuta’s hand goes for the pack of cigarettes inside of his coat to pick one and lighting it quickly “at least he was drunk so it wasn’t that bad”
“And he didn’t question why you know Korean?”
Yuta takes a puff of his cigarette “he did”
“Ah, so then you lied”
Yuta sees the smoke float away from him as he exhales “yeah”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him”
“Because, I don’t know— it’s boring?”
“I don’t find it boring”
Yuta takes a puff “it is, is a story without any climax, it just is and that’s boring”
“Well—”
“And I had to explain so many things” he eventually felt trapped on the choice his younger self made of remaining silent about his trainee days in Korea and as time passed, the idea of explaining the issue grew out to feel too bothersome. He made a big thing about something that didn’t need it to be.
Rina says nothing after that. It’s when they are arriving that she speaks again “you know, I don’t find it boring at all, you have lived a lot in a short amount of time and that’s very interesting” Yuta is about to argue about that when Rina stops him “and before you say it, I’m not saying it because you are my friend. If you were a random guy, I’ll find your life equally interesting”
And maybe that the thing. That when he thinks about his years in Korea he feels like any random guy that failed in chasing his dreams.
His time in Korea doesn’t make him interesting. What Yuta thinks makes him interesting is what he made out of that experience. Is what came next that Yuta thinks is really the starting point of the life that he feels very proud of having.
Yuta gives Rina a short hug and the conversation ends there.
*
The day seems longer than usual for Yuta.
There’s a lot to do and everything feels a bit overwhelming after a night out. He doesn’t have a hangover but in the last couples of times when he had drunk and stayed up late at night, he wakes up the next day a bit short tempered and irritated, even sad. It always depends.
It doesn’t help that they still have a lot of clients today from the Kyosuke’s post from yesterday so at some point, Yuta has to go to the register and work side by side with Saori and Koji.
So by the end of the day, Yuta really wants to go to his apartment but he gets stuck with a thought after he realized that they don’t have a good fortune cat at the store thanks to a comment that a client made about maintaining Japanese culture alive in new business and the lack of an good omen in the store.
“You know that with us being Japanese one may think we will have a Maneki-neko by now” Yuta says to Rina when they are shutting the lights off “you think that old antique shop we used to go is open at this time?”
“I don’t know, maybe?”
“Well, if it’s closed then at least I’ll do some exercise by walking there”
“So, you’re going to buy a neko from that shop?”
“Yeah, they must have some unique ones”
“I bet”
Yuta wouldn’t say that he is a superstitious but for some reason he thinks he has to make sure to take care of the place he had worked so hard for in every possible way he can. He puts his earphones and walks to the store that’s in the opposite direction of his apartment. There was a time when he was obsessed with antiques but it didn’t last long.
The area is a bit more traditional that the direction where Yuta lives. There’s a lot of ramen store, antiques, pottery shops and tea salons. It’s still a pretty busy area but it feels less chaotic given the vibe of the place in general.
After a while of walking, he stops at the store and when he enters, in doesn’t surprise him that it looks pretty much the same. It’s isn’t big but it’s crowded with a lot of stuff so Yuta goes to a bunch of things that look shiny and beautiful that he can see by the back of the store.
He goes into one of the corridors that is very narrow as every single corridor at the store. Yuta knows that is managed by an old man that purchased whatever he likes, so the shop is perpetually full of stuff. It’s rather charming, if Yuta is being honest. He gets distracted by a tea set in white and red with a traditional japanese dragon draw on it. Yuta takes one of the cups and get the feel of it, how light it is and how there’s little details in gold. It must be very expensive.
Then Vamps’ Bloodsuckers starts and he gets a bit startled as the song sounds too loud now that he in indoors so he downs the music’s volume and immediately he can hear mumbling. There’s must be a good talk because the conversation doesn’t seem to end as he eventually gets to the end of the store to look at the shiny things that he saw when entering. Is then that Yuta takes a look.
It’s three men. One with a camara and a microphone, the other with a cap on and a frown on his face and the other has his back towards Yuta, so he can’t tell anything of him. Yuta doesn’t mind, really. They’re probably tourists with a Youtube Channel or something. In Tokyo is not rare to see people filming content of different kinds, so Yuta turns his attention back to what he should be looking and that is the Maneki-neko.
He looks around and finally sees a few. There are the classic ones in white and also gold, some more cute and childish that others. There’re in ceramic but also in some sort of material similar to plastic. Yuta takes them in his hands, weights them and look for any imperfection to finally decide on the only black cat that they have. Is the one that fits the aesthetic of the store the best so after thinking it a bit, he picks it up.
The three guys are near the cashier. They don’t seem to be filming so he walks to pay for the neko when the guy that had had his back towards Yuta the whole time, turns to his side and Yuta immediately walks back to his previous spot, surprised.
Is it Jaehyun?
Yuta takes a better look from distance just to be sure it’s really him. He’s dressed in what seem pajamas but the most expensive and fashionable you can ever imagine. His hair is a dark brown and looks soft without any product on it. Yuta sees how he talks to the one guy with the camera and he’s able to spot the dimple that was so characteristic of him.
Jaehyun looks different but not quite. Yuta realizes that’s what eight years can do: he’s looking at someone that once was important in his life but that faded into a blurry memory. Jaehyun was just a moment in his life right now. He is not someone that Yuta remembered usually.
The black cat on his hands looks at Yuta and he thinks that maybe he should come back tomorrow to buy it. He doesn’t want to say hi. Not because he feels especially averse to the idea but the mere thought of small talk makes him not want to speak to Jaehyun. He doesn’t want to fake something that he doesn’t feel.
Yuta used to fear at this moment. He used to imagine how it would be to encounter one of the guys but after so many years fear is not what he feels. As he looks at Jaehyun, the situation feels like a nuisance. Just an awkward situation that makes Yuta’s cheeks pink but nothing more.
He puts the cat back on the counter that was originally in and, as he turns to the entrance, he takes one last look at Jaehyun.
But this time, Jaehyun looks back at him at the same time.
The recognition is not instantaneous. Jaehyun squints his eyes at Yuta, his eyebrows pinching together but then, he blinks and smiles.
In a second, he is by Yuta’s side.
“Yuta?”
It’s only then that Yuta gets sweep by a wave of nostalgia.
“Hi” Yuta says, his lips stretch in a tight but not less honest smile.
“Hi” this close, Yuta is able to smell Jaehyun and it’s just like he looks: expensive and lay back “what are the odds that we run into each other in Tokyo?”
Yuta has to make an effort to understand Jaehyun. Korean is a language that he’s not familiar anymore and even though just yesterday he listened and talked in it, now he is not in the same circumstances “very low” he looks over at the men that Jaehyun is with “what brings you here?” he picks the words slowly, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.
“We’re filming a sort of tourist guide of Tokyo” Jaehyun says “it’s a solo project so I’m by myself”
Yuta nods “that’s cool, this place is pretty unique”
“Yeah and how are you?”
“Good, I came to buy a Maneki-neko for my store”
Jaehyun frowns and then he makes a realization face “right! Taeyong once told us that you’re a fashion designer”
“Yeah”
The silence goes for a second or two. The man with the cap makes a gesture to Jaehyun to hurry up “I need to go now but we should meet up for drinks tomorrow, are you free?”
Yuta wants to say no, but Jaehyun’s looks sort of eager and Yuta can be an asshole when he wants but he finds that he doesn’t have the heart to lie to Jaehyun “sure, give me your phone”
Jaehyun handles his phone to Yuta with ease. The settings are in Korean and Yuta remembers a time where his phone was in that language too, when he was invested in learning it as best as he could. He saves his number with a cherry emoji which gains a raised eyebrow from Jaehyun. Yuta just waves him as Jaehyun says goodbye at the door when he is closing it.
Jaehyun didn’t hug him. Didn’t shake his hands, didn’t try to somehow restore the long-forgotten bond that they once had. If anything, Jaehyun seems to be the same unpretentious person that he was eight years ago.
Yuta goes back to pick the cat again and, as he feels it in his hand, he says “what kind of luck are going to give me?”
*
Yuta stands in front of the mirror looking at himself. He doesn’t like the shoes. He takes them off. Tries a pair of sneakers that they don’t look good with his jacket. He throws it at the bed where there’s another four discarded jackets.
Sitting in one of the pillows, Biggie thinks Yuta is playing so he throws himself at the jackets. Yuta looks at the time. He doesn’t have more to spare. He huffs, suddenly in a bad mood.
He sits on the bed and looks at how Biggie had found the way to go under the jackets. He looks just like a lump moving around. It’s absurd because he doesn’t have to prove himself to anybody but he can’t help to feel a bit restless.
It really shouldn’t matter.
He puts the shoes, the pants and the jacket he usually wears. And gets one last look at himself in the mirror.
After leaving the antique shop, he texted Rina with: can you believe that I just ran into one of the NCT guys?
Which led to a phone call that lasted all the way home.
Yuta felt very much calm but after the questions and commentary that Rina made, the feeling kind of vanished.
He arrived to the apartment with a meowing Biggie. He opened a beer can and drank it almost in one sip. Yuta turned the tv on on whatever channel, so just that the apartment wasn’t silent.
His phone received a couple of messages minutes later. Jaehyun sent an address to a restaurant bar that Yuta actually knew, so they agreed to going there.
And now, hours later, Yuta is leaving his apartment to meet Jaehyun.
*
Is still pretty early to get drinks, so the place is not packed with people and Yuta appreciate it because is easy to spot Jaehyun sitting on a table, leaning against the wall with his phone on his hands.
Jaehyun doesn’t notice Yuta till he is sitting down on the chair in front of him.
“Hey” Yuta says as he sits. Jaehyun smiles at him. He doesn’t look so different from yesterday but this time around he has his glasses on.
“Hi”
“Did I made you wait?”
“Not at all, I’ve just arrived” Jaehyun responds while locking his phone and leaving it at the table, screen down.
Yuta looks around “there’s no manager with you?”
Jaehyun shakes his head “just me but he would be picking me up later”
“It was the guy that had a cap on yesterday, no?”
“Yeah”
Yuta just hum to change the subject the next second “you looked at the menu already?”
“I was waiting for you since you already been here”
Yuta nods “right, let’s see it together”
They take a couple of minutes to figure it out what to eat. Even though the place is known for its food, is not particularly fancy so it’s not so hard to order food and drinks. Yuta doesn’t let any intrusive thoughts get into his head. He wants to be a blank canvas. He really wants to.
After ordering, Jaehyun looks at Yuta’s neck “did it hurt?”
“Like a bitch” Yuta then quickly covers his mouth, his eyes comically wide open. Jaehyun laughs “sorry, does it bother you if I curse?”
“Nope” he laughs some more “so it did hurt”
Yuta thinks about it “maybe not so much as others but yes, it hurt”
“Mmh, it’s nice though”
“Thanks”
“I was meant to ask yesterday, but why did you save your number under a cherry emoji?”
“My brand is called Rude Cherry, that’s why” Yuta shrugs “and I also like cherries”
“Rude Cherry? Did you launch a hand painted jacket collection last year?”
“Yes” Yuta nods “it actually sold very well in Korea”
“That’s what I was going to say! The name sounded familiar” Jaehyun takes his phone to seemingly scroll to some photos. Yuta looks at him but it’s quick to lift his gaze when Jaehyun takes his eyes out of the screen, searching for Yuta’s own “look” Jaehyun is indeed wearing one of the jackets in the collection in what seem part of an album’s promotion “the jacket suited the vibe of that comeback, I remembered the stylist being quite adamant to buy it”
Yuta smiles. He never gets tired of this type of satisfaction “it looks good on you”
Jaehyun’s dimples show then. Yuta sees in him the Jaehyun that he knew so many years ago in that closed mouth smile.
They get distracted with small talk till the food and drinks arrive. Jaehyun is the first to take a bite (a rather enthusiastic one).
There’s probably a long set of polite question he could ask Jaehyun but even he doesn’t feel like it, he ends up doing a question that’s rather quite bland still.
“Do you like Japan? I don’t think I ever listened you saying something about it” Yuta says as he sips on his drink.
“I do like it, I think it’s very beautiful and it always seems like there’s so much to do”
“Have you been here a lot?”
“Not a lot but I’ll say we come here pretty regularly” Jaehyun plays with the only ring that decorated his right hand “haven’t you seen Taeyong in those occasions?”
“It’s been a long time since we saw each other but yes, we have seen each other when you have visited the country” Yuta takes a big bite of food and shoves it in his mouth. He doesn’t necessarily want to talk about it. Jaehyun seems to notice this since he drops the subject in the next question.
“Can I ask you a question?” Jaehyun says “it’s fine if you don’t want to”
Still with a rather full mouth, Yuta lifts an eyebrow at Jaehyun and responds “that made me curious, go ahead”
“Do you have lots of tattoos?”
Somehow the question feels childish but charming. Is not even a thing between Yuta’s friends since they all heavily tattooed “I do, my left arm is fully tattooed and the right one has a few. I have them in my torso and in my legs too” Jaehyun doesn’t ask but Yuta can tell he is still curious and Yuta finds that he doesn’t mind sharing more “I got my first one in England”
Jaehyun lifts an eyebrow “that seems so random”
“I lived there for almost two years, you know”
“So can you talk in english?” Jaehyun asks, actually, in english.
“I can, I actually feel more confident in English than in Korean”
Jaehyun gives Yuta a fond smile “I remember how you struggled in english when we were trainees”
“Believe me I struggled learning it in England, it was hellish till it wasn’t anymore”
“Mmh, I like it there, I don’t know if you remember that I have an uncle that lives there” Yuta thinks he remembers but it could be just him thinking he remembers now that Jaehyun says it “and I used to go a lot when I was a child, I have good memories”
“I have good memories too from my time there” to Yuta, England had always been a synonymous of being in love but that also makes him incredibly nostalgic.
They eat and drink in silence of a couple of minutes. If someone would have told yesterday to Yuta that there will be silence in the conversation for that long, he would have run but now, he doesn’t feel awkward. Jaehyun comes across as a very chill person, had always been that way now that he remembers.
“Can you speak japanese?” Yuta breaks the silence then.
“I sure can talk but I’m not good”
“Now I really want to hear you”
Jaehyun laughs “okay” he coughs, making a bit of a show in prepping his voice “totemo oishikatta”
And Yuta can’t help to laugh. Jaehyun has the worst accent and it may it sound like it was not even japanese. It doesn’t matter that’s a short sentence, it’s enough to tell that Jaehyun is not good in the language. Yuta grabs his tummy as he feels a tears in his eyes “you are really shitty” he says between laughs.
Jaehyun laughs harder at that “I told you!”
“Oh man” Yuta wipes a tear that fell down his cheeks “tell me you don’t have to talk in japanese for the tourist guide you are filming”
“Not too much” Jaehyun shakes his head, a smile on his face.
“Do they make you talk in japanese for the promotions and whatever?”
“Not really, Taeyong and Doyoung are the ones that speak well japanese so it’s often just them though we sometimes have bad luck and the rest we have to talk, we all suck at it”
Yuta doubts the next question. It feels like the very first though that he had when he realized that the man in front of him at the antique shop was Jaehyun “you enjoy being an idol?”
It’s hard to describe the expression that Jaehyun makes because is not pure happiness. Yuta can tell that there’s more behind the smiles that he’s giving him but today is not about getting deep and it seems it’s a share sentiment “I think that as time had passed, I been enjoying it more. I like the opportunities it has giving me, did you know I’m a Prada ambassador?” Yuta says wow and Jaehyun looks pleased from the reaction “but sometimes I also feel so fucking tired, like I just—” he doesn’t end the sentence.
Hearing Jaehyun makes Yuta thinks about his own feeling years ago. The thought that he was wasting his life, that everything in the world was meant to change but he was gonna stay perpetually the same: just an idol that eventually would get forgotten in an extremely competitive industry.
But Yuta just nods to what Jaehyun says. He is quickly reminded that even if he shares part of his life with Jaehyun, he is still a stranger. It’s someone that he hasn’t see in eight years.
And that feels like a lifetime.