Chapter Text
A closing door woke Connor up from his dream and he shot up from the couch he'd fallen asleep in the middle of his watch. Fuck... how long was i asleep? He looked outside and saw that the sun was already high in the sky, shining blinding rays of sunshine inside the living room through the dusty window, it was maybe a mid day.
He could see a glimpse of Daryl disappearing behind the house, carrying something in his hands. He frowned and walked closer to the window, trying to see where the redneck was going. Of course he couldn't see anything since he'd went around the corner, so he sighed and grabbed his knife and quickly checked on Murphy who was sleeping in the next room. They'd changed watch turns a few hours after Murphy had taken over after Daryl. Even though it hadn't been his turn, he'd still insisted that his twin went to get some rest.
He knew it sometimes annoyed Murphy how over protective he was about him, but he Couldn't help it. He saw himself as the big brother and felt like he had to take care of Murphy's needs over his own.
After he'd made sure his brother was alright and safe, he left to go after Daryl.
When he got to the back yard, the first thing he noticed was three big holes on the ground under a big, old tree, and Daryl crouching over the middle one with the little boy's corpse in his arms. He'd carefully covered the child with a white, clean sheet he'd probably found from the same drawer Connor had found the sheet he'd covered the family up last night.
Connor stilled and chewed his lip. He didn't want to disturb the moment and stayed back, watching as Daryl climbed in to the grave he'd dug all by himself when the twins were sleeping and carefully lowered the child to the ground. Connor felt bad about not helping the archer with the task, but he wondered that maybe his brother had wanted to be alone since he hadn't woken him or Murphy up.
When Daryl stood up and was about to get up from the grave, he noticed Connor standing near the house, arms crossed, watching him with an unreadable look on his face. He looked at him in the eye for a few seconds and then looked away, chewing his lips.
The blonde saw that he had been seen and walked closer. He stopped at the edge of the grave and offered a hand to the archer, who looked at it for a while and then climbed out of the grave, without taking the offered help. He felt so ashamed of himself because of yesterday. How the hell was he such a pussy that he'd been crying on the floor in front of Murphy. And of course Connor knew what'd happened, he'd made it pretty clear with their little talk when he'd gone to bed. He hated himself for acting that way, for showing that side of him to a perfect stranger. Even if he couldn't deny the connection he'd felt to the twins, they still were strangers after only one day of knowing them. He went to stand on the edge of the grave, next to Connor, but wouldn't say a word. He stared at the child laying on the ground, covered with a sheet and hated the world for what if had become.
"Ye didn't have to do that all by yerself." Connor said quietly after a while. He looked at the archer who still wouldn't look back at him, studying his face, trying to read the expression on it.
"Well ye two micks were both sleeping, and i wanna get this over with so we can go through the other houses." He answered, sounding way more pissed that he'd intended and wiped some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. Connor raised and eyebrow and looked at him, like waiting an explanation to his snapping. Of course he didn't get one, and Daryl left to go get a shovel that was leaning on the wall of the house. He came back with it and started to fill in the last Grave.
Connor sighed, a little frustrated at the archers clearly annoyed mood and tried to look around if there would be another shovel somewhere. Daryl seemed to notice his intentions to help out, and rolled his eyes.
"Don't need yer help, go cuddle with yer brother or somethin'." He grunted and that made Connor look at him, trying to figure just what had caused the archer to be in such a bad mood. Not really knowing how to make him feel better, he tried to lighten the mood a bit.
"What? With ye? Well come on then." He grinned and nudged Daryl's side with his elbow, trying to get a reaction out of him.
Daryl didn't find it as funny as Connor obviously did. Instead he got even more annoyed at the fact that the blonde still wouldn't leave him be.
"Just leave me the hell alone." He snapped, rising his voice a bit and throwing some dirt into the grave with more force than needed. He felt so ashamed, angry and annoyed about last night even though Connor hadn't been there to see him fall apart. He could only imagine how he'd feel if Murphy woke up right now.
Connor sighed loudly, getting really annoyed too. He couldn't understand why the archer would act this way, why he was so angry. He shook his head and turned around.
"Alright, whatever. Watch yer back, i'll wake up Murph so we can get moving after yer finished." And with that, he turned around and started walking back to the house. Daryl rolled his eyes and continued filling in the grave.
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When Connor reached the room Murphy had been sleeping in, he found it empty. Murphy had obviously woken up while he was out with Daryl and left to God knows where. He turned on his heels almost panicking with an intention to look for his twin, but before he could take one step, he saw Murphy standing in front of him with a smile on his face, looking well rested. His overgrown, black hair that almost reached his eyes and had started to curl a little from the ends, was pointing in every direction and there was still sleep in his eyes.
Connor stared at him for a moment, basking in the feeling of security to have Murphy stand there in front of him looking so worry free. His morning look reminded Connor of the mornings before the apocalypse when they'd had a day off and they would sleep till noon and just hang out in their tiny apartment without even dressing up.
He smiled at the memory and then quickly got back to earth. "Geez, don't ever scare me like that again. Where the hell were ye?" He snapped at his twin, trying to sound more angry that he actually was. Of course Murphy saw right through him and knew that he wasn't really angry. He grinned and nudged his brothers stomach lovingly and then walked past him to the room they'd slept in.
"Relax, i was just gettin' some breakfast from the car. Ye worry too much, Conn." Connor could sense the eye roll while he's brother wiggled a can of peaches in his hands and then sat down on top of his sleeping bag. He rolled his eyes too, and sat next to Murphy, crossing his arms and frowning. "I don't worry too much, I worry just the right amount! Ye worry too little." He sounded like a pouting kid who had just been lectured by his parents. Murphy chuckled while chewing his food and nudged Connor's side.
"Oh come on ye, ye've always worried too much about me! Every time i get a tiniest cut or a bruise, ye're practically calling 911 before i have time to say 'ouch'." He laughed and leaned his head on his brother's shoulder. "Ye don't have to worry so much all the time, we're gonna be fine."
"Of course i have to worry, I'm ye'r big brother and i have to keep ye safe. It's my job." Connor responded and leaned his head against Murphy's.
"Hey! We both know i'm the oldest!" Murphy chuckled, and continued. "And i thought ye'r job was killing bad guys!"
Connor chuckled. "Ye wish ye were the oldest."
Murphy grinned and offered Connor a few peaches which he took eagerly. He hadn't noticed how hungry he was before he took them, and now noticed the empty feeling and the growling in his stomach. Murphy seemed to notice it too, and offered the rest to his brother. "Here, ye eat the rest. I'm gonna go outside for a moment." When Connor took the can he stood up and started to head to the door.
"Hey no, wait up where ye think ye're going?" Connor stood up as well, his light mood gone in a second.
Murphy rolled his eyes and looked a bit amused. "Calm yerself, i'll just go around the corner."
"Why?"
"Conn, calm down already. I can take care of myself, and i need to pee." There was a mild irritability in his voice by now.
Connor noticed that he was again smothering his twin, and backed off a bit, he didn't want to start a fight between them since Daryl was already in a bad mood. He didn't need for them all to be pouting before the day had even started.
"Fine. Watch yerself."
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The door opened behind him and Daryl immediately knew that it was Murphy who came out. The twin's steps sounded almost the same, they walked in the same rhythm and they weighed the same amount, but he could still, after so little time of knowing them, tell them apart. Murphy's were little bit lighter and easier, when Connor's sounded more like he was carrying a lot of weight in his shoulders. Like he was worrying all the time. Of course he was, he was the big brother. Even if they were twins, he could see it in Connor that he was older, even if just a few minutes.
He sat on the porch of their new house smoking one of his last cigarettes and didn't turn to face his brother even when he greeted him with a perky high school girl -like "Morning!". Instead he blew out some smoke and grunted a little to let the other know that he wasn't in a mood for any 'good morning' wishes right now.
Murphy tilted his head a little and looked at the archer, lost in thought for a moment before sitting next to him on the porch. "What's got yer panties in a bunch? Did a squirrel get away, huh?" He grinned and nudged Daryl's side gently. The reaction he got in return was not what he expected.
Daryl was on him faster than he could even realize what was happening, much like last night, only this time Daryl was very aware of what he was doing. He sat on top of Murphy and held him by his shirt, eyes narrowed and looking really pissed. "Leave me be ye annoying mick, don't need yer 'good morning' wishes of yer dumbass jokes! 'N i certainly don't deed ye'r help with anything!" The last part referred to the night before and Murphy got that. He stared at Daryl, eyes wide in confusion and surprise. "Hey relax dude, what's wrong with ye?" He asked a bit annoyed about the other man's outburst.
Daryl just rolled his eyes and got up. He picked the cigarette that had fallen to the floor and sucked in smoke almost violently. His brother got up as well and scanned the near by for any walkers they might have drawn out with Daryl's yelling. he couldn't see any, so he turned back to Daryl. "What the hell happened? Yesterday we were all buddy buddy and now ye can't even look at me without getting mad."
Daryl rolled his eyes and blew out smoke. "Nothin' happened." His voice was dark and deep. It sounded almost dangerous.
"Somethin' did." Murphy said and leaned to the railing next to his brother. He tried to catch his eye but Daryl wouldn't look at him.
"No. Nothin' happened. Ye hear me? Nothin' happened. Not today, not yesterday, ye get that ye stupid mick?" Daryl snapped and then threw his half smoked cigarette away. He turned away from the twin and walked few steps. "Now leave me be. I'mma go hunt us some decent breakfast and then we're gonna clear the houses on the block." Whit that he was gone.
Murphy stood there and watched after him for a moment and then rolled his eyes. "Fine. I get it."
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It was already about a mid day but still, they had just woken up and hunting breakfast for them was the perfect excuse to get out of the house and to get away from the brothers for a while. And Daryl really wanted to get away from them at the moment.
He walked silently through the trees and bushes, trying to find some kind of tracks to follow, so he could get his mind of everything that had happened yesterday with Merle, the group and the twins. Especially the thing with Murphy. A part of him felt kinda relieved to have some of that weight off his shoulders. Even though he hadn't said a word to Murphy, it felt like he'd understood him and taken some of that weight off of him. But mainly, the bigger part of him felt ashamed and annoyed about the whole thing.
Because of his father, he hadn't opened up to anyone ever, not even Merle... well... especially Merle. So since it was a whole new thing for him to show any weakness to anyone, he didn't quite know how to handle the feelings that came with it.
The woods were quiet, he hadn't seen any walkers or animals ever since he'd left the house. Not even a squirrel had crossed his path so he just walked quietly and didn't even try to find any tracks to follow.
A sound of water flowing woke him from his thoughts and he stopped to listen, trying to locate the source of the sound, and when he did, he started to walk towards it. He was just about to reach the river when he heard the moans. His whole body tensed when he saw the herd on the other side of the shallow river.
There were about 30 of them caught between the water and a cliff. He tried to get away from sight as quiet as he could, but when he started to back away, he felt something grab him from behind.
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"Why do you think he's in such a bad mood today?" Connor asked, trying to sound all casual, like he wasn't trying to pry about Murphy's conversation with Daryl last night.
"Don't know. Woke up on a wrong foot?" Murphy grinned and carried on cleaning his gun. Of course he knew what Connor was up to, he always knew, but he wasn't going to tell anything about yesterday to him. He'd made a silent promise to Daryl not to talk about it. Not that there was much to tell anyway, they hadn't talked about anything related to Daryl's breakdown anyway.
"Oh come on, ye must know why he's actin' like that! I saw ye yesterday."
"I know ye saw us."
"I know ye know."
"I know."
"I know."
Murphy grinned. "I know."
"Oh shut up already and tell me!" Connor pleaded and nudged his brother's side.
"I ain't tellin' ye anythin'. Besides there's nothin' to tell. We didn't talk."
Connor sighed and leaned his head against the wall. "Fine."
A few moments went by when they were just cleaning their guns in silence, before Murphy broke the silence. "Do ye think we'll find him?"
Connor stirred from his thoughts and looked up from his Beretta. "Who? Merle?"
"Yeah."
"Don't ye worry a bit, brother. We'll find him, and gathered that he was so much trouble to the group that he had to be handcuffed to the roof and the fact that he cut off his own hand with a dull saw tell's me that he's a real badass who can make it on his own." He said with a confident smile on his face. Really he was worried, he felt like it was impossible to find someone in this world when you had no idea where they had gone or if they were even alive. But still he couldn't let Murphy think that. They needed to give a hundred percent to this to have any chance of finding Merle.
"Okay." Murphy said quietly and chewed his lips. Of course he knew how Connor really felt, they hadn't ever been able to keep secrets from each other. He decided to let it go and continued what he was doing in silence.
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A few hours went by as they did their chores, cleaning up the house, setting better barriers to the windows and doors and gathering everything they could think they would need from the house and carried the stuff to the car. It was when Connor's stomach growled viciously when he started wondering what took Daryl so long in his hunting trip. He still thought that maybe the hunter just needed to cool off a bit since he'd been annoyed all morning, and thought that he would give him a little more time before bringing his worry up with Murphy, so he went to get some canned beans from the car and sat on the living room couch. Murphy was still upstairs going through the master bedroom, so he was safe from their "twin connection" and could worry without his other half finding out.
He went through every possible scenario in his head about what could have happened to Daryl, why he was taking so long and why he felt so on the edge all of a sudden. He tried to brush it off as just a pointless worry and a bad feeling like it usually was when he felt this way about Murphy and reassured himself countless times that Daryl was just in a bad mood and didn't want to be bothered, but still he couldn't shake the feeling.
"What's wrong?" Murphy's voice startled him and he turned around. He'd been so lost in thoughts that he hadn't heard his brother coming downstairs.
"What d'ye mean?" He tried to act like nothing was bothering him, even though he knew Murphy would never in a million years buy his act.
"Ye know what I mean. I know ye and ye know that." Murphy rolled his eyes and sat on the couch next to him. "Something's bothering ye, and i would bet money on that it's the fact that Daryl isn't back yet."
Connor sighed slowly and stared at the untouched can of beans in his hands. "Yeah. I have a bad feeling."
"Ye always have a bad feeling."
Connor snorted at his brother's remark.
"That said, i'm kinda worried too." Murphy went on and chewed his lips.
Connor shifted his eyes from the beans to look at Murphy instead. "Ye think we should go look for him?"
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Ireland
Year 1980
"I have a bad feeling." Connor muttered and glanced at his brother who was digging through their mother's drawer a little too exited.
"Ye always have a bad feeling." Murphy stated and grinned when he found what he'd been looking for. He grabbed the lighter and the cigarettes from the drawer and stuffed them in his pocket. "And besides, this was yer idea." He continued and glanced at Connor.
"Yea but i'm having second thoughts." Connor said quietly and chewed his lips.
Murphy rolled his eyes and closed the drawer. "Let's go." He said determined.
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They figured that their neighbors old barn would be the best place to try the smokes. The owner didn't use it for anything at the moment and hardly ever was even near it, and since it was pretty far from other buildings in their village, no one would see them. They'd seen some older kids from their school smoking earlier that day and wanted to try it for them selves.
When they got to the farm, they walked behind it just in case and then took out the cigarettes. Connor pulled two out of the pack and handed one to Murphy who put the pack back in his pocket and then took the cigarette from his brother.
"Did you take the lighter too?" Connor asked. He was really exited to try something that older kids did, but still at the same time he had a really bad feeling about it. Like he knew something bad was going to happen.
"No i thought they would lit themselves." Murphy snorted sarcastically and pulled the lighter from his pocket.
Connor was the one to try it first. He took a long drag from the cigarette and felt the smoke travel to his lungs. The feeling wasn't as nice as he'd thought it would be. He really didn't want to show weakness and cough, but he couldn't help it.
After like a fife minutes of coughing and Murhpy laughing, he was finally able to stop and breathe. He slapped Murphy in the back of his head and glared at him. "Try it yerself if ye think yer so tough to handle it." He snapped and shoved his brother a bit.
"Fine, i will." Murphy accepted his challenge and took a drag. Connor's face lit up as his twin grimaced and started coughing just as much as he did just moments ago.
After they both had tried their cigarettes a few more times, they decided to never do it again.
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When they got home, Annabelle was just getting off the phone and she had a worried look on her face.
"Where were ye? Mr. MacNally just called and told me his barn's on fire."
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Georgia
Year 1980
The same exact time
Daryl liked the kids in his neighborhood. They let him tag along with them when they were playing in the park near by and no one really bullied him, like the kids at his school. They usually played hide and seek or tag or something like that, and he loved it. Times like these he felt just like a normal kid.
Even though he was very rarely allowed to go out and play, today he'd sneaked out while his mom was upstairs and dad was out. He knew he'd get in trouble but it was worth it.
They played hide and seek today, his time to shine. Because of his hunting training, he was sneakier than any other kids, since Merle had taught him to move fast and quiet in the woods, the park was just too easy. The other kids would always have to look for him so long that they would eventually get bored and call for him to come out. And when he was the one looking, the game would be over in just a few minutes.
They played for a few hours, everyone got their turn to look for the others and after they got bored, they'd go to the near by forest and test Daryl's skills there. Still he always found everyone pretty quickly.
After they had played in the forest for an hour or so, they heard a siren somewhere not far, and they all ran to the side of the nearest road. They did't have to wait for long when the firetruck sped by them towards their neighborhood. Everyone got really exited.
"Cool! Let's go see what's happening!" One of the kids yelled and grabbed his bike. Others were quick to follow him, leaving Daryl behind since his family couldn't afford to buy him a bike- or care to do so for that matter. He started running after them but of course he couldn't keep up with them, so he just followed the sound of the firetruck.
After he'd run for about 5 minutes or so, he realized that the fire had to be very close to his house. He sped up and rand as fast as he could, not wanting to miss anything exiting.
As he approached the street he lived in, he slowed down a bit and started to think about his neighbors. He hoped to God that no one had gotten hurt in the fire.
When he turned to his street, it was filled with people and he couldn't really see anything. He walked next to one of the kids who was way in the back too, trying to see from behind all the adults.
"So who's house is it?" He asked and chewed his thumb nail.
"It's the Dix.." The kid stopped talking the second he turned his head and saw who he was talking to.
Daryl's heart stopped.
"What?"
The kid looked horrified and he didn't really know what to say.
Daryl turned his head in the direction of his house. Then he remembered. His mom had been really drunk today, more than usually. He felt like he couldn't breathe.
He took a few steps back and tried to reassure himself that his mom was okay. She'd gotten out, he couldn't even think about the other possibility. He stood there for a moment, trying to gather himself but everything just got too overwhelming.
"MOM!" He cried at the top of his lungs and started pushing his way through the people. Some of them who noticed him, gave him room and he got to the front pretty easily.
The house was in ruins. There was nothing but a few smoking walls and a whole lot of ash where his home had been. He burst in to tears and launched himself towards the house, in an effort to go and see if his mom was there, when he felt something stop him. Se struggled to get free, but the thing that'd stopped him was too strong so he eventually gave up and when he did, he saw everything else around the burnt down house. He saw the firefighters, police officers and the paramedics. And the body bag on a gurney.
it felt like everything was moving on slow motion. It didn't feel real. He stared at the body bag and tried to picture his mom's face, but the image seemed to melt away. He couldn't remember her face, it was all just a blank.
He felt the grip that kept him in his place tighten around him and glanced behind him to see his father standing behind him on one knee, holding him tight and staring at the same thing he'd been staring. He turned around and carefully wrapped his arms around his father's neck and lowered his head on his fathers shoulder.
"I'm sorry i left the house." he murmured so quietly that his dad almost missed it.
Will looked at the body bag containing the remains of his wife for a moment, then turned his head to look away.
"It ain't your fault."