Chapter Text
Her breath emerged in delicate pants, tickling his lips as he pressed himself closer to her. Her petite form was pressed against the garden wall, her hands, much smaller than his own, felt warm against his chest. He ran his nose up her neck, inhaling the delicious citrus scent that made his mouth water. His fingers traced her jawline as he kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose gently, even though all he desired was to devour her. He leaned forward, his heart pounding in his chest as he moved towards her lips... finally... finally to kiss her and satisfy his craving. Penelope Featherington was beautiful, a siren, a goddess. How he had failed to notice it was beyond him. His hands traced her curves slowly, savouring each dip and flare—the kind of body that inspired sculptors. He kissed her fervently; she was whispering his name with need.... slight moans and desperate pleas. He had never seen a woman more beautiful than her.
Suddenly, she pushed away from him. Penelope's eyes held an expression that was unfamiliar to him. She appeared so... hurt and angry, her eyes reflecting her pain.
"Stop, Colin. I told you I never wished to see you again. Why are you here?"
"Pen..." He tried to step closer, to comfort her. But she raised a hand, stopping him, and looked at him with such hatred.
"I do not want you here... you have no right to be here... leave," Penelope said, her tone reflecting how much she despised him. "Go back to your wife, Colin."
"Pen... I do not wish to be with her... I desire to be with you." He wanted to beg, to convince her that he wanted her and only her.
"Stop, Colin. I do not wish to hear your lies. I know you are in love with her. I was there, remember? Sitting through your courtship with her, chaperoning... breaking my heart every day. You will never know, and you will never understand, how much pain I had to endure because you never cared how I felt. All that mattered was her, right? You chose her, and she is now your wife."Her voice was bitter. She laughed humorlessly, a sound he never wished to hear from her again. "Not everyone gets to marry their first love, Mr. Bridgerton. Congratulations on your nuptials... I didn't get to say it before, as I was busy."
"No, Pen... no... I don't love her... I never loved her... I don't want her... I don't want to stay married to her... I will seek an annulment... then we can be together... I promise..." He pleaded desperately, but Penelope interrupted his rant.
"I don't care, Colin... it's too late... this is the last time you will see me." She looked at him as though he were a stranger. "Thank you for coming to my special day. I am sure you had other things to worry about."
"What do you mean?" Colin asked, confused. That was when he noticed Penelope was in a white wedding dress, large and poofy. She looked like a vision, diamonds adorning her ears and neck, glowing and utterly beautiful. "It is time," he heard Portia Featherington's voice behind him.
Portia took Penelope's hand, and they walked away without sparing a glance in Colin's direction. His heart clenched in his chest, and he dropped down on his knees. His throat felt closed, and no sound came out as he tried to stop them. Tears streamed down his eyes as he cried, unable to stop her from walking away from him, to marry someone else.
Colin woke up startled, his entire body covered in sweat, his heart feeling like it would pop out of his chest. What if... what if he couldn't get an annulment? What if Penelope married someone else? What if she didn't love him anymore?
Colin had reached Aubrey Hall the night before. He had already talked to Phillip about his plan, and he was understanding and receptive to it.
But he was yet to convince Marina. A mutual decision would be easier for them. But he didn't know this woman or how she would react. Perhaps it made him seem naive, but he wasn't even aware that a woman could ever lie about something like pregnancy. Which just made him more confused about how a person like that would react if someone went against their plan. Considering her plan was to trap Colin in marriage and fatherhood he didn't sign up for, she was not someone he wanted to have prolonged contact with, he thought bitterly.
Clearly, Anthony was wise and knew what he was talking about. Maybe women can see who is worthy of marriage and who is dumb enough to be trapped. And days ago, he was willingly resigning his life to that fate. No wonder she chose him among all those suitors.
Confronting the woman about what she did only ended up with her blaming him, as he chose to marry her. That woman tried to kill her child to hide her deceit. He would be lying if he said he was not concerned about the child that would grow up with a mother like Marina. But Phillip Crane was a good man as far as he knew... but if the whole thing with Marina proved anything, it was that he was not a good judge of character and that he was not ready to make big decisions like Anthony said.
But cutting himself out of the situation was the best course of action for him. Just the thought of all this brings peace. But he will make sure Marina and her children are fine... or get Anthony to make sure that Phillip Crane was indeed a good man. He was ready to cut ties with Marina once and for all.All these doubts plagued his mind as he waited for the servants to bring Marina and Phillip to the living room. He wanted to get this over with as fast as he could.
Colin thought back to his dream... What if he is late... What if Penelope will marry someone else before he is done with the annulment... What if she hates him...
Her... looking like a dream in a white gown... walking towards a faceless man... he felt an ache in his chest at that thought. But what if she was walking towards him... He would probably cry tears of happiness when he sees her.
His train of thought was interrupted by Marina entering the room.
"I see you have returned safely," she said stiffly but politely."I hope the journey back and forth was comfortable... though I wasn't aware you had left,"
Colin noticed the snark in the end of her words. "I wasn't aware that I should be informing you of what I did," he snapped, his patience wearing thin.
"We are married," Marina said matter-of-factly. "I didn't know you were close enough to the Featheringtons to make a trip."
"Yes, yes I am," Colin said firmly, asserting his position.
Marina crossed her legs, leaning back on the sofa. "You know... they are as deserving of your anger as I am. I didn't know any better, and they were the ones hurrying to marry me off."
"I don't care what made you do what you did... What I want is an exit from you... an annulment," Colin stated firmly, his determination unwavering.
Marina looked at him in alarm. "What?!" She composed herself, trying to smile. "You are not serious, are you? You know, annulment is not possible... we have been married for weeks."
"I am very serious... even spending five minutes in a room with you is suffocating... I want this marriage to end," Colin stated firmly.
"We could be happy together... you are a good man... you will be a good father... you said you loved me," Marina pleaded, her tone tinged with desperation.
Colin snorted bitterly. "Being a good man does not mean I have to ruin my life and future to be with you... and your fancied-up fake personality... and reminding me of how stupid I was to fall for your scam... is not the way to appease me... marrying you is my greatest mistake," he declared, frustration evident in his voice.
Marina flinched as Phillip entered the room at that moment, his face betraying that he could sense the tension in the room.
Colin sighed and said calmly, "I have talked with Phillip... he is willing to take care of you and your children."
There was a moment of silence before Marina spoke, a look of betrayal on her face. "You are my husband... how could you even say something like this? I don't know this man... I don't want to marry him... you will be a good father, Colin," she protested, her voice wavering with emotion.
Colin felt anger and frustration simmering under his skin. He chuckled bitterly. "So you even have a preference in who you make miserable," he remarked, looking at her with a mix of hatred and disappointment. "It doesn't matter if you agree or not... annulment on grounds of fraud will make everyone involved miserable... but it doesn't matter to me or my family... all I want is to end this marriage... forget that I ever married you."
Marina gasped, her voice trembling with emotion. "How can you be this cruel... I was desperate and alone, and I had to do what I had to protect my children," she pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Children you tried to kill when it became clear that you were going to be caught!" Colin shouted, anger evident in his voice, his words filled with accusation and disbelief.
"What?!" Phillip said, looking at Marina in shock. "You tried to kill them?" His voice was filled with disbelief and horror.
Colin was done with this woman. He walked out of the room, ignoring Marina calling after him. Anthony would come to Aubrey Hall in a week's time with the rest of the family. He would end this marriage somehow.
Penelope spent the last week contemplating how she had traveled back in time. She had never heard anyone speaking about it. How was it possible? She wasn't sure how it happened. At first, she wondered if she had dreamed about the future, but her father's death and everything else just proved that she had traveled back to the past. And somehow, her actions had changed things... Colin ended up marrying Marina... does that mean the future changed too? She was confused about the whole thing.
But none of the semantics mattered. What she did know was that she didn't want this. She wanted to go back to her original time. After spending the whole week contemplating what caused this, she concluded it was the lake. Well, at least the last thing she remembered was falling into the lake.
But the problem was, she had seen others falling into the lake before. Viscount Bridgerton fell into the lake during his courtship with Miss Edwina Sharma, and that didn't cause him to time travel. But why did it happen to her?
The only conclusion she could draw was that it was because it was at night. But that alone was probably not the reason. There should be something else that triggered this... but she didn't know what.
The only thing she could do was to jump into the lake and hope for the best.
She decided to try to replicate the day as well as she could. As she sat on the bank of the lake, she thought of her kiss with Colin. It was something that shouldn't have happened, but not one that she could bring herself to regret. It was probably the goodbye she needed. Colin had kissed her back. She hadn't let herself think about what it meant. She forced herself to believe that it meant nothing.He was married to Marina anyway, and she didn't want to be a mistress, even if it was Colin Bridgerton.
If it all came to it, she would live her life as a spinster and Lady Whistledown, maybe with Eloise. She was grateful that Eloise wasn't mad when she fessed up about her double life. She had a hard time convincing herself to do it, but the knowledge of the future helped. But the hardest part, and the most difficult one that caused a fight, was when she tried to convince Eloise to not interfere with Whistledown and to never speak of it again. It was a big fight, but not something she was determined to give up. She wanted her writing to be her own. Maybe it made her selfish, but she was not ready to share her power. And more than that, she had accepted that she and Eloise were very different people with different views of society. Lady Whistledown and Penelope Featherington were the same person, and she wasn't willing to change it. She had asked Eloise to understand and accept it. For the first time in a long time, Penelope felt good about herself. Standing up for herself was what she should have done a long time ago. Waiting until it was too late was what ended up being wrong each time. She would not let that happen again.
She walked towards the dock, praying that it would work, that she would go back to her timeline. But she couldn't convince herself to jump. She felt her stomach churning. She moved closer to the dock but stepped back. Maybe she should come tomorrow; this was not the right time. She turned away to go back, but she tripped and fell into the lake, tripping on her skirt.
Colin Bridgerton was done with Penelope Featherington and her denial. She had been pretending that their kiss hadn't happened for far too long. After his annulment, when she acted like nothing had changed between them, he had assumed it was because she wanted to wait before they made things official. And after when he had gone on his first trip, she was the best correspondent he could ask for. She replied to all his letters, and he felt closer to her than ever. But their letters were always friendly and not inappropriate, even though he wished they were. But Penelope was a lady, and he didn't want to scandalize her.Even if his letters were not inappropriate, his dreams definitely were. He had reached a point in life where he preferred sleep because that was where he could see her.His dream last night of Penelope in front of the mirror... he willed himself to not think of it... he had to compose himself.
When he had returned for the second season, she was still friendly ,smiling at him like he hung the moon, but still acted like the kiss hadn't happened. They danced quite a few times, but she left him for Eloise almost every time, which frustrated him to no end. His sister was standing between him and his future, and she dared to scream at him like he was stealing her woman, and it was not the other way around.
Eloise debuting had put a distance between him and Penelope. When he and Penelope talked about their dreams at Anthony's wedding, he thought this was it and that they were going to talk about their future together. But Eloise stole Pen away yet again. After all the drama with Anthony and Kate. And after he saved Pen from her fraud cousin (how come she has one every season?). He left the ton for a tour, defeated yet again. And when he had straight up asked her about her first kiss, she dared to reply that she had never been kissed. That was the final nail.
Colin Bridgerton was going to confront that frustrating woman. She cannot pretend that kiss that stopped his world did not happen. He was plagued by highly inappropriate dreams of her all too often to see her only as a friend. He couldn't go back to seeing her as his sister's adorable little friend whose cheeks he had to learn to refrain himself from kissing. These days, he was refraining himself from cornering her at a ball and kissing her senseless for all ton to see. Propriety be damned.
He had found a house in Bloomsbury last season, for when Pen was finally ready to get married, all blues and greens and no yellow except for his study. He even added a library with all the books she said she liked. But he was starting to wonder if he was getting ahead of himself. She hasn't given him any indication that she liked him since that night of THE KISS. Colin sighed. How come he was the only one affected by it? His whole life can be divided into two: before and after THE KISS..She had told him she loved him that night, but had her feelings changed?
But maybe she will like him again. All the ladies in the ton seemed to like his new look... except for maybe Lady Whistledown... but Colin couldn't care less about what an old woman thought of him. Did Penelope like it? She once said that beard made him look distinguished. She had said that he looks like a pirate ..when they met for the first time. But then at the Danbury ball last night, she came wearing a beautiful emerald green gown and left without talking to him at all. That's it, though. He was done beating around the bush. He was going to ask her straight to her face.
Penelope had woken up on the bank of the river. When she reached back to her home, she was relieved that she finally was in her own timeline. She had doubted if the whole thing was a dream since everything looked the same, including Colin's letters to her, but then she found more. When she opened some, she saw the ones about Cyprus; everything was the same.
But it was Eloise barging into her living room on the day of the Danbury ball that made Penelope realize that everything had indeed happened and that the past had, in fact, been changed. Colin had a messy annulment, which was probably the biggest scandal in the ton. But since Lady Whistledown kept supporting the Bridgertons, they were able to recover. Well, everyone knows that Bridgertons are so beloved that they will fall on all four legs even without Whistledown.
But most things remained unchanged, including Penelope's decision to find a husband this season.That meant she had to keep her distance from Colin. He could no longer be the only one to dance with her.Therefore, she had avoided Colin with determination at the ball.
She put on her maid's coat and took the latest Whistledown, then waited for the hired hack.
Colin couldn't believe his eyes as he saw Penelope getting into a hired hack. She was entering a carriage by herself, presumably heading to some unsuitable location, because if she were doing anything proper and normal, she would be taking the Featherington carriage. Or better yet, with one of her sisters or maids.
Colin couldn't handle his curiosity about what this infuriating woman was up to. It felt like the same recklessness that he felt during his travels. That could be the reason why he had followed her instead of stopping her. For a second, when they were in Bloomsbury, he had hoped that she was going to visit him. But the carriage went further east, to the city. He saw her pushing through the crowd, her small form making it difficult to track her.Was she going to see a lover? The thought made his stomach drop. Was the reason she pretended their kiss didn't happen because she loved someone else now? He couldn't be that great if she had to take a hired carriage to see him. No man would let his woman do that. But if she was willing to do that for him... that meant... He couldn't think more.
He saw her enter the printer's shop. He waited much closer to the door but hid himself enough to only eavesdrop. Penelope was talking in an Irish accent... in a perfect Irish accent... he remembered she was dressed as a maid when she had gotten out of the carriage. He listened in; she was bargaining like a businesswoman in the shops that he had been to when he was shopping abroad, like she had done it so many times over. He couldn't deny it any longer. He couldn't lie to himself,when the truth was right infront of him. Penelope was Lady Whistledown.His Penelope was the biggest gossip monger of the ton.And she has been doing this since she debuted. He had concluded that it could be Eloise a while ago. He had even mentioned it to Penelope, who denied it so thoroughly. But he had still held doubts. She was probably laughing at him when he went on about his doubts about Eloise.
He took hold of her hand as she stepped out of the shop, walking her to his carriage without letting go.
"Col - Col-" Penelope said, shocked.
"That would be Colin," he said angrily.He put her in his carriage and gave money to her hired hack before getting in himself.
"Take the long route," he said to the carriage driver.
There was a moment of silence before Colin broke it. "I couldn't even say what I am more angry about right now... What do you think you were doing? Putting yourself in danger like that for so long... How could you so carelessly..."
"I can take care of myself, Colin. I have done it many times, and nothing has ever gone wrong," Penelope retorted.
"You shouldn't go anywhere... anywhere unaccompanied, Penelope," Colin said sternly."Who else knows?"
"It is none of your business, Colin," Penelope said coldly.
"It is my business because I love you," Colin looked at her in an intensity she wasn't familiar with.
"Maybe your feelings for me have changed. You haven't done anything to indicate otherwise. You acted like our kiss hadn't happened... but Pen, I love you. I have been in love with you all along," Colin said, moving closer and sitting on the floor of the carriage on his knees, his eyes pleading.
"Colin, we are friends," Penelope said.
Colin's eyes dimmed as he started to move away from her. "Forget I said anything," he said dejectedly.
"But I would very much like to be more than friends," she continued. She saw him searching for the truth in her eyes, leaning into her as he realized that she meant it.
As Penelope adjusted her dress with the help of Colin and was getting down from the carriage, he said, grinning, "You should come with me."
"What?! Your family will see, Colin," she said, startled at his audacity.
Colin grinned mischievously, like he knew something she didn't. "For God's sake, Penelope Featherington, are you going to marry me or not?"
And Penelope lost her balance.