Chapter Text
When Thorin returned, Fili met him at the edge of their camp, face contorted in rage. The sound of flesh meeting flesh gathered everyone’s attention in time to see Thorin take a step back, hand on his cheek.
Thorin straightened himself keeping his face blank as he addressed his nephew, “You best explain yourself Fili.”
The blonde dwarf spat at Thorin’s feet, “You know what you have done. Kili has ran off and not returned yet because of you. Aulë help you if he should come to harm.” The threat hung in the air as Fili reclaimed his seat beside Bofur.
Thorin remained silent, looking thoughtful then spoke, “Your anger is un-justified, Kili is still young and needs to learn, your coddling will not help him.”
“Un-justified?” Fili shot up; Bofur being quick to grab his arm was the only thing holding him back, “You have been nothing but cruel and malicious, ever since he was a child! You have only ever badgered him and tick off all the faults you have found in anything he does. In all my years I have never seen a kind word pass your lips to him!” by the time he finished Fili was yelling struggling against Bofur’s hold, who had stood up to grasp the youngers arms more firmly.
“You do not know how many nights he has come to me crying because of you. How many times I have told him he will receive even a sliver of favor in your eyes given the time. You call what I do coddling? I do what I do so my brother won’t go running off,” he jerked his head to the forest, “and do something stupid to prove himself, that I know he’s doing right now.” Fili’s harsh breathing was the only sound for a few awkward heartbeats.
Thorin cleared his throat, “Fili I think it best you go look for your brother now.” His voice had that note of finality Fili would under other circumstances follow without question.
“No.”
The simple answer shocked everyone.
“I can go look for him, find him and comfort him but I guarantee it’s not me he’s hoping that comes looking for him tonight. A brother can only fix so much damage from another before it starts not being enough.” Fili never took his eyes off Thorin, keeping his voice as calm as possible.
The pair stared at the other for a long while till Thorin finally looked away, “I’ll return shortly.” His voice was clipped; he grabbed his sword going back into the forest in the direction Fili pointed.
“Mahal save us from the stubbornness of the Durin line.” Balin muttered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There was just enough light from the moon as Thorin stomped through the trees looking at the brush for any sign of his nephew. He jerked back a step only just seeing one of the traps he recognized as Kili’s. He knelt looking closely, the trap was…exceptionally well done. He blinked slowly standing again.
Thorin kept an ear out listening for signs of his nephew. It seemed like hours before Thorin finally came to a river, the moon showed Kili’s silhouette sitting on a rock near the water’s edge.
He approached the hunched, shadowed figure silently not wanting to let Kili know of his presence just yet.
“Stupid, stupid, can’t do anything right, worthless…I can’t even do this right.”
The harsh words froze Thorin’s steps; he watched and listened to Kili’s struggle with what looked like him wrapping his hand.
The young Dwarf eventually gave a shout of frustration throwing the bandages to the ground. A soft sob pulled at his heart making him take a step forward reaching out a hand. The next motion from Kili made his blood run cold.
He pulled out a dagger.
“I can’t even do this right!” Kili growled shaking the dagger dangerously close to this arm.
His next words stuck in Thorin’s throat when Kili finally pressed the blade to his wrist. He didn’t remember yelling or running the last few steps but Thorin was suddenly behind Kili grabbing his wrist in a harsh grip to bring the blade away from his nephew’s skin.
There was a wild yell and struggling from Kili at the sudden attack only settling when he turned his head to see Thorin instead of an un-known enemy.
“Uncle? What are you doing here?” he whispered after both Dwarfs had caught their breath.
The older dwarf released his grip moving to stand in front of the other to grab his shoulders.
“Nephew I am so sorry; I had thought I had been helping you grow. I had not realized to what extent I have hurt you.” Thorin said in a rush, “I could never forgive myself if I was the cause for you to end your life.”
Kili remained silent, then pulled a face that made Thorin frown.
“End my…uncle what are you talking about?” Kili finally asked.
“You were about to slit your wrists just now.” Thorin answered brows furrowing.
Kili barked out a laugh unable to stop until there were tears running down his face.
“Uncle I was not going to kill myself,” He held up his damaged hand showing a bandage knotted tightly around his wrist, “I tied the knot to tight and couldn’t get it loose I was going to cut it off.”
Thorin blinked sighing in relief feeling a little embarrassed, “Thank Aulë.” He whispered and sank to his knees.
“It’s not like I haven’t tried before though.” The whispered confession snapped his attention back on his nephew.
Kili wasn’t looking at him, biting his lip, “Fili knows, he’s stopped me a couple of times.” He took a side glance at his uncle who was staring at him in shock.
“Mahal save me what have I done.” Thorin gasped, “You must promise me to never try again. I would never forgive myself if I was reason.”
Kili said nothing, the two dwarfs sat there waiting for the other to make a move.
“I had thought I was helping, you are still so young and still need to learn so much.” Thorin confessed.
“It’s still nice to hear a good word every once in a while. I…Fili and I look up to you so much I think that’s why it hurts more.” Kili replied biting his lip.
Thorin nodded in understanding, “I can see that now,” Thorin took a deep breath, “I would ask forgiveness from you.”
“I won’t.” the reply came immediately; Thorin looked up shocked at the answer.
“This isn’t just going to wash away uncle, much as I wish it could. There are many deep wounds that need to heal.” He bit his lip worry etched on his face at the answer.
Thorin gave rueful smile moving his hand the gently grasp the dark hair like his, “I can accept this. Will you then accept the apology of an old dwarf then for realizing his own stupidity?”
Kili pressed their foreheads together smiling softly, “Aye I can do that.”
“Thank you, now let’s get your hand bandaged and head back, your brother might punch me again if I return without you.” He grabbed the bandages while Kili laughed.
“He punched you?” he choked out holding his hand out when Thorin just stared at him.
“Yes he did, yelled at me too.” He muttered sending Kili into another fit of giggles. Thorin hid his grin, he’d let Kili laugh at him more often, he had been somber the past weeks and Thorin hadn’t realized how much he missed it until now. He made quick work of the bandage talking through the steps of wrapping properly.
When that was finished they slowly made their way back to the camp.
“I noticed your trap when I was looking for you.” Thorin remembered suddenly, “It…” he bit his tongue at the automatic criticism, “You did a very good job, I almost stepped into it.”
The hug was surprising but Thorin was quick to return it, the tears were unexpected. Thorin held Kili allowing him to cry into his shoulder. When he finished Kili’s eyes were slightly puffy and there was a large wet spot on his shoulder. He didn’t care.
“Come on now you need food and your brother is probably worried sick.” He ruffled the dark mop of hair and they were off again.
When they reached the camp all conversation stopped, Fili was by his brother in an instant gripping him in a tight hug.
“Durin’s beard I was so worried.” He whispered.
“I’m sorry.” Kili whispered back
“Are you and uncle?” Fili trailed off not knowing how to finish.
“Not yet but I think we will be. He said I did a good job on my trap.” His voice cracked at the end but if anyone noticed they didn’t say anything. Fili just gripped him tighter smiling.